HOBBIT'S BAR - Still finding it hard to move on .. Part 11

[Notlivingwithsemtexhoorah]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, swear, ask for advice,swear, relate to others in the same situation, swear, take a break, swear and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support and swear a bit. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and swear alot and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary for swearing. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in, oh and swear a bit more if you like.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been joined by a pineapple and an Uzi in this 1st post for those who don't like firearms
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is My Silver Lining

My name is Semtex, 50, married almost 31 years, 2 DSs 26 & one DD 28. One DS has NC with their Dad the other two have been well and truly brainwashed(Thought it was my fault but counsellor says otherwise, so I will believe her). Nisi nearly here on the basis of UB. Been to mediation, waste of time for us as HE IS THE MASTER. Filled in Form E and hopefully he has, now just waiting for the lies to read. Once he moved out he took the opportunity to use my time at work as the best time to take anything of value from the house. Nice. Now everything is locked from the inside including bedrooms etc. My DS is intending to buy him out so we both have somewhere to live and actually I.m not ready to move out as its my home. Ive said before that I don't feel that qualified to give advice that others do as I am a relative newbie and don't have young DC's but on good days hope I can help you raise a smile cos you have all helped me in one way or another. …...

See - that is not a busy person being careful with their time - that is a really bullying and patronising thing to say. That has been done just so the dentist feels a little bit more powerful. So I hope it worked for him. Because from here he looks like a nob who can do with all the little power trips he can get. But I'm sorry you can't get the work done. And it's not boring, or me-me-me. That dentist was trying to induce exactly that response. Fuck him.

Was there a bucket in the dental surgery?

Like, a fuckbucket?

Apart from the dentist, I mean.

[ wry smile ] thanks happy

I'm very pleased that at the time I kept calm and called him on his shitty behaviour (I said, "I see that you don't want to explain again, please don't worry about it..." and started to stand up and he then begrudgingly started to explain). He's normally tolerable but he's very pompous.

You handled it very well. I aspire to that level of grace. Sounds like you politely let him know he was being a bucket. Excellent.

I feel that it's important to me not to harden up as a result of this experience, something I did when my first proper relationship ended years ago. But it's easy to be squidgy and open when you've got someone to go home to or text when things are getting tricky.

Myturn - you go girl!! I HATE dentists.

I still can't get my head around how every single person here continues to be dicked around in all sorts of really shitty ways. Posting scan pics? Really?! And taking your mistress to a holiday destination you have been to with your wife? Just why??!!

My blood is boiling. Its been on a high simmer for a fair number of days now. No tears recently. Although deep deep levels of frustration with all sorts of people.

I'm another who can't even consider the possibility of thinking about dating. I have no desire to start being nice to someone who is just going to dick me around. I also have enough on my plate.

Right now I'm not keeping on. I'm raging on. Xx

Rage on Tom. Rage is better than puddle. xx

I'm even cross its summer - the weather does not suit my mood in the slightest.

Weeeeellll... I think we can confidently cross off the list the "pompous dentist" who seems to know how to kick a woman when she's down from the potential-date-list! I'm so sorry you've had to face this today, some people just seem to know how to hone in those already low. :( 5k is a lot of money, perhaps not for a dentist.

wannabe - dating again? Heaven forbid. I can't imagine putting my heart on the line again. This was the one to whom I opened up to, who gave me a family (am estranged from mine) - and he's ripped it away. Who the fuck would want me anyway? Middle-aged single mum who cries a lot, drinks too much wine and can't hold her head up high because we live in a small place and everyone will know that X's new boyfriend is actually swiss's wife. To the point where I've not been to tesco for nearly 3 weeks...

I've not spoken to him today. Last night I told him that he had nothing else to take from me.

I feel DIMINISHED. Does that make sense?

You wonderful, wonderful women

Yes, makes perfect sense swiss. I feel battered and bruised, but I'm off my back and getting on to my knees...

Swiss you can have my rage. I am making life uncomfortable for him, not the other way round. He is supposed to be at his godson's birthday party on saturday but is seeing his whore instead so I am going to the party. I will be lovely. I will hold my head up high.

I have taken dd to see his family a couple of times recently. I have been lovely. Holding my head up high.

I am exposing him for the rat he is and I want to leave a lasting legacy that all of his friends and family will think him an utter fool, totally deluded.

This is one of my tactics to get revenge.

And hold on a second swiss. Diminished? What. The. Fuck?! You are dealing with treachery of the highest order. By keeping going, by keeping your sense of humour, by loving your kids you are GROWING do you hear me? You are getting stronger day by day and soon you will be towering over that pair of weasels.

Lovely ladies of the bar, < and drifted> as you can see we are coming to the end of yet another thread, and I'm looking for someone to take over stewardship while I take some time off to get divorced and shit.

Anyone want to head up for this one?

What happy said! Change your dentist

Lovely evening with a friend and feeling tired and happy. Ups and downs eh?

all who are going through this.

Finally, a place I could come to feel at home.

Hobbit - I'll give it a go unless anyone else wants to do the next thread?

Did someone say weasels? Sorry I haven't posted for a long time on here - still going through the same shit and the 1 year anniversary since the weasel walked out on me and my girls is next week 15th Aug.
Myturn - tell that dentist to piss off. You have different priorities and it isn't to line the pockets of that twat.

I have posted up the next thread sparkly my darling, could you link it up to the others? I am a bona fide IT idiot, it would be much appreciated.

I didn't want to just stop the support for you newer members, it is so important to share our stories and gain strength from each other.

Keep on keeping on, x

Click here for our shiny new thread...

Thank you Hobbit and Jess

Just need to fill up this thread with random shit, otherwise izzie gets all Tasmanian devil on us....

Jess's favourite tipple....

Incoming from twat features....

Part 12 up and running...