Affair - learning to survive

[OpheliaRose]

I'be linked to my previous thread here which contains links to the first threads in the OP


I want to thank everyone again for all their support. As the title suggests I'm about to tart learning to survive

[MerryMarigold]

Any update on your bro and lovely friend . Can she come to the pub too?

[NorthernLights33]

Am thinking of you today Ophelia Hope that the AD kick in soon and that you start to feel better bit by bit. Celebrate your brother and dad today as they sound lovely!

[Rosieliveson]

Have been thinking of you today Phee. One more obstacle overcome, one more step on the road to recovery and happiness

[Dumdedumdedum]

Do hope you had a good week-end, Ophelia Rose, and that you are reunited with happy twins and you all have a restful night's sleep tonight.

[OpheliaRose]

Thank you all for your support its been a really tough day for me I will be honest. It hurt so bad knowing he was off with our twins having a lovely family meal. I've been going to those family meals for 12 years so to not be there this year felt like a massive hole in my life.

I got thorough it however and the twins are home safely tucked up in bed. They missed me by the sounds of it and i'm glad to have them back.

My weekend was ok well as ok as it could be. My brother came over saturday to help with handover then we packed up the car with some snakc food and our camera's and went for a drive out to the country for a really long walk. it was beautiful and actually quite a lot of fun. we talked a lot, i should give him more credit for how wise he can be. we've always been fairly close as siblings go but this experience has really really shown me what a kind wise and wonderful brother i actually have. He explained to me how much H betrayal has hurt him too and how hard he's found it to deal with. They've been really good friends for pretty much the whole time we've been together / married. It was sort of like sharing in grief I guess.

We drove back to my parents and later went out ot the pub with old friends of DB, It was fun however i did feel a bit out of place and left before my DB did but it was a start. I found I didn't really have much to say ...I seem to have lost my voice and just felt like everything I said sounded really silly.

Merry my friend had children on the weekend but DB did mention they spend a lot of time talking on Whatsapp or via text. I asked my friend about it and she said she felt like a teenager again with a friend who has a hot brother you have a crush on and then just laughed it off.

[FriendofBill]

Be yourself.
You don't have to be entertaining/amusing/whatever.
You are enough.
Take those expectations from yourself they don't serve you!
Just attending was huge, well done.

Better have a genuine snack with DB than a big fake lunch with those fucking snakes.
You are bound to miss them after so long but seriously? They should be ashamed of themselves.

[Lilacflower]

You did well and that's you over one hurdle

[HexBramble]

Ophelia, you and your DBro are fabulous. You sound such lovely people. You've done well this weekend. Well done.

[Jackw]

i seem to have lost my voice I think this is perfectly understandable. You have taken such a knock, you are doing so well to actually drag yourself out of the house. This might get better once you get back to work. I hope so.

Have your in laws not contacted you at all since that horrible phone call from your MIL right at the start of all this? Bizarre behaviour. Are they embarrassed and ashamed, do you think, or just incredibly unfeeling?

[LondonRocks]

You're a !

Well bloody done, Phee. And your brother, wow, he is fab. Glad you have lovely family around you who know what love really is.

Sleep well, be proud!

[Weebirdie]

Hear Hear!

[Rosieliveson]

That's one more tough time over with Phee. Well done. Your inlaws have really shown their true colours in this. It's awful to feel so out in the cold after such a long time in he family fold. What a fold though?! Full of selfish liars and philandering partners. One day I hope you realise you are better off out of that toxic clan.
Your brother really is a diamond in this isn't he. What a great guy to have on your side. Don't worry about not always being your funniest, most charming self. You have suffered horribly in recent months. The good times will soon start to outweigh the bad and you'll be back to your old self

[StaircaseAtTheUniversity]

My heart breaks for you, Ophelia. I remember so clearly how awful it felt to be betrayed by the person I had loved since being a teenager. I felt like everything I was was bound up in him and that I would never be the same again. We didn't have any children together, so the break was cleaner maybe, but it was terrible.

I suppose I never was the same again... But that's okay because I did end up okay and I am happy now after thinking I never ever would be again. Antidepressants really saved me. And, cliche though it is, time. One day you will wake up and you won't miss him. It might- and probably will- take years, but one day you will be happy and this will seem like another life.

I know we are just people online, Ophelia, but you've got so much love being sent to you from The Mumsnet Massive. Thinking of you.

[MerryMarigold]

Phee, that sounds really good. A walk sounds perfect actually. So glad you did that, and that your brother was also great and it could be a beneficial time for both of you to talk. You and your DBro's relationship sounds fab, it sounds like your parents have done really well parenting you both too, which is a fantastic gift you can pass onto your kids too. I hope my kids can be so close when they grow up. I am really close to my dsis, but dh and his dbro just seem to compete and not really like each other very much, which is so sad. I agree with PP who said you both sound like lovely people.

Sadly, I don't think your exH is the exception in his family, and I am another who thinks you are better off not being at that lunch of insincere, uncaring, superficial people. It is really disgraceful the way they have dealt with you.

It is exciting with friend (I'll try to keep my hair on!), but I guess she is going cautiously. It is good your dB is seeing you go through this in some ways, so he can be more sensitive/ mature to what she has gone through too.

[coconutpie]

My gosh, Ophelia. I've just read all your threads and bloody heck, you are one heck of a woman. You have been through SO much in such a short amount of time and have taken an incredible amount of action so far. You really are so brave and admirable.

Your H is an absolute and utter shitbag, and a bloody delusional shitbag at that. So is this WF slut. The MNers on here have offered some incredible advice so far. Please do not be rushed into anything by your H - it is still just a short timeframe, do not let him bulldoze you into anything.

I am gobsmacked at the neck on him, and then to say he wanted to take them on holiday in 4 months! Who the fuck does he think he is? Fair play to you for saying that for 9 months, they can't be introduced. You need to protect your DC, they may be small but they can pick up on these things at that age. He clearly is only thinking of himself, not the best interest of the DC.

My heart goes out to you, I don't know what else to say but you're in my thoughts and I hope you continue to find the strength to get through this.

[Dumdedumdedum]

Hi, Phee, nothing to add to the above, just saying well done for the week-end and I hope the AD's kick in any minute now. Reiterating my support, amongst many others.

[3teenageboys]

Fab Phee good to see your still kicking ARSE in your skinny jeans!!! I was wondering how you were & am so glad to read you are doing so well.
You will be the victor in this, your family & beautiful DT's will give you strength. He is just scrum & unworthy of your tears xxx

[3teenageboys]

Oh God.......bloody AUTOCORRECT....aaaaah....SCUM NOT SCRUM!!!

[Rosieliveson]

Hi Phee, just checking in to see how things are and wish you well

[Iwasbornin1993]

Thinking of you Phee! Not long until you start back at work now is it? How exciting for you! Your DB sounds so lovely, it's really great that you seem to have such a wonderful support network around you and the DTs!

[OkyDoke]

Hi Phee, was thinking about you, hope things are going okay.

[derxa]

Hope things are OK
Dx

[AndyWarholsOrange]

Hi Phee You're doing so well. When I've had tough times in my life, I kind of think of it as an obstacle course- You've cleared some huge obstacles like seeing them together, mediation and now Father's Day. There will be more but you will get over them. I'm so glad your family are there for you.
Talking of obstacles, when is DTs' birthday as I imagine that could bring up some difficult feelings and it might help to plan ahead for that x

[Weebirdie]

I like to think that when people stay away from their threads its because they're coping a bit better and not needing us so much. So Phee, here's hoping that you're doing OK and that you're feeling a bit better.