Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

confused over work

236 replies

FishingRod · 29/06/2015 20:17

Hi, Im getting really confused feelings about a woman at work and do not know what to do. I am a married man, with children, I do not see much of my wife due to work commitments and her working shifts. Lately a new woman joined our company and I have taken a real liking to her, she is pretty, we connect so easy, she makes me laugh and is completely on my level, her sense of humour, her personality, I just find her so easy to get on with and have never come across a woman like this ever. Sometimes we can chat in the office for ages and we can get really really close when we are looking at something say on her screen, she flirts alot and i flirt back and can talk sometimes flirting dropping sexual references. I just feel so much chemistry, like I have never felt before. and I believe she does too. Sometimes we touch accidentally and that electric feeling runs through me, and i believe she feels it. But she mentions her boyfriend quite regularly which I just ignore, but that really confuses me because of the relationship we seem to have developed. I also think if anything did happen she would blame me because of the frequency she mentions her boyfriend. I think she knows she cannot cross the line and she knows I am married and that makes it difficult for me because I dont want to rock the relationship with my wife, so I have to resist crossing the line. Maybe she mentions her boyfriend because she knows I like her. I would love to tell the woman at work how i feel, but would that ruin the working relationship, we have to work close together? we do have deep conversations and sometimes I get really sexual thoughts towards her. I would love to find out what she thinks without asking her, so we can be open more if she feels the same. One of my friends said i will have a fling and then i will know where my feelings are but that is high risk. So confused as i feel i pay so much more attention to the woman at work. Should I offer to take her out for a drink and see how we feel? so its outside of work.
Regards and please reply with thoughts.
C1

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/07/2015 00:08

Ok - I'm going to assume that this thread is true and tell you what happened to my friend when she took her work flirtation further....... (In her case they were both married with kids).

They had a team night out and both got drunk and slept together. And then realised that it was "real" so both came clean to their spouses and split up their families. They are now married.

Neither get to see their kids as much as they like
They have very very different ideas on parenting (and my friend has admitted that if her ex got a new partner who treated her child as badly as her new bloke does then she would go ballistic.)
They had very different ideas on how finished their families were.
One of them had to move jobs at haste and they dislike their new job
They have very different ideas on tidiness etc
There are problems and resentments between the step siblings
Less than two years into the marriage they are having marriage guidance counselling to try and save the relationship
They are trying for a baby that one of them doesn't really want and the other resents isn't already here

It's a sodding mess basically.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 02/07/2015 00:49

mumoftwoyoungkids
Wow, married and so legit now? The friends and family must have been so proud!

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 02/07/2015 00:50

Just out of curiosity, did you attend the wedding? What was it like?

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 09:16

Watching her jiggle through the office, he was reminded of that scene in Some Like It Hot. Jello on springs. God, he would love to take a spoon to that jello. Or jelly, as we English call it. He didn't feel very English these days. He felt almost French, or Italian, with all this lust pulsing through his trousers.

And French men have mistresses, don't they? I bet their wives don't even notice. They are too busy shrugging and eating tiny amounts of cheese. Most men have mistresses, goddammit! Why should he miss out on what was his right and entitlement as a red-blooded almost sexy man?

missmargot · 02/07/2015 09:26

Are you going to keep posting until you get the answer you are looking for and somebody tells you that it is all this other woman's fault and of course you can't be expected to resist her and yes you should definitely sleep with her?

An affair may very well tell you how you feel. The risk is that how you feel may be very much in love with your wife who may have found out about your affair and left you.

molyholy · 02/07/2015 09:37

Lois Excellent Grin

bedraggledmumoftwo · 02/07/2015 10:13

Lois, have you thought about a career as a spoof romance author? Brilliant!

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 10:23

haha. I'm good for a couple of paragraphs. Grin

Bambino1234 · 02/07/2015 10:36

My ex did this to me and his children is Decemeber, the Ow was also married and had a child.

Were six months on and both are contrite and living the life dreams are made of apparently until the fun wears off and then they are both left with the fact they have hurt and humiliated their families.

Don't do it.

firesidechat · 02/07/2015 10:48

I know we should probably be reporting this thread, but I can't bring myself to do it. It was quite funny already and then Lois made it hilarious. Possibly not what the op intended.

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 10:57

I bet FishingRod's Farah slacks are taking the strain today. All this heat, all that wobble. Poor man.

BlackBettyBamALam · 02/07/2015 12:50

Lois thank you, I needed a good laugh! Absolutely brilliant GrinGrin

Norest · 02/07/2015 14:24

Lois - you rock. that is all.

Smile
Lillygolightly · 02/07/2015 15:06

FishingRod - I am going to try and respond to this as seriously as I can. If your posts are indeed genuine well there are two possible agendas I think YOU have

  1. You posted on here hoping you would get a virtual slap in the face, and we'd all pour cold water over your inappropriate infatuation with this 10 years younger woman at work that you have know for the grand total of 1 month!! Though the tone of your posts lead me to believe this is not true.

  2. You thought you were being quite clever and calculated and thought what better place than here to glean advice and the inner workings and thoughts of what is going in this colleague's head.

To me I think you want to know what this woman at work is thinking, as your wondering if she really likes you too. You say she is pretty, and I would guess that you don't see yourself as being attractive enough or in her league and you can't work out why the hell she is even interested in you. You WANT (even if you haven't admitted it to yourself) to take it further and have a sexual relationship with her. Because you don't believe that this woman could really be into you, you don't actually believe her flirtation to be genuine, and that why is you think she has some underhand reason for flirting with you, it's also why you have had the balls to hang yourself out there and just ask her. Meanwhile its driving you man because you can't stop thinking about her, and haven't shown (at least here) any thought for you wife except to say that if you mentioned it she would hit the roof!! You are in complete denial the possible long term and negative aspects and damage this silly little flirtation could do to your life, your wife and your children!! In effect your thinking with your bulge all this connecting crap is just that....crap!

For what its worth, I don't think she is really interested in you like that. I think she just enjoys the flirting and the extra attention from the boss, and probably expects some perks...like getting away with being late, days off etc. If it were anything more I don't think she would frequently mention this boyfriend she has, each time she mentions him its basically her saying look...I'm happy to flirt and get attention but its going no further....I have a boyfriend. My betting is that you hardly mention your wife....and why??? because though she knows your married....you still want to appear available to her...and reminding her of your wife doesn't make you look very available.

Do what you will, I think your probably going to follow your bulge into to some shark infested waters!

My thoughts are with your wife and children.

Lillygolightly · 02/07/2015 15:09

"it's also why you haven't had the balls to hang yourself out there and just ask her"

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/07/2015 15:10

Mychilddoesnt - It's caused huge amounts of upset with the families. We weren't at the wedding but she told me later that it felt slightly awkward.

I don't know what the ideal is here. I kind of feel as though they have messed up so many lives to be together then the least they can do is be happy. But I am not a fan of his and I don't like the way he treats her child. (Who I love.) I think I want them to stay together but him to change personality quite a lot.

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 15:13

All this talk of bulge is making me a bit nauseous.

Lillygolightly · 02/07/2015 15:17

speaking of bulge do you all think he is going to start packing with socks in response to her low cut tops ;)

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 15:21

Oh definitely. Or cotton balls. Although they might fall down his trouser leg.

slug · 02/07/2015 15:32

I'm waiting for him to get back to us and tell us again about how she is leading him on..

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 15:42

I don't know what to do, he thought, agitatedly, his mound of straining flesh nudging mournfully at the underside of his desk. She is leading me on, I am sure. When she speaks to me, she always uses my name and she looks at me as if she wants the bulge.

My mate says I should just do it and then I would know how I feel. And then I could just get on with my marriage. But is it a marriage anyway, since I see my wife for 35 minutes a week, and that's when she is doing the online shopping. Well she says it's shopping. She could be online dating for all I know. Working night shifts she says. I bet she is. That means she's home all day for Mr Ocado, isn't she? And his naice ham. She's always liked it on the bone.

Well I deserve some fun too, don't I? OK, so I may lose my job, my marriage and any respect in my industry but, you know, jiggly titties! In my face!

Lillygolightly · 02/07/2015 15:54

We really shouldn't give him ideas with cotton balls and sock packing. If it does by some chance go further and become sexual...it's just going to lead to even more disappointment!! After all theis eyeing of the bulge Wink

I just hope in that case karma is a bitch and she's been packing gel/padded bra's all this time after all the low cut top teasing Grin

LoisPuddingLane · 02/07/2015 15:59

The Travelodge hotel room will be awash with stuffing and padding.

firesidechat · 02/07/2015 16:06

If it does by some chance go further and become sexual...

I am NOT looking forward to that particular thread. Can you imagine it? Yuck.

Although I'm sure Lois will appreciate the literary inspiration.

ineedabodytransplant · 02/07/2015 16:08

Rod, you're an embarrassment to us blokes.

Jeez, what a load of crap you're spouting. Although, I wish I had the amount of imagination you have. Do you seriously think a young pretty girl/woman is going to start work and almost immediately fall for her boss who sound slike an utter twat..

IN YOUR DREAMS FELLA..back under the bridge. Mind you don't bang your 'bulge' as you go.