DH handing in notice with no fall back option

[MummyKWP]

I'm a full time mum - a decision myself & my DH made together, as we thought it was best for our family.
We have a 2 year old DD & one on the way, due in a few months.
He works in a relatively decent job - permanent, pensionable. It's a good job, but he doesn't enjoy it. He's worked at a higher level previously so feels he ought to be respected more within the work environment.
The thing is, he's decided he's handing in his notice this week without a fall back option. He knows how I feel about it - it's a very vulnerable time for us - soon to have 2 children under 3, and we won't have any wage coming in.
He's trying to set up his own business, but as yet there's no money coming in from that. That sort of thing is always a gamble. He doesn't think so - he thinks it's guaranteed.
I don't feel like I can stop him because he always throws it back & says "don't you trust me to provide?" "Trust me, I'll make this work" etc. He's the eternal optimist...I'm a realist!
We already owe my parents money which he borrowed to put into the business. I hate owing, especially as they don't have much money.
How should I deal with this whole situation? I feel very worried about the future - not something I wanted while 5 months pregnant!

cue chorus: Stand By Your Man cos you might not get another one.

If the OP's dh becomes a millionaire she can expect to be traded in for a younger trophy wife and her dps will only be repaid if she gives them their money back out of her divorce settlement.

Just read the thread.

There are some vicious, vile people on here.

Hopefully it has nothing to do with Wealth Dragons in any way.....

There are some vicious, vile people on here.

Yep, there sure are and I wish they'd go back to nethunz, ss.

I know. Vicious indeed.

I think very little of people who prefer to post personal attacks, even when slightly disguised, than reasoned arguments.

Quintshhh....I've no idea what wealth dragons is, so I'll say no to that one

I don't know jabbsy, but really appreciate her support & helpful advice - it's been much needed.

I do appreciate all support & advice offered by everyone so far.

DH & I moved to my home country to be closer to my parents (for DD's sake) ....his parents are estranged.

Those previous posts that have been dragged up have been posted since moving here - so I may have been unfair on him. The transition has been difficult for him - he's had to establish is own friends, employment, contacts etc (all of which he had in abundance before)

I never claimed he was a saint, and of course I'm not going to come on MN with a post about how great he is & how loving he is to me & DD & how brave & loyal he's been making the big decision to move to my home country for mine & DD's sake (mainly). I'm female after all...I'm gonna come on here to complain about his bad points! Nobody's perfect.

There have been 3 previous posts - 1 complaining about my parents, one about the football tickets which actually turned out to be unwarranted in the end (I was just having a moan about what MIGHT happen as we do!!), one about being handed £50 for my birthday, which yes, I'm still a bit peeved about. It shows he was a bit thoughtless on that occasion.

Everyone on here is entitled to their opinion, so please don't hate on eachother (for want of a better phrase!) I never wanted to cause arguments between you all

I was going to post that I we have been in your situation before OP.

The business risk needed to be took and there were other things that were in the way around that time. PND. Small children, each with short term disabilities and hospital treatment. Shouting, screaming and heart pounding, pulling each other down is not a place I ever want to be in again. Then a serious blood cancer six months into the business.

But we picked ourselves up concentrated on what we had could give to each other, and two years down the line things are about as good as they can get. Financially, emotionally, its like someone has blessed us.

Cut out all the negativity. There and here. Hang around shit and you get like shit and there are plenty of people who will drag you down. Life can be bad enough without beating yourself or anybody else up about it. Why would you want that kind of millstone round your neck.

You can quit at any time.

Thank you sleepsoftly.

Sorry to hear about your hard times - especially health wise. I'm so pleased you got through it all & have come through the other side in such a positive place.

It's nice to hear a success story!

Well, I hope things go OK for all your family, MummyKWP. However, you should definitely be quietly working on alternative plans for 1) paying the bills and 2) repaying your parents, in case they don't.

Just googled a Wealth Dragons...nope, it's definitely nothing to do with that. I'd never even heard of them

Can't he find a job he likes better? I would have thought starting s business was very stressful.

It is a cult, almost of religious proportions, with clapping and singing, and public speaking and events....

Stitchintime1 - I'm still holding out hope that something will come of the meeting he's due to have with his employer.
Alternatively, he has this other stream of work lined up with the guy he was meeting today. Which sounds good, but again, I'd like to see actual evidence of this before I get my hopes up.

Well, only 5 more days until your rent is due. Hope your freezer and cupboards are full. It's truly astonishing that an adult can be so cavalier and irresponsible about the roof over their child's head and the food for their mouths and their duty to pay back money they borrowed.

Hope doesn't buy food or pay bills.

And for a person who doesn't like being told what to do, showing up at an expected time, etc., wait till he starts running his own business and dealing with clients and chasing up invoices. He's in for a real shock. A lot of clients treat you like a serf because they are paying your bills, and in a lot of ways, you are.

If your parents have loaned him money to start his business, then I hope very much it will show in the books and he will pay it off before he draws on profit. And he should sign something to agree he has a loan - and interest.

Plus he sounds a knob tbh. He should be helping round the house, and with his DC, and looking after you.

Not telling people he has given up his job just cuts you off from support. Tell people. Why are you carrying all this? Get it out there.

I realise posts here are a snapshot and tend to mention the worst, but there is a reason you were so frustrated with him at those times, and a reason why you thought he would mess up your Christmas present.

And why your parents have a bad opinion of him.

But... I have been there, and you are not ready yet.

Just take care, protect yourself, talk to people (secrets feed abusers), and find and keep some boundaries. You and your children are at least, if not more important than him. Never forget that.

Jesus. The pack mentality on this thread is disturbing.

You actually searched her posts? Creepy at best.

Attack is always supportive. Well done, give yourself a brown star.

kids with a main single parent and mother and father hating each other is OBVIOUSLY way better than a family unit sticking together and making tough things work out all round - a simply AWFUL example that would be to set indeed.

I find this thread disturbing as it seems that, having posted one set of circumstances and received sound advice, the OP changed the ball park from scant chance of jam tomorrow to positively wallowing in a vat of it today only to revert to the uncertain future scenario when her followers dwindled.

The unchanging fact is that the OP's dh is a selfish knob, but no doubt the bastions of surrendered wives will continue to advocate that she stands by her man on the offchance he makes loadsamoney.

Good luck OP - I'm outta here with thank to Lweji for saving me from wasting any further time on a hopeless case.

Attack is always supportive.

Particularly when it's attacks on other pps instead of actually addressing the OP's problem, indeed.

I'm all for partners to support each other. But it must be reciprocal. When it isn't, then what? Parents can still hate each other living together, or find a way of co-existing and co-parenting apart. It's not all black and white - together happy, unhappy apart. It can be quite the opposite.

Anyway, as I said before, good luck OP. You will need it.

Uhuh, so it's fine for a pack of you to attack the OP, but not ok for someone to call you on it? Why? Because you're trying to help? By going for the jugular?

Classic.

I'm not the first to call out the behaviour on this thread, and actually i think it's more supportive to the OP than the bile some people have spewed.

Erm... nobody attacked the OP.
Only her OH.

And some disagreed.

What do you think the OP should do?

A lot of clients treat you like a serf because they are paying your bills, and in a lot of ways, you are.

Ain't that the truth! It makes me laugh when people say they "want to be their own boss". Actually, what you do is swap having one boss for a load of bosses, all pulling you in different directions.

But, at least you can sit at your desk, and breastfeed on one side, while talking on the phone with the other - not something you get to do in most offices.

cleanmyhouse bile, like beauty, must be in the eye of the beholder. I don't see any bile on this thread and I don't see personal attacks on the OP.