HOBBIT'S BAR - Still finding it hard to move on .. Part 11

[Notlivingwithsemtexhoorah]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, swear, ask for advice,swear, relate to others in the same situation, swear, take a break, swear and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support and swear a bit. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and swear alot and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary for swearing. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in, oh and swear a bit more if you like.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been joined by a pineapple and an Uzi in this 1st post for those who don't like firearms
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is My Silver Lining

My name is Semtex, 50, married almost 31 years, 2 DSs 26 & one DD 28. One DS has NC with their Dad the other two have been well and truly brainwashed(Thought it was my fault but counsellor says otherwise, so I will believe her). Nisi nearly here on the basis of UB. Been to mediation, waste of time for us as HE IS THE MASTER. Filled in Form E and hopefully he has, now just waiting for the lies to read. Once he moved out he took the opportunity to use my time at work as the best time to take anything of value from the house. Nice. Now everything is locked from the inside including bedrooms etc. My DS is intending to buy him out so we both have somewhere to live and actually I.m not ready to move out as its my home. Ive said before that I don't feel that qualified to give advice that others do as I am a relative newbie and don't have young DC's but on good days hope I can help you raise a smile cos you have all helped me in one way or another. …...

No advice about the divorce swisscheese, but could do with the same advice - I want to do it with as little expense as possible.
Are you in the process of getting a diagnosis for MS? Not easy to be going through this shit while that's going on too.

There is lots of advice online re divorce. Have a look at Wikivorce for starters. The divorce is done separate to the finances and to do it yourself costs £410. However you should always get a free half hour with a couple of solicitors for advice. It depends also if you both agree to it and the reason, which will make it easier to do

I've told him to organise it immediately, seems in Scotland a DIY we would have to wait 12 months. A "blame" one can be done immediately - I've told him to crack the fuck on (his mum works in a solicitors) and cite his adultery as the reason. Have told him if he goes for adultery I will not contest it, if he doesn't I'll do it for DV. Petty? Spiteful? I don't know, it's just what I need to do. He has agreed thus far - onus on him to at least put something right. I paid for the fucking wedding...

Sparkly - yes, actually back at the docs this morning. It's shit - I had a bad attack last summer and he said he'd be there. Was virtually bed-ridden a month ago and he was trotting around town...

He's all over the place with promises, last week saying let's get back together, then saying it was over years ago. So I'm just pushing for this quickie divorce now. Remove myself from this situation. If I have to be alone so be it -but I "vant to be alone" not his wife. Thank The Lord I never took his name and the DC's are double-barrelled. Not sure if I can do anything about that.

I am hurt by the fact some people seem to get off on your pain. Kate moss and I Almost share a birthday (alas not looks nor millions) and at least I've not got paps trying to catch my misery on film. Horrible pic of Ben affleck's wife's face in the papers last week and she looked utterly ruined.

Only been up an hour but have both cries and felt strong. I though someone here said an hour at a time - what about 15 mins at a time?

I'm due a big talk with WA this afternoon. Should be good.

15 minutes at a time is still good going x

I used DivorceOnline service in a previous marriage - Ex and I agreed eventually on financial matters ourselves - and I found it really straightforward, but I had a number of local solicitor appointments first to outline case, and give advice on all the assets to consider, and Ex was amenable in providing documents / pension details etc...
We both agreed it was better to sort out and split assets between us, than argue and those assets ending up going to pay solicitors fees.

Divorce is still not being discussed with current DH, we agree what's in the best interest of the children is priority, he's providing financially, and OW is disgruntled that there is no sign of her becoming involved with his children/family.

I'm relieved that we get on and are amicable, I feel lucky in comparison to some of you where Exes have turned into uncaring, nasty, don't give a shit about the DCs, outright cunts...

Sending support to you all. KOKO xxx

Can I get a in here?

And just shout twunt in the father jack stylie in the corner for a bit?

Ta

I'm listening and raising a glass to you. Can you teach me any new swear words?

My MIL emailed me today saying that I "need to consider primarily the needs of the children".

I replied, "it IS me who's considering the needs of the children. Each and every single day. It's me who comforts them when they have nightmares and it's me who wipes away their tears.

It's NOT me who drags them into the house of a new partner"

aaaaaand breathe!

No new ones Swisscheesetony.

Just the classics, loud and slurring

fecking useless wankering twattering TWAT

aaaaaand breathe!

Will join you in the loud sweary drink ???? - once I've got the DC's to bed...been a very long day

Just namechanged as I'm really not Confused anymore. That is out of date as is my marriage.

So, not doing sob story, in fact...don't feel like sobbing. Just want to swear because XHTB is an utter ...

KNOBJOCKEY
TWAT
BELLEND (thanks Swiss for that one)
ARROGANT CUNTING NOBHEAD
WASTE OF OXYGEN
TWAT
TWUNT
ARSEHEADED ARSE

ahhh, where's the . Much better now. As you were...feel free to add your own.

Oh I love the Father Jack image, Confused!

I'm going to slosh around randomly over all the antique dressers that DH has left here, and also add a "FUCK OFF" to Swiss's MIL, and "PS FUCK OFF FOR SPAWNING A SONOFABITCH THAT YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED YOU BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD, ARE YOU SURE YOU KEPT THE BABY AND NOT THE AFTERBIRTH?!"

(I love my MIL - when DS told her not to judge him for his wanky behaviour, she told him she brought him into the world, and that gave her every right to judge him)

FUCKSTER CHEATERS AND THEIR MUNTER OWs

love an outburst of verbal tourette's

Actually in her defence my MIL is usually great. Her TWATBOX left her when her youngest (DC3) was still in the incubator... decided "parenthood wasn't for him" and he's not been seen since. AND she was furious at him... but still meddling because she doesn't want me to do a runner of course. FUCKSTICKS!

Yesterday I used FUCK-BUCKETRY!

Fair enough Swiss...I'll take back my outburst to your MIL, send her some and just say "Oi, MIL! Swiss is doing a goddamn fine job with your grandkiddiewinkles. LEAVE IT!"

Is fuck-bucketry another term for the anatomical orifice of OWs where fuckster cheaters slip and oops! their dick fell in there totally unbeknownst to them?!

I like to think that rather than being besotted with OWs fuck-bucket, DH is faced with THIS each evening.....

I think today, day 29, is my first day without crying.

Truly40 - haha that's my face if I have to do ironing!

Well done Myturnnow ! Well bloody done!

On that subject, when I cry, DS2 (3) says "did daddy make you cry? did daddy do something?". What is the correct response? I don't want to brush it under the carpet, wipe the tears and say "nothing" because I don't want to confuse him (them) further and/or make them thing it's them. So I've been saying "Yes, daddy made mummy feel sad". Any advice/tips?

Fuck-bucketry is the depths your ex will sink to in an attempt to hurt you. I think.

Hug and , Myturn....
I'm 5 months in post-separating - and now it's good weeks / bad weeks rather than good day/ bad day...but the bad weeks - I think, how much more crying is physically possible.

Swiss - I think I would try to keep responses as neutral as possible. Rather than "daddy made me sad", "I'm feeling sad because daddy left/daddy and mummy not together any more"
I give DS (3) a mummy kiss and then a daddy kiss at bedtime, so he knows he's loved by us both. He often says "Daddy come home", and I tell him he'll see Daddy soon. When DH is here on weekends, we put him to bed together.

Shit isn't it. DH wanted a child who'd be raised by 2 loving parents in a loving family. And then left him a week before his 3rd birthday.

I'm a year in now. I remember that first day I didn't cry. It is significant. Take that bit of strength. You'll get there.

Now I get caught out with the odd day when I cry out of the blue. I think it's gone but it still pops up. Counselling has helped a lot though.

and now I've finished the . Thanks for letting me prop the bar for a rant.

I really don't know how you manage this experience with shitty exes and/or children in the mix. I admire you all so much.

Hi again everyone. Well done those of you in the early days; it really is one step at a time. Today is the day I can apply for divorce - in Australia you have to be officially separated for a year and a day before applying. I'm not though, yet - the government increased the cost of applying by almost 50% with no warning, & as they should've gone through the Senate properly and didn't, there's a legal challenge, so I might as well wait & see what happens there! Also I do need proof that we've sorted parenting our 5yo DD, & although we had mediation, he didn't sign the patenting plan and has been a complete fuckknob in many ways since then, but had now agreed to return to mediation, so hopefully we will have an agreement there soon. He has no ties in Australia aside from our daughter (& told me she's the only reason he's here), no permanent income, but a flat in London, family support and possibly greater likelihood of work... so despite agreeing in mediation that we wouldn't take her overseas on her own with just one parent until she's at least 8, he's requested twice to take her overseas on his own since then. On one occasion I offered to go as well (pay my own way, stay somewhere different etc but take her through passport control) but he threw his toys out of the pram, threatened the police (?!), got his lawyer to call me - who by the way agreed that what I had proposed was quite a reasonable compromise. No doubt he's been told the only way he'll get access to her passport is by attempting mediation again. I have proposed it many times but he had refused so I am at least pleased he's reconsidered.

He is as nice as pie to me in person but his emails and text messages are full of hysterical, vitriolic bile. I am grateful he has given me such a good paper trail but it's exhausting dealing with it just the same!

So happy 'today I can apply for divorce day' to me. Wishing those of you who need 'meh' plenty of it.

Parenting plan. Not patenting. I wouldn't want to patent him!

Well Hello, confused , can I just say, I like the cut of your gib, I've just popped in to the bar for a bit of a sweary rant me self.

Doing some internet stalkery on FB on Bitchface Ow's page

Took ages to get everyone settled and happy tonight, I think I've missed sweary rant in the bar.

I love fuck-bucketry, I will use that as often as possible! So cheers to all of you - KOKO xx (now off to deal with DD's sudden nosebleed)