Affair - learning to survive

[OpheliaRose]

I'be linked to my previous thread here which contains links to the first threads in the OP

I want to thank everyone again for all their support. As the title suggests I'm about to tart learning to survive

"This is for them, not him."

But as many others have said, they are too young to even know about it!

So what is the point? There are no benefits to outweigh the negatives.

Your dad is a diamond isn't he BlesS him, offering to sort a card so you don't have to. Glad you have supportive family there to help you through this.

Whether your dad picks out a card, writes and posts it, or the little ones make something for him, they are both saying "Thanks for being a great dad". That makes no sense coming from your dad, lovely though he sounds. As for the twins.....a good dad deserving of confirmation? I think not.

Whether you got him a card or whether your dad gets him a card he's still being acknowledged. And he doesn't deserve that. The twins don't understand so I don't see the point in anyone doing anything for him.

Hey, I think we need to be a little more sympathetic and respectful to Ophelia. I'm not sure this endless debate is all that helpful, or indeed, important tbh.

Merry I'm pretty sure every one of us is only concerned for Phee. No one has been disrespectful. We have all seen enough of her being put through the wringer by Twat Chops.

I don't think only amazing mothers and fathers get a card on the days. Maybe you can have an agreement that while kids are so young cards are sorted out by your and his parents respectively for you and him. And then when DT are aware of the meaning of the day they can make something themselves. Bit it needs to be communicated explicitly, so it doesn't get out of hand.

I spent an amusing five minutes getting Father's Day cards today.
For dh, easy a nice one.
My step dad, easy a nice one.
Exh- very hard, not going to give him one that says "fab dad" or "thanks for everything you do dad" same as my real dad.
Managed to get pretty benign "happy Father's Day" ones for them.
It's a bloody farce really isn't it.

London, just felt the debate was going on a bit, and kind of putting down what Phee had already decided to do. Plus she had already decided (with help of nice Dad) so it was a bit pointless, I think. I'm sure everyone FEELS concerned, but it doesn't always come across. I think if she was thinking about getting back together with ExH, we could certainly all come and kindly tell her that it's not a good idea, but in the grand scheme of things, a card doesn't seem to be a big deal or not.

Ledkr - 4 FD cards. Wow.

I know what you mean, Merry, I just worry that this man thinks he can do what the hell he likes and life will revolve around him. He has no concept of the destruction in his wake and personally, I saw a FD card arranged by Phee or her lovely dad, as yet another tick in the box of him seeing himself as Mister Reasonable.

Phee, I hope you are feeling a bit better today, love

It's nor about the man feeling affirmed that he is a good father though. Sending a father's day card from the kids let's him know that she still cares enough to bother to do it. It gives a message that she is still concerned about him whether it comes from her or her Dad. He and Ow will feel that she is chasing him through the kids.

That's not the truth though, and who gives a shit what they think?

OP has enough on her plate without policing people's thoughts.

So what if he is pissed off anyway. Fuck him. He isn't father of the year, he's barely a father, organising trips away on his access weekend, trying to force a relationship between his children and an adulteress, and making their mother cry. Fuck him.

Since the kids are unaware that it is fathers day, why is OP bothering though. What will be achieved? It is coming from OP not kids so it seems to be a way if showing him that she still cares. That's how he will see it.

The kids will be with him anyway so there is no need.

YY to Milllii and Smoosh.

Dear Phee! I just read that you started taking AD. It will take between two to three weeks before their effect kicks in, I think. Is anyone with you during these first weeks - apparently you might feel even worst to start with so you might really need someone to help you and your DT go through these days. I hope you will feel better by next week.
About Father Day: I agree with your DD. You will not regret it later and when you will discuss custody he will not bring against you any crap.
Good Luck Phee! Thinking about you a lot

How are you Phee?

I'v been better rachel I think i'm still adjusting to the meds and i've been thinking a lot. I know it sounds really silly but fathers day has had me really down in the dumps. I want to be making a bog deal out of it and attending the stupid family lunch, planning a yummy special fathers day breakfast, making a card and present with the twins but instead i'll be sat home alone without my lovely family.

Phee, I just dont know what to say to make you feel better.

xxxxx

I'm sorry, Phee. Hope you can make a fuss of your own dad. x

So sorry, this is heartbreaking

If you can bear it, and you want to do those things still, then maybe you and the twins can make cards for your Dad.

And make sure you have super pick up and drop off cover on board since you are more vulnerable at the moment.

Thinking of you loads

Can you stay over at home (ie. parents home) for Sat night? Wake up Sun and do a nice breakfast for your dad...

I know it sucks, but it's better than being stuck with a sucker.

Make a fuss of your dad instead. I know it's not the same, but let's celebrate him as he is there and supportive

that's what's more stupid is I don't want to be around my parents because I think it will just make me feel worse

I expect i'm being too negative I'm just suddenly being hit by all these things. Like H birthday isn't too far away, usually by now i'd be planning gifts or a way to make it extra special.