Affair - learning to survive

[OpheliaRose]

I'be linked to my previous thread here which contains links to the first threads in the OP


I want to thank everyone again for all their support. As the title suggests I'm about to tart learning to survive

[Ledkr]

Phee. Yiu have to go through all these anniversaries for a whole year before you can move on.
It's the same with brreavment.
Don't avoid it or be scared of it, allow those feelings to wash over you, aknowledge them, allow yourself to feel sad or angry.
As humans we tend to avoid our feelings or bury them and in the long run they end up Internslised.
This time next yesr yiu will have a wry smile at how much pain one day caused you.
I once cried for hours about a programme featuring a favourite holiday destination that we'd visited
As a family.
It too my friend to remind me that it had actually been a horrible holiday and he'd been an arse, probably because he was already seeing ow

[Ledkr]

My friends and I often got tigether. On potentially sad days .
For example valentines day we took the kids to the pictures then for pizza.
When your meds kick in you will be able to find more coping strategies.

[Milllii]

Phee, it is very very early days. Just accept that your feelings will change from day to day. There will come a time soon when you will start to feel happier that you are coping and finding enjoyment in the little things again. You will get stronger and feel better about yourself. He may not end up staying with her you know. He is " in lust" at the moment but once he gets over that he will see her for who she really is. Affairs don't often last once they are living normally. Sometimes they find that they don't really like the person they have left you for. You however will get stronger and stronger.

[MerryMarigold]

I don't think being around your parents will make you feel worse. I think it'll be bittersweet, but much, much better than being alone and surrounded by memories/ lack of family. Nothing can be painfree right now, but choose the best options for your own sanity. It takes a lot to force yourself, but you will thank yourself too, I think. Just being with other people, and surrounded by loved makes everyone's soul a little happier.

I expect your parents want to be there for you. I know if you were my daughter, I'd be really hoping you could lean on me, whenever you needed it, and I would never get tired of helping out my child who is going through so much. I think this is a pretty significant day, so get something planned now, even if you really, really, REALLY don't feel like it. What is your friend doing who has the kids and an exP? Are they going to their Dad's. Is she available?

Thinking of you...and agree with what Ledkr said. (She is wise).

[Smooshface]

If not your family then find something fun.and grown up to do.like cocktails or afternoon tea somewhere snooty where you can relax and avoid fathers day crowd. Or plan to sulk and watch thelma and Louise or something :) just try not to wallow too much, he isn't worth your time.

[OpheliaRose]

Sorry I've been so quite its just been a hard week.

I've been going to bed once the twins are in bed because I just needed the sleep.

I'm feeling a bit less like i'm trapped in a black hole today so that's an improvement.

Still feeling pretty sad about this weekend but my brother is insisting I go out with him for the day and then we'll both go stay with our parents. some of his old friends will be around this weekend so he suggest we all go to the pub on Saturday night then go out for lunch with my dad Sunday

I still don't feel 100% like i want to but I think i will

[HoggleHoggle]

Glad you're feeling a bit more up today, and those plans for the weekend sound good. You can always go home if you aren't enjoying yourself when you're out - it's what I always tell myself when there's something I'm not sure I want to do, and it helps relax me meaning I nearly always enjoy the thing much more than I thought I would.

[Ledkr]

Wow!! Phee, you sound better than ever. Good girl, well done.
I really hope you stay around so we can hear about your emergence back to life.
My exh just picked up dd and just happened to catch me fabulous and gorgeous, he looked gutted
This will be you in the future.
I hope things continue to improve.
Father's Day is a hype anyway.

[OpheliaRose]

awww thanks Ledkr thank you

glad your ex saw you looking amazing! sadly when H picks up twins tomorrow (not that i'll be seeing him) i'd just look drab and puffy face from crying on and off all week

[LondonRocks]

Ledkr is right!

Keep the faith gorgeous Phee

[Ledkr]

You will not!
I absolutely forbid it.
You will hopefully not see him because you are of course following our advice and getting soneone to do handover but of not you will do this.......
Some nice jeans and a top, tidy hair (at least) and a light foundation, eyeliner and some blusher.
You will be calm and aloof and make it snappy.
No time for his bullshit stories.

Afterwards you have my permission for light years only before embarking on a fun weekend with your brother who is quite frankly Marvelous

I promise you that you will feel better afterwards than if you had been Mrs puffy face victim

[Ledkr]

Light tears I meant!!

And if I can be fabulous at f f f f forty bloody 7, I'm damn sure you can at aged 30 grrrr.

[BIWI]

I'm a (very) long-term lurker on your threads, Ophelia, and I'm amazed and very impressed at how you've handled the situation, with such dignity.

However, on this occasion, I really, really wouldn't do a Father's Day card. Your twins are so little that it's obvious it's come from you/been done from you, and that will only pander to your ex-twunt's ego.

I'd ignore it altogether. Will your DTs even know if there's no card?

Oh, and I totally agree with Ledkr that you will be fabulous!

[Ledkr]

Oh and BIWI will punch you if you eat any potatoes too

[laurierf]

I know it's not how you imagined spending the weekend… but I live a very long way from my family now and a Saturday night out with my siblings + friends then a Sunday family lunch… make the most of it! Agree with Ledkr - your DB is a

[Ledkr]

phee imagine we are there tomorrow pinching your arm if you appear weak.
I'll be like a psychotic parrot on your shoulder pecking away.

[Ledkr]

I sent dd to her dads with a GIANT sarcastically gushing card.
She's happy and so am I.

[Rosieliveson]

Hi Phee, so sorry to hear it has been a tough week. I do hope the medicines kick in soon so that you can start to feel better. Hopefully, before you know it, you'll be feeling good and realise you haven't even taken a tablet yet.
It must be so hard not to think about H and how things would have been. Could you have a thought change strategy? Something simple like if you start to think of h you make a conscious effort to 'switch' your brain to planning a new outfit or something. You could also try writing the thought down and then screwing it up and throwing it away. And, I always believe tears (not in front of h) are better out than in

[MaMaof04]

Thinking about you Phee and your dear twins a lot.
I heard that the AD pills pull you down the first weeks before they pull you up. They say that pills alone do not help much- you also need a lot of mental work. But Phee you have been doing a phenomenal mental work since DD (since ever I bet) - your mind and heart are in the right place even if H and WF- who are wrong by all standards- want to make you think that they are not. You are also a great mum: I am sure you will do what Ledkr did: you will- and already is- focus(sing) on your kids to draw back your inner strength and everybody- not just us in MN- will see the Phab Phee shining again! Just patience ; the pills will soon kick in. Meanwhile some make up, a nice jeans and tops and tidy hair will do. Good Luck! Celebrate your dad and bro. They are super and you are also a

[BIWI]

@ Ledkr!

[MerryMarigold]

Phee, those plans sound amazing! Your family sound great and they are a lovely blessing in your life.

[Weebirdie]

What a lovely family you have Phee.

[Smooshface]

Those plans sounds fun, your brother does sound lovely :)