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Original poster

The female 'best friend'

192 replies

DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 16:58

Can I get your opinions on this please. I've started seeing a bloke recently. It's pretty casual but I like him. He seems to like me. I'm 35 and he's 36.

So he told me about his best friend, a female, and how they used to shag. He even got her pregnant at one point, but she lost the baby. They see each other all time, cosy pics on FB etc. She's a model (FFS!). She has a key to his apartment etc.

He also told me some story about how stupid her (fairly recent) ex was as he never realised the two of them were shagging even though it was obvious.

The whole thing has really thrown me. I don't know what to make of the 'best friend you used to shag' scenario. He said he hasn't shagged her for a while but he would say that wouldn't he? Don't know what to do now. Should I just knock it on the head? I feel like I'm going to get hurt by this..

Am I overreacting being bothered by this?

OP posts:
MrsSheRa · 08/06/2015 21:31

Have you seen The Matrix?

Theoldcauliflower · 08/06/2015 21:32

Get shot, he is still shagging her and he sounds like a twatHmm

AnyFucker · 08/06/2015 21:32

I haven't seen The Matrix

well, I tried but I fell asleep after half an hour because it was soooooo boring and incomprehensible

MrsSheRa · 08/06/2015 21:34

Years ago my friend was seeing someone who she couldn't arouse very well and he couldn't get an erection sometimes. He blamed her and was quite mean about it.

A few years later he was out and proud.

MrsSheRa · 08/06/2015 21:35

You fell asleep during the first one?? That's the best one

Gabilan · 08/06/2015 21:37

"You fell asleep during the first one?? That's the best one"

Are we still talking about The Matrix?

MrsSheRa · 08/06/2015 21:37

Haha yes sorry, bit of a derailment there.

MrsSheRa · 08/06/2015 21:39

...actually that probably does apply to sex with a new partner aswell, yes

Original poster
DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 21:41

I do agree with Ehric's post. I'm 35 with a rake of 'serious' relationships under my belt but I can honestly say I've only really been properly attracted to maybe 2 of them. They all start with me falling for the affection and closeness - often the first guy I meet who gives it to me after a break up, and then after a bit i seem to start to go off them and want out. so it's definitely about how they make me feel rather than who they are as a person. this isn't the first time I've overlooked qualities I don't find attractive and talked myself into the relationship, although nothing this extreme before.

how do I break this cycle? half the time I feel I'm in it before I know it

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 08/06/2015 21:43

Oh god the last guy I was with had erectile issues 'because his girlfriend cheated on him'
There's always a 'reason' with guys like that. It's obviously bollocks.

Gabilan · 08/06/2015 21:48

"There's always a 'reason' with guys like that"

And it's usually a woman's fault and never because they haven't gone to the doctors to get it fixed. When I asked my ex why he hadn't gone to a doctor, seeing as it was clearly something that bothered him, he was worried that they'd have to poke him around.

I'm afraid, after 12 months of sympathetically trying to help him with his ED, I used up the supply of sympathy. These days with that or anything like it I just think 'either go to the doctor and get it fixed, if it's bothering you, or STFU'.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 08/06/2015 21:58

Yep, always a woman's fault. That's what was bothering me about the excuse in the first place that I couldn't put my finger on. I knew it was crap but it's the blaming of the ex that is so gross.

Gabilan · 08/06/2015 22:02

"how do I break this cycle? half the time I feel I'm in it before I know it"

I think you need to work on your self esteem. If you valued yourself more, you'd realise that you can say no to the wankers. You'd also realise that you don't have to scrape around for every little bit of affection. You're worth more than that.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 08/06/2015 22:07

Exactly what AF said.

He can of course get it up with this "model" Hmm, nice way to set you up permanently on the back foot isn't it?

Seriously. Get rid. He's not your problem.

ED is one thing, but not in conjunction with twattish bravado.

Original poster
DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 22:14

he can get it up no problem - just can't come he says. but I get your point. I'd already started to feel shit that she could make him come.

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 08/06/2015 22:15

And how do you know she could make him come? Firstly - the fuck are you talking about his sex life with other women for? And secondly - bullshit.

Original poster
DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 22:17

I guess I don't know. he said he got her pregnant. I suppose I tend to take people at face value when i first meet them.

I don't know why he insists on telling me about his sex life. I've never had this before.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/06/2015 22:18

3 dates and you know so much detail about how he nobbed this model

AnyFucker · 08/06/2015 22:18

?

AnyFucker · 08/06/2015 22:18

your self esteem must be in the toilet if you sat and listened to this drivel in the name of a bit of "attention"

I mean this in the kindest way, but you need help

Joysmum · 08/06/2015 22:19

Firstly, WTF was he doing talking about all this shit within 3 dates!

Secondly, thank fuck he's a dim twat so you dissed him quickly before you got too invested.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/06/2015 22:19

If it smells like bullshit......

I refer to my earlier statement. He sounds like a twat.

Original poster
DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 22:20

oh and others! his ginormous bed is broken on one side from shagging a girl. apparently the women he meets are gagging to do stuff to him..

I know, I know

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/06/2015 22:21

have a read of this seminal piece on identifying losers

Original poster
DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 22:21

it must be AF :/

OP posts: