Affair - learning to survive

[OpheliaRose]

I'be linked to my previous thread here which contains links to the first threads in the OP

I want to thank everyone again for all their support. As the title suggests I'm about to tart learning to survive

And speaking of silver linings. It's a lot easier to get back into workplace when you had a break that is not too long and to people with whom you worked before.

you are very wise Gerti Also I doubt she will ever be able to trust him really. What you say makes a lot of sense but I still feel horribly sad and jealous that she now has my H and i'm left broken and alone.

I was reminded today when we popped out for milk briefly that its fathers day next weekend. Should I get him a card and gift from the twins!?

I have read all of your threads and am so impressed by the way that you are coping so far. I have had no experience in this so have just followed and supported quietly but your last post made me think as it would be unfair to expect you to get a present and card for fathers day but it wood also be bad for the dts not to. Could you text his mum to say that you think that she should get something from the twins this year for him? Xx

I don't think you should get him anything for Father's Day. I don't think he has any idea how much he has damaged you and what a bad place you are in right now and I think that getting him something will just confirm his delusion that you are OK, though a little bit sad.

You don't need to buy him anything but you can remind DT to draw him a picture.

Gah that's a tough one. He obviously deserves nothing. But I agree re card and picture - it shows effort had gone in but without having to actually give him a gift. And he should be delighted with a pic anyway.

About Father's Day: are the twins even aware of it at their age? If not, I suggest they are young enough that you leave it till they are at nursery, when they will be making cards for both Father's and Mother's Days and you won't have to give any input until they ask you what they can give Daddy for Father's Day. When children are that young, I think the exchange of cards and gifts for Hallmark days is more about the people in the marriage showing their love for each other as parents of children they are bringing up together, than actually coming from the children. Which is unfortunately not the case here. If you see what I mean?
About you, Phee: I still don't know what to say, but hope things will get better for you and the anti depressants will start kicking in and you start feeling better.

I would say buy a card and some kind of home made craft item (like a drawing) on the basis that Father's Day is for the benefit of the children

Re fathers day. Id go for the home made thing too. It does give u some dignity without looking as though you are find and dandy with everything.
How many days are you on the tablets now?
You can start looking forward to a slight improvement soon.
Phee they don't really know each other as people, only in a lustful way.
Id imagine as reality sets in and they realise quite literally that their respective shit still stinks, it will be hard to maibtain this apparent fairy tale.
At the end if the day he has shown himself to have some pretty big gaps in his personality, ie. Kindness, compassion, respect, empathy and basic human regard.
Even cheaters try to minimise the impact upon and ex and not rub it in like he has.
Those flaws are inherent and will not disappear so cannot fail to eventually effect the way he treats othsr partners.
I see and hear about my xh and his life with ow and I actually pity her.
Over time the passion has waned with real life and kids and they live a mundane existence with him still doing pretty much as he pleases whike she is stuck at home posting about feeling a doormat on facebook and getting no mothers or birth day cards.
She Stole my life alright!
She's bloody welcome to it

de-lurking to send you
Can you make Fathers Day about the twins, not him? Help them to make him a handmade card, they'll enjoy it and it's age appropriate. It's shit - but for the next 15 years or so you'll have to handle Fathers Day, husbands birthday and Christmas.
You could even make it a tradition that the twins make cards - maybe do it for the in-laws too? Then you don't have to trawl the shops seething at the nice verses - and it makes you the better person for rising above it.
Just remind yourself you are doing it for the twins, it's the right thing for them.
Next weekend will be his weekend with them anyway won't it?

Would I chuff do anything about Father's Day! He showed himself tone a pretty shit father the moment he chose to put his sex life ahead of them and anyway, they're far too young to even know that it's a made-up day unlike Mothering Sundaywhat it is.

And isn't it next weekend that he's ducking out of access in order to go on his jolly jaunt for Wank Fodder's birthday?

Phee, I wouldn't do Fathers Day for the simple reason the twins are too young to know about it and the suggestion of it being handled at nursery from now on in is a good one. Yes, they will eventually want to do things for him but thats when others can take them to the shops, or perhaps by then you'll be able to do it without a care in the world because you're life will be so much happier.

And the post form Gerti at 21.15 is spot on.

Morning Phee, I wouldn't do anything for Father's Day this year, unless it's some kind of ironic 'you're a cunt' card. He doesn't deserve it. If the twins make something elsewhere then give it to him but I wouldn't put any effort for him myself.
And glad you are still keeping your sense of humour through this horrible time. It comes through on your posts.

Phee, on Tomatos thread she's just said her husbands sister in seeing to Fathers Day for their wee girl.

The only comment I would make about not doing anything for Fathers' Day, is that you will likely be reliant on him to help the twins when it comes round to Mothers' Day next year.

I dont think Phee will be reliant on him. She seems to have a tight knit family unit who'll more than make the day a great one for her.

So if they get married.

How many people will they fit into that stationery cupboard where they first declared true love?

Eh? Is that right clam? Is he really going to miss contact on Father's Day? What cunts

I'm speechless

No he isn't missing Fathers day for OW. Her Birthday is in the late summer but he mentioned it early so he has time to sort childcare with either me or his parents (and to rub salt into my wounds)

His family usually have a big lunch on mothers and fathers day so i'm assuming he'll take the twins there. I haven't asked yet

He never misses an opportunity to do that does he!
Fuming on your behalf Ophelia.
He really is a shit father anyway. I don't think Clintons do 'you let us down so badly' or 'thank God for our mother on fathers day'

On a different note, how are you this morning?
It's a drab one here in Surrey...

Oh, well, if his family makes a big deal of it and the twins will be with him on Father's Day, I suggest you just do the absolute minimum and go with the "drawing for Daddy" home-made card idea this time, (which is actually really nice, anyway!) but nothing more. Or his mother can organize it for them so that her precious son doesn't feel hurt and left out because the wife he's just upped and left without a backward glance doesn't feel up to pretending that she thinks he's a lovely father.

Mind you, I still think they're too young to understand and you should just leave it to the nursery in future years. I agree with Weebirdie that Mother's Day shouldn't be a consideration here, as I'm sure other people will pick up the slack for you for that, and for your birthday, Phee, even if STBEH doesn't.

Your children are too young so leave it until they are old enough to want to do something themselves. If you buy a present for them to give, he knows it's from you. He probably won't bother with Mothers Day next year.