My son has just called me a cunt

[Teenagepisstaker]

18 year old son, had a new girlfriend stay here a week running, last night I said it was time she went home to her own house.

I came home from work today (stressful job) and the place was a mess, cooking stuff, bedding on the sofa, dirty glasses and cups everywhere, and they were taking a shower together. I was very angry and told them that she had to go home, that they were disrespecting my home and that they wouldn't be behaving like that around her house. Got called a psycho cunt by my son, I then chucked them out. He has just come home and said he doesn't see the problem, I was being a cunt. I have told him to move out, he has said no. He has not been bought up to swear like that, I think it's disgusting.

I feel bad, but I wish I hadn't had him. He has been nothing but trouble since 12 and I can't remember the joy of parenting. He relentlessly broke my last relationship up until i moved out with just him, I am just starting to realise how manipulative he is. He doesn't pay anything to live here, had an evening NMW job.

Sorry big back story but no energy to go through it all, heartbroken and so upset. I feel like I am being abused by my own son.

schlong ODFOD.

I think you NEED to share this with your parents especially since your parents give him stuff and they kind of side with him.

Good point peggy

sounds like you can't wait to be rid and you've waited til he's 18 to feel less guilty about it

I think that's enough of the world inside the head of schlong. Let's get back to the problems that the OP is actually having.

The problems the OP is having, and has been having for the last 6 years, cannot be solved by giving her manipulative and abusive ds one last chance to mend his ways as he will simply continue to treat her with contempt and his unacceptable behaviour may escalate to violence against her person as well as her belongings.

Lol schlong massive assumptions made there!
He does not know about the assault.
Seeing as I have not seen him since said I wish I hadn't had him I doubt he knows.
If I resented leaving my ex, I would have chosen my ex as my son was 17 at the time and could have left home. But yes he was responsible for the end of that relationship and made it his mission to do so. That is fact and something he has made no secret of, but it was my CHOICE to leave.
Still not seen him, place was tidy when I got home so not sure he has been here.

Personally I don't think it really matters how you (or anyone else including me) found yourself in this position seeing as how the past can't be changed, so you can only look to future and finding ways of making that a positive place to be. There may be some use in going over old ground at some point if it can be done without anger and with purpose but that time is not now and it won't be until relationships are rebuilt and parameters reset.

Good luck for tomorrow, I have a very busy day away from home but I will try to look in to see how you get on if I get the chance.

Sending you a big dollop of strength and resolve this morning OP!

He must go. He is out of (your) control. Next step is violence.
Tell him he has 7 days to go. Do not help in any way (then it will be your fault)

How about putting everything under a legal umbrella? Find a solicitor who will write a letter on your behalf itemising everything that is unacceptable. Follow it through with him being 'served notice,' officially and start recording any incidents, flare ups, bad behaviour as evidence.

I suggest this because with some people who have a totally misaligned entitlement focused attitude to life, throwing a bit of legal documentation into the mix can result in them re-thinking their attitude.

He's doing what he's doing because no-one's challenged him. You have to challenge him big time now. Getting the law, or a solicitor's letter stating matter of factly in black or white his awful behaviour and the consequences of its continuance, could make things more real. He can't challenge facts written down for all the world to see.

Also, you'd be protecting yourself. Keep a copy of the letter to be used should the occasion arise when you demand that he leaves your home or to show to the police when you ask them to intervene.

By what you've said, its only a matter of time sadly before you're going to have to get the police out to deal with a domestic abuse situation.

Sorry I don't have an update as he hasn't come home last night and has stayed out all day, he will be at work now so nothing will get sorted today

Sounds like he's deliberately avoiding you. Would you consider changing the locks?

Is it too much to hope that he's had time to reflect and that next time you see him you'll get an apology? He is avoiding you, but why, if he doesn't think he's done anything wrong?

Send him a message and tell him you need to talk, change the locks...just do something. There is no point us all telling you the same thing for you just to rug sweep.

I don't know where I stand changing the locks as the key opens the foyer door to apartment block and this apartment door?

Can you add a second mortice lock to your door so he'd need both keys to get in?

Maybe you need to get an extra lock added then.

x-posted!

Presumably your apartment door can't be opened with the key to block but if you change the apartment door lock or add a mortice and he finds he's unable to gain entrance at the usual time he returns home, he'll most probably start banging on the door and disturbing your neighbours in the early hours.

In these circumstances, I suggest you leave a letter on his bed saying that due to the events of Tuesday you're no longer willing to tolerate his unacceptable behaviour and are giving him notice to find alternative accomodation and remove his belongings from your home on or before (the date of your choice but NOT longer than a week from today) after which time the lock to the apartment door will be changed and you'll call the police if he attempts to gain entrance.

Actually thinking about it I agree you need to give him notice first. That gives you time work out how change the locks and gives him time find somewhere new to live.

The same key opens the outer door, utility doors and the apartment door. Not sure how it works but sounds expensive. I am off out in a bit anyway, he could be avoiding me although it is not unusual for him to stay at his mates at weekends.

Does it really matter if it's usual for him to be out at his mates? You need to have a discussion with him about his behaviour last week. Or are you secretly relieved you don't have to face up to it either? Sounds like you are just going to let this slide if your respective weekday hours mitigate against a sit down chat in the week & you're going to let this weekend drift past.

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, but come on .

What are you doing allowing girls to stay over in your house, he's 18 for Gods sake.

You say he wasn't brought up to swear like that, yet your post is littered with foul language.

Now you're saying you shouldn't have had him....

The poor kid sounds like he's been dragged from relationship to relationsip with you, is it any wonder he's carrying on as he is.

Sometimes I think Cameron has the right idea regarding one parent families.

Wow, I felt compelled to sign up after reading this, I'm glad in a sense that I'm not the only one going through something similar and you have my utmost respect for remaining as calm as you have. I think it's time to stop supporting him and let him find his own way in life, he'll soon learn he can't talk to people in that way and get away with it.

My 16 year has called me far worse and I've been scared to leave my own room sometimes, the house I own but I'm confined to my bedroom, sounds daft doesn't it? I'm fed up of being left to tidy up after him and a constant stream of different girls coming in and out of my home. I have to clean the sheets and sometimes it's not pretty, I've even found used condoms in the dishwasher, I mean WTF?

Really struggling lately and have tried talking it through with him, but getting nowhere.