Desperately Trying to Move On - My Divorce from Mr WT Part 3 - It's Nearly OVER!

[TheFormidableMrsC]

I am so grateful to all of those who have followed and supported me throughout this bloody ordeal! I hope this will be the last one.one and it will be over very soon! Thread 1 : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?
Thread 2 : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2137545-Whos-Desperate-and-Awful-Now-Story-of-My-Divorce-from-Mr-WT-Part-2

WWK starts a campaign....

...it's called

The right to live in a home without a knob in it.

Bloody hell, that's a lot of stuff in one week - I go on holiday and there's all this stuff...

All I can say is that I'm not surprised. Not at all. The crap was never going to end with the word of a judge - in fact the crap probably won't even end once the divorce is final. You're handling it all with amazing grace.

So, we came home early....

DS could not cope with a different bedroom at all...ended up falling asleep with me on the sofa at 1.30 am , stressful to say the least and that's where we stayed until 7.30 am this morning. Have had a whingy, miserable little boy all day...overtired and over the top with everything. He was also bitten by the family dog (who is a gentle soul normally). I had said when we arrived that we needed to keep a close eye so that he didn't get near dog unsupervised...when we were eating we think he pulled dogs' poorly ear and got a very big bite on his upper arm. No skin broken but very bruised and took him an age to settle down. Couldn't blame dog who was minding his own business. Imagine DS being in OW's house-zoo...I don't think so. DS already comes back covered in deep scratches from her bloody puppy...they don't seem to understand that DS needs to be kept away from pets. In any event, it was nice to get away for a little while...but DS safe in own bed tonight and I feel glad of that...

Shebefierce...I have no idea how to take the timer off. DD used to shout down that she was covered in soap and hadn't finished hair and H used to say "tough". He was an utter cunt about that...no need whatsoever. It was all about control and another thing to have a go at her about. She said today, "I don't want to think about Mum"... I hope to get it sorted out...I can't tolerate shower guilt, there was no need for that whatsoever and he just got pleasure out of hurting her or causing her harm, that's what it seems to us now.

In a couple of weeks, the husband of the couple we have stayed with has offered to come to me and sort out the split doorframes and holes in walls where H lost his temper and kicked and smashed things in. He will also help me with decorating and has offered to build new wardrobe doors for DS as his father has refused to replace the ones he removed and put in a skip, despite DS being scared of the "gap". What an arsehole he is. I am absolutely sure that OW's son doesn't have to deal with all that shit as current "on his best behaviour" step-daddy will make sure he wants for nothing while he's busy cocklodging.

Across and WWK, you two make me laugh so much! You'd be a fabulous babysitting pair, please do it!!

Pointy...oh will it ever end...doubtful. Had a call from Police today though...hopeful for some assistance.

So, onwards and upwards, KOKO everybody x

Do you have any idea what make of timer it is?

Yes - thats a good idea. If you can get a description of it, and post in Property someone may be able to help - maybe even PigletJohn.

If it's just a timer shower head it should be easily removable and then a normal head attached, if it's some kind of solenoid shut off valve then it might be more complicated.

You might find help by Googling how to put a water timer on the shower + UK and see what types are available, then work backwards.

I'd say just rip the fucking thing out of the wall and take baths. But maybe that's not the best idea.

I know!!! Interview all the local plumbers and pick the best looking one! If you have to look at what we here call a 'plumber's crack', it may as well be a nice one!

If it's not got electrics in it and it's not buried behind a wall, you should be able to remove it and splice a piece of pipe/PVC pipe in to fill the gap where it was. If it has electrics or is behind the wall, best to let a professional sort it out.

Hopefully someone will let PigletJohn know and he'll be along. You know, he could be a zillionaire if he had the wherewithal to travel to fix everything MNers post about.

theformidablemrsC I have just fully read all three threads, it's taken me since half past two this afternoon and eventually just had to scroll to your posts as I think my DP is going to kill me if I don't put my phone down! I just wanted to say what a wonderfully strong woman you are and I hope that this nightmare ends for you soon. I've been through similar but not to the extent you have, I applaud how you have come through this so far and I will be here to applaud you at the end as you emerge from this nightmare.
The power of MN! Wow! You have made some great friends and allies here so in some respects MrWT has done you a favour!! Big respect to you!!!

Ahhh, just popped on for the first time today and all these messages, have not had e-mail alerts for some reason! Andro and ENtertainment, I think it is on the reset switch thingy which is on a different floor...I have a friend's electrician husband coming to do a few bits for me as a favour in a couple of weeks and I had planned to ask him. I can't see anything around the shower head. I will have a look and report back. It's so annoying and unnecessary. Across did you say "fucking"...?! . PigletJohn sounds amazing and may tell you all off for mentioning him now that I know who he is!!

HawkEye, thank you so so much for your lovely post and my goodness, reading all three must have been a job and a half. I feel anything but strong really, just keeping on with keeping on. I don't think I will ever come to terms with the evil inflicted on my children and I by virtue of their decision to have an affair and fuck our lives up to the extent they have. I am absolutely sure that they will get their comeuppance one way or another.

Anyway, thank you all for being here, as ever I appreciate it more than you'll ever know . I must go to bed, I've got a child starting her A levels tomorrow!!! Goodness me...she's been at home since May and I am frankly glad to see the back of her!

HawkEye I also should have said that I am so sorry that you have gone through this yourself. I hope you're OK now. Do you end up being OK? I hope so. I live in hope that one day I will be able to come to terms with wasting 14 years on my life on that twat. Indeed, I have made some very special friends from this experience, one or two who I would never have crossed paths with otherwise and on that basis, I am very very lucky indeed

Oh dear! I did say fucking, didn't I? I may have an attack of the vapours!

Well, damn my shit-eatin' arse to hell and back!

Tell TheFormidable MISS C the best of luck tomorrow.

I fucking well will Across...thank you! You sweary Momma from the U S of A... xxxx

FormidableMrsC yes! You will come out of this ok! I don't look back now and think what a waste of years and life, I did for a long time but I'm not sorry I was in the relationship, I got strong because of it. I sometimes wish it had ended sooner because I could have been with DP at lot longer, but life isn't like that, DP and I may never have met if it was earlier as I wasn't strong enough then IYSWIM, so when I do think what a waste, I have to think that these things happen for a reason, life is taking care of things and I needed time to heal. And my DS (not his) also needed that time to have a mum who had healed and got back to being the mum she had been before this all happened. A relationship of any kind probably wouldn't have worked for me. I still sometimes lie awake at night thinking how could you?!!! How could you do that to us, but that's not a thought of "we were so happy" (because we weren't, just plodding along with him leaving every few months when things got tough and me pining and crying and waitin for him to come back), it's just a thought that comes in as I didn't know people could be so cruel. He's still with my BF (by all accounts my sister) of 25 years and this year they moved I I the same street as me, admittedly right at the top and I rarely if ever see them, but that just reminds me if how cruel they are. I've forgotton most, if not all of the pain, I'll never forgive and admittedly sometimes if it pops into my head my teeth grit as I get so angry and the devastation caused. Yesterday, I received a letter from the solicitor saying that the final financial tie is over, I'm free of him, I'm in debt as he tried to take the house from us, but I'm free of any tie to their poison.
Hang in there, there is life and LOVE at the end of the tunnel, it will come along when you least expect it as if it knows that NOW you are ready.

You hang in there! And good luck to DD for her exams x

Have come very late to this having just skim-read all three threads - reading all your posts MrsC and skimming others. (Have done no work or housework for days).

O. M. G.

I have never heard the like in all me borns!! I felt sorry for myself over my divorce, but it was as nothing compared with this. You are truly formidable. I will certainly keep watching and hope for final updates before you disappear into anonymity again.

Bestest of best wishes.

MrsC! Lost you again, found you again, god I'm slack, sorry!
Glad you're back though, even if it's to detail yet more horrors that the WT perpetrated on your lovely little family.
God he's a fuckwit, isn't he?

I know you adored him, and that adoration must have given you those rose-tint blinkers that everyone gets when they're in love, so please forgive yourself for having them because it's only now that they're gone that you can see clearly what an utter prick he was being.

OW will reap what she's sown - but like you I feel sorry for her DC, it's not his fault that his mother is a fucking bitch and has picked this cunt, knowing what a cunt he has been to you and your son (and DD of course), to be his step"father" - words fail me. YOu had no idea what sort of person he was - but she not only knows, but encourages it and still thinks it's a good idea to inflict that on her child. Astonishing!

However. Be very grateful that she has taken him off your hands. I know that may still take a while (even given everything that has happened) but it will come in time - one day you'll be relieved that he had this affair and fucked off. ONE day. Not now.

and for you, and possibly some too. x

Evening all, apologies for not yet responding to lovely posts and messages, have been run off feet with back to school stuff and legal things. I will update a.s.a.p and respond properly to everybody

This evening, however, I am off to see a friend who approached me because her husband has left her. He is properly adhering to The Script as all cheating husbands cunts do. She has a four year old and a baby just under a year old and is a SAHM. So far, so predictable :

She's didn't give him enough attention baby too demanding it appears
Kitchen wasn't tidy enough

OW is "exciting" was very quick to open legs and give him an ultimatum (sounds familiar doesn't it?).

Changed password on joint bank account.

"Couldn't afford" a summer holiday for his family but can afford to book a two week holiday to Turkey with OW.

Used kids as excuse to go out and visit OW (4 year old told friend about "Daddy's friend", THAT leaves me speechless). Some coward trying to get his four year old to break the bad news to Mummy. Bit like Mr WT trying to do that with my daughter. Friend's husband might want to see the face on his little girl at school in the morning and the distress he's caused her neither of them will give a shit no doubt.

My blood is boiling for her. I know the pain she's feeling at the moment. Hoping to be able to guide her with legal process and offer practical advice. I wish I had had somebody like that at the start of my nightmare. Nobody but nobody realises the misery they cause when they do this. I am not looking forward to this....

MrsC I understand why you are not looking forward to this, but you will be doing soooo much good by helping your friend.

Can this twat even legally change the password on a joint account and not tell his wife? Does the online account have a 'forgotten password' system so that she could get it reset? If not, can she take her bank card to the bank with some backup ID and get the bank to help her with it? That would be my first port of call, he's probably siphoning off money.

Why are there so many predictable twats in the world?

It's shit. Totally shit. But one of the things that gives me faith in humanity is the way women on her help each other when this is done to them. By arrogant twats who think they have all the power and financial control, while trying to keep their wives off balance. Good luck, I hope she gets everything she is entitled too. And that her STBXHs dick goes permanently limp.

Gosh, that was awful really...I hope I did some good, at least on a practical level. Poor girl is absolutely on her knees and I know every part of that and am so glad I am not in that place anymore. What was harder was watching her Mum in tears and feeling helpless and the hurt she and her husband are feeling on behalf of their child. They live a long way away and have come for support. I am literally around the corner and will do my best to hold her hand along the way. I have had so much help and support it's time to pay forward. I wish nobody had to go through this...I wish those who inflict so much pain had an inkling of the damage they do. Am feeling very sad with it all...

I'm sure you did a great deal of good! It's always good for someone down in the depths to see that another person has lived through it and come out the other end with reasons to smile and be happy.

You know, I do believe that we are always given a chance to 'pay it forward' when we go through bad times. To me it's God's way of really bringing home that, not only did we survive, but we have gained wisdom that can be shared to help others. I wouldn't be so foolish as to say it makes it 'worth it', because none of us would choose the path we've had to walk. But I do think it gives a sense of gratitude to whatever powers-that-be for the strength we've found in ourselves, along with a well deserved feeling of pride that we came through.

One of my favorite songs when I was in the final stages of my first divorce and began to see the end of the tunnel was 'I Made it through the Rain'. The lyrics rang so true for me.

You will be an amazing support for your friend :)

Second the need to get that bank password back! It's a joint account, she just needs to take ID to the bank. She needs to do this ASAP.

Hello everybody, I haven't posted for a while, it's been rather hectic with establishing new routines for a 4 yo and a 17 yo with school and college and dealing with the last for now few bits of the legal stuff. Thank you all for lovely lovely posts as ever...

Hawkeye, I was stunned reading your story, what a pair of bastards. I am astounded by your strength in the face of that and how you have recovered and regained your life. Thank you so much for your lovely words, appreciated more than you'll ever know .

miaowroar...thank you so much for taking the time to read it all, I know it's a lot and frankly quite unbelievable at times sadly all true. Thank you so much for your kindness .

Thumb...I can always count on you to put into words exactly what I wish to say. You've hit the nail on the head there my lovely!

Pointy and Across yes it's good to be able to help, I will come back to friend in a minute, she knows she can lean on me and I am doing all I can to support her. Feck and Skipton, I will make sure she does get everything she's entitled to, especially as she has a baby who has been very ill for a very long time, it's just shocking. I wouldn't have been able to do it without the support I have had from all of you though... .

So DS has settled well into school although he is utterly exhausted when he comes out and I have had to be very strict with routine to avoid all my good work with him going to the gutter, it's a huge change for him to cope with but he's doing well. Lots of cuddles and reassurance. He has not seen his father during midweek but this will probably change next week now that I have safeguarding in place with school. Had a really positive meeting with the Family/Welfare lady who is well used to situations like this but was literally and when I told her the story. I was reassured that they will be very supportive and I will keep them up to date. She did tell me that the MARAC referral would have meant all three children's schools would have been contacted but we are not sure whether it will extend to this school now. Will have to wait and see. DD has settled well into college and is really enjoying her weekend job. She is based in London so it's a whole new experience for her..and will do her confidence the world of good!

In terms of the consent order, I am waiting to hear from the court. Divorce should be through shortly. Then I am starting proceedings for child maintenance. I have been availed of some very very useful legal advice from a lovely MN'er SHL. My husband needs to realise that £150.00 a month is not nearly enough maintenance and I would like to see OW's son being brought up on that especially with his equestrian requirements! Perhaps he could see his way to sharing living costs with OW rather than claiming he pays all of them and he most definitely needs to cut down on food and alcohol intake as he now has the proportions of a whale. He really is going to be one of "those" fathers isn't he? I can't imagine doing that to my own child. I have had to buy a second hand bed for DS as he has grown out of the toddler bed yet my husband saw fit to pay £2K out of OUR business on a new bed for him and OW. Priorities and responsibilities all wrong in every sense. Oh there's so much more...but all in good time...

Finally, it was utterly lovely today to discover that he has tried to con my elderly widowed neighbour into buying him new tools and materials by issuing him with a materials list for a small lighting job that he said was required to complete it. Generally, people are not as stupid as he is. How low can you sink? I presume he can't buy electrical equipment from the company he owed a large sum to any longer, although I have been assured that he has now paid that debt in full (amazing where all this money is conjured up from!). Given he has been exposed for defrauding family, friends, neighbours, that jointly with OW he committed fraud against me, he still continues on. I sincerely hope that OW keeps a tight rein on her purse, that her son's piggy bank is well hidden and that her parents are well prepared for the fact that they will be providing husband's pension some time in the future (given that I am no longer fulfilling that enviable role) . He really ought to be publicly named and shamed.

My lovely friend. She is just wasting away before my eyes, I hate to see it. She is dealing with two poorly children at the moment and is just so sad and bereft. I am doing absolutely everything I can to be there for her. Her pain is palpable. Her husband, on the other hand, is an utter cunt. Of course, because she asked him to leave on discovery of his affair, it is now her fault...and he said "we could have worked this out if you hadn't asked me to leave"...the EXACT words my husband said to me. Just unbelievable. Legal proceedings are starting, her financial situation is being sorted, it's just step by step. Her journey is just beginning...

KOKO