HOBBIT'S BAR - Still finding it hard to move on .. Part 11

[Notlivingwithsemtexhoorah]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, swear, ask for advice,swear, relate to others in the same situation, swear, take a break, swear and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support and swear a bit. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and swear alot and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary for swearing. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in, oh and swear a bit more if you like.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been joined by a pineapple and an Uzi in this 1st post for those who don't like firearms
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is My Silver Lining

My name is Semtex, 50, married almost 31 years, 2 DSs 26 & one DD 28. One DS has NC with their Dad the other two have been well and truly brainwashed(Thought it was my fault but counsellor says otherwise, so I will believe her). Nisi nearly here on the basis of UB. Been to mediation, waste of time for us as HE IS THE MASTER. Filled in Form E and hopefully he has, now just waiting for the lies to read. Once he moved out he took the opportunity to use my time at work as the best time to take anything of value from the house. Nice. Now everything is locked from the inside including bedrooms etc. My DS is intending to buy him out so we both have somewhere to live and actually I.m not ready to move out as its my home. Ive said before that I don't feel that qualified to give advice that others do as I am a relative newbie and don't have young DC's but on good days hope I can help you raise a smile cos you have all helped me in one way or another. …...

So hold on, you bought a flat off SIL for 170k. Who is living in this flat, whose name is it in and is there not a money trail showing it wad paid for? Also, who is saying it is non matrimonial due to being a gift?

PS no shagging going on here

If there are not enough matrimonial assets to rehouse both sides, non matrimonial assets are also taken into account. If you have lived in this flat at any point it would also be counted as a matrimonial asset even if it was a gift If you paid for it, surely both your names would be on the deeds? If you paid for it there would be a paper trail

bobs there is a comment a bit further up about cash......

We will have to wait for confirmation of that

WWK you has been disssin me

Get you, Jimmy????????????

Ooooohhhh.... Fight.....

izzie the Tasmanian devil versus Wwk the welsh wonder,

Jess pleads for calm...

Just checking in, hope everyone is ok

Hello deck do you have any evidence that she was paid? A bank statement or something? That's really shit of her but if she is his sister then they are cut from the same cloth aren't they. Twunts.

Hello iget

Have had a moan at my manager about having no bloody time to do anything. She has forced me to take some leave and get myself sorted. So I have a couple of days later in month to get legal advice and get the ball rolling on the divorce. Scary stuff. I'm so grateful for you lot

Deck How did you pay her? There must be some record of a bank transfer at least.

I am so f88king peed off with the X this morning - EVERYTHING is a bloody battle with him - no wonder I was on ADS for the duration of our marriage.
he is pressing me via his sol to let him know which week he can have the kids during the holidays - I am waiting for him to let me know if he is going to have the kids every weekend Fat chance of this as it interferes with plans with OW but he cannot have them for extra time during the week due to work so he says so thought he may like to put his kids first for a change why I think this no idea as he has not done this at any point but his sol is saying there is no relevance. The relevance is i have a life too - I am not just sitting around waiting for the bloody X to dictate his terms.
this is just all about control - surely he would be jumping at the chance to spend more time with them if all the bullshit he spouts about me trying to restrict access were true!

Its a good job I have SB otherwise I would have been on the floor many more times - I see the X exactly for what he is and possibly had a vision last night of what he will be in the future. For some strange reason random people keep coming up to talk to me - this man was living alone in a 1 bed flat - i got the impression his 3 adult kids no longer want much to do with him - i didnt get the full story other than he kept saying people should talk more he was pissed he asked me about my kids and said they will be ok as I am a good mum - he knew nothing about me other than him saying he has an ability to "sense" good people!

This stuff is starting to freak me out a bit - lots of weird stuff keeps happening that I cannot explain other than there is something bigger than us out there and as long as we believe we will be ok we will be.

Im going to catch up on thread -

koko LGO ladies xx

Green I know how you feel. Ex 'couldnt' have ds to stay for the first year we were separated as he had no room (other than the spare room where his other ds stayed often ...). Now he has a new place he can have ds who doesn't want to stay - first night tonight because it's Father's Day (ds says it's a one off).
He had him for 2 days in Easter holidays, couldn't have any time in May half term or last October. Last summer he has him three days and this year offered the same again but I put my foot down and insisted on a full week (out of 6). In the end after trying to worm his way out he had to do it.
Then he tells everyone I am unreasonable about access - yet it is me having to force him to have his own child!

Just checking in....and checking out....will catch up properly later :-) x

oh green yes it is a battle. SF would never answer my questions but always expected me to answer his.

I would just answer that you cannot work out which week he can have them (presumably this it to take them away somewhere) as this would be dictated by any regular access arrangements, so as soon as this is sorted you will be able to sort out the week. He will be probably wanting to book somewhere, so really it's no skin off your nose!!!

Deck where are you? hope you're ok. Please read what I wrote up-thread

Hi all

My shit week got a wee bit worse, son number two trouble. Bloody hell once my luck does turn life is going to be amazing for ever! Beleive that? No me neither but was worth a shot.

Deck, you ok? You need legal advice and to think things through v carefully. I can't believe he will get away with it, now just need to work out how to stop him.

fucking hell i am so pissed off with all this - kids have been with X all week - just had a call from dd saying she wants to come home - spoke to X briefly he says she is having a strop and to do with not getting her own way - this may well be the case but she is crying on the phone - wants me to pick her up - he tells me not to come that its his time with her and what sort of example does this set if when they dont get their own way other one comes running - not that he would cocme running as he wouldnt be local - what the f88k do i do

If she's just having a strop, he's right, she shouldn't get her way. You have to be the best judge of whether it is just a strop.

Yes - what Izzie says green It's his time with her and he should be sorting out any problems.

Deck is she living there now? Have you ever lived there or gone there for holidays? I don't know if there is a way of finding out whether a property had been sold or gifted - ie the tax treatment

For example in the UK if shares are sold there is a capital gains tax implication, but if they are gifted the tax could be deferred. I would want to see the sale documents and get them checked

I don't know where you are in the process - court etc, but I would be questioning this - or is the onus on you to prove otherwise?

Just a point - all gifts/inheritance could be regarded as non matrimonial. Although this is taken into account, the more important thing is for both sides to be able to move on, and if there is not enough money in the matrimonial pot for this to happen, then the non matrimonial assets are used too

green I agree with others. It would be a tricky precedent to set that when children are with one or other of you they can just demand to be collected- unless you feel they are in danger in some way. So difficult.