HOBBIT'S BAR - Still finding it hard to move on .. Part 11

[Notlivingwithsemtexhoorah]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, swear, ask for advice,swear, relate to others in the same situation, swear, take a break, swear and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support and swear a bit. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and swear alot and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary for swearing. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in, oh and swear a bit more if you like.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been joined by a pineapple and an Uzi in this 1st post for those who don't like firearms
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is My Silver Lining

My name is Semtex, 50, married almost 31 years, 2 DSs 26 & one DD 28. One DS has NC with their Dad the other two have been well and truly brainwashed(Thought it was my fault but counsellor says otherwise, so I will believe her). Nisi nearly here on the basis of UB. Been to mediation, waste of time for us as HE IS THE MASTER. Filled in Form E and hopefully he has, now just waiting for the lies to read. Once he moved out he took the opportunity to use my time at work as the best time to take anything of value from the house. Nice. Now everything is locked from the inside including bedrooms etc. My DS is intending to buy him out so we both have somewhere to live and actually I.m not ready to move out as its my home. Ive said before that I don't feel that qualified to give advice that others do as I am a relative newbie and don't have young DC's but on good days hope I can help you raise a smile cos you have all helped me in one way or another. …...

Fucking hell that was meant to be a

2little there are so many awful stories on here it almost seems par for the course to read another horror story. But there is something so wrong about a man leaving a very young child and a pregnant wife. To my mind, this is one of the most magical times in a marriage. How anyone can think of leaving at such a time, it's just inconceivable. I'm not sure I've ever replied to any of your posts, but I'm just shocked to the core. Hugs xxx

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first fail and won't be the last I'm sure

Haha love that!

Thats me that is

Yay, you did it!

Thank you izzie. I'm pretty sure that he's seriously messed up mentally although still holding down a job and OW and trying to show the world I was the problem somehow. I feel strangely calm a lot of the time now, I think because I've stopped wondering why or how, I know it makes no sense, not even to him I suspect.
I was so obsessed when he left about saving our family and then for him to have a relationship with our children that I totally lost sight of the fact that the only important thing is that the children have happiness and stability and I think they have that now, which was never achievable with him.
I find it chilling sometimes, that I once loved a man who is capable of this.
In my head I will never get over

• him refusing to return our dd and not allowing me to see or speak to her for 2 days
• the state she eventually came home in
• him swearing on her life about blatant lies
• him leaving her with strangers because his job was more important
• him sleeping with another woman whilst ttc with me twice
• him sending sex messages to ow during contact time
• him walking out of contact to go and be with ow
• the torrent of verbal abuse I've suffered since he left
• him blaming this entire thing on me
• him actively praying i miscarried on Mother's Day weekend
• him attempting to manipulate me into a termination saying he may come back if I did
• him cancelling contact days to be with ow
• him totally cutting contact with an innocent 2.5 year old who thought he was her hero.

This man truly truly deserves nothing in this life.
Since he has left I have not once shouted or sworn or stopped his contact, I've cried of course but mostly held it together to be amicable for my children.

Therapy has done wonders for me though I have to say.

Evening all. I'm 'bout to hit the wine having not quite achieved my list for today.

I do have cats back so that's something. And I cleaned the bathroom thoroughly and unbunged the bunged up plughole (long hair does not suck, it blocks!). And I filled the kitchen sink with hot water, which went cold without my expressed agreement. The fecking cups did not wash themselves so I am mostly fucking furious at the mo. I did not drink sufficient tea, having decided to have an affair with coffee. I am now bouncing off the walls.

Meh.

Hello Izzie how are you? You are most definitely an asset to this thread otherwise I'd have to find someone else to blame for everything, and I can't be having that. Not me. Nooooo.

[Sincerely, I hope you're doing okay]

We are all having internet ishoos at mo - I always wondered how you do that questionmark diamond thing?

Link works fine Semtex I'm guessing you wanted to post a piccie, so I think what you should have done is

1. Save the image to your computer (right click on mouse, then 'save to...') [I always save on the desktop to make it easier to find]

2. Then come to MN thread and just below the message box (the bit we type in) there are three 'bars' with "choose file". Click on "choose file" and then navigate to your image

3. Then post message, and by MN magic the image appears!

Semtex you got it sussed without me.

s'ok wwk I can pretend that you learnt me the proppa way fank u x

2little that's one shocking list of fuckwittery you've withstood there! You're amazing for coping with that, you really are. You do know that it's okay to have 'down time' and have a bloody good cry and wallow, don't you?

I think you've really shown the impact of 'contact' we have with these fuckwits affects our wellbeing (the less, the better!) and just how bloody awful some people can be.

And this: I think because I've stopped wondering why or how is the hardest thing to do - but the only way to worship at the Mecca of Meh. Bloody hard though. Thank God for Hobbits insight into it!

I nearly moved to Oxford but someone employed me instead so I'm moving to Scotland, which is odd because if you ever asked me where I never wanted to live, I would have said Scotland. Divorce really does turn your world on its head, doesn't it? I can't bloody wait to move there, either. Not that I hate Wales, of course, just the fuckwittery that stranded me here. Cunt that he be.

2little reading that list what an unutterably sad excuse for a man he is. You are doing so well and sound so well balanced in your reaction to all of this. And you're right, it is all about the kids and they and you will get through it together

WWK perhaps you should add alcohol to the mix then the ceiling could get a look-in too

Working on it Bobs on my second glass - because I am giving up guilt for Lent.

When is Lent?

I have just caught up with the last thread. Bobs it's official - you're hilariously nuts.

Just deliriously happy/shitting myself coz I got a date for my First Hearing today and even though it might take up to a year I finally feel that I'm doing something constructive

Anyway speak for yourself

Wwk- it's funny because I only live here because of ex too. Moved to be with him, but actually that is one good thing because I love it here so thank god he's buggered off 50 miles further north rather than staying here.
The move to Scotland sounds like an exciting adventure, I hope you'll keep us well posted with it all.

He's an arse, he'll always be an arse but it won't always be my problem. I think he gets by with lying as most of them do, the lines they all use, she never understood me, she nagged, bla bla. Might explain not being with me, but not seeing his children?!

I feel that I'm missing out on all the drunken frolicks here. 12 weeks to go.
I decided today, all by myself that I like the name Hugo if the baby is a boy :)

I'm not drinking 2little Hugo is nice, i like it - very individual

Thank you bobs, I like it, still not much clue on boys names though. How come you're off the alcohol? X

I meant girls names - brain is mush

RMA Hi gang.

Oh what a rollercoaster of shit divorce is. As Bobs has said I am also off the drink I cannot cope the next day with a hangover I feel dreadfully low / panic / short of breath .

But to my wonderful friends in the bar I raise a tin of lemonade shandy and say KOKO.

Checked in. Checking out to bed.

I am on the drink because I am not wurking tomorrow. And because I can. I do not drink when wurking the next day. MrSW had ishoos with my lack of drinking before wurking...

Go gifure!

Just to make a pint. Point.

Well it's not coz I'm pregnant (though still medically possible it would have to be an immaculate conception!!!!)

Re girls names, we ended up putting 10 into a hat and picked one out 10 days after DD2 was born. Just couldn't decide. I think there's loads of threads on MN about this

Hi Drifted Bye Drifted sleep well