The female 'best friend'

[DubbyDubby]

Can I get your opinions on this please. I've started seeing a bloke recently. It's pretty casual but I like him. He seems to like me. I'm 35 and he's 36.

So he told me about his best friend, a female, and how they used to shag. He even got her pregnant at one point, but she lost the baby. They see each other all time, cosy pics on FB etc. She's a model (FFS!). She has a key to his apartment etc.

He also told me some story about how stupid her (fairly recent) ex was as he never realised the two of them were shagging even though it was obvious.

The whole thing has really thrown me. I don't know what to make of the 'best friend you used to shag' scenario. He said he hasn't shagged her for a while but he would say that wouldn't he? Don't know what to do now. Should I just knock it on the head? I feel like I'm going to get hurt by this..

Am I overreacting being bothered by this?

please don't walk away from this man over this

Fucking RUN!

I get that, I'm not disputing it. just feeling a bit stupid

I hope I'm not going to be one of those posters who come back I. a years time saying "I should have listened...."

Look, the way he makes you feel is fuck all to do with who he is as a person and all about how he makes you feel desired and cared for. It's your need you see mirrored back when he's sweet to you. He, in actual fact, is a prick who doesn't deserve your attention. But you are ignoring that in favour of cuddles and how nice that feels.
The 'it would take someone special for me to settle down' line is pure pick up artist shite. He's setting you up in competition with all the other less worthy women and would have you dancing to his tune to prove you're 'worthy' without considering whether he's worthy of you.

So you haven't had sex, despite going to bed?

Perhaps all this bollocks he's talking is because he doesn't actually have any of this experience?

You should still run though.

not properly had sex. we messed around a bit but I had my period and then he didn't seem to want it the last time I saw him.

he told me prefers cuddling etc to sex

So, why is he at such pains to tell you how much he's had?

The man is a mess.

Having read the rest of your thread, i think he is sending you a very clear message - Don't get to close, this is just sex! My bet is actually he hasn't even shagged his "best friend" he would have just liked to.

He's a wanker - leave him to his right hand

to be fair to him, and hope this doesn't count as drip feeding, but I went into this hoping I could have something casual as I'm just out of a relationship. I also told him early on I felt conflicted going on a date with him which he's mentioned a few times now. but now my emotions won't play ball with keeping it casual. could this just be rebound?

"he told me prefers cuddling etc to sex"

IME that's either a line to get you to have sex or they're gay.

It does sound that way - give yourself some time.

I can see and name about four big problems with this in the near future and I'm not even a bloody clairvoyant. Please get out now. You can get the sweetness and affection from someone who's not a deceitful bastard before you've even got off the starting blocks.

Omg, run for the hills.

He prefers cuddling to sex?!

Alarm bells this is a deceptive man.

He prefers cuddling to sex - except when it's this model? who he shags or has shagged (and is happy to shag) behind partners' backs, has photos of and who has a key to his place?

You don't need his brand of affection that badly.

My DH had a close female friend when we first met, they had slept together once although he only admitted this under intense questioning. But when I got to know her, she's lovely. I remember her saying how much she wanted us (me and her) to be friends one drunken night in the pub. They don't see each other so often now but we went to her wedding fairly recently.

However... if he'd been bragging about it I would have been off because it's disrespectful to new partner as well as friend with benefits.

The pregnancy thing is a bit odd too... Telling you that after three dates?

I would bet my house that this man has erectile dysfunction

yes. and I've been umming and aahing about posting this, but he said he struggles to orgasm during sex/blowjobs etc, and it wasn't helped because the the 'one time' he did he got this girl pregnant.

I asked him if his difficulty in having an orgasm bothers him and he said no because he generally prefers cuddling.

omg AF!!

BINGO !

I am now the proud owner of two houses

Look, love

Men like this do not have a mature response to a perfectly natural problem like ED

they go all out to make it the fault of the poor cow they are currently romancing

it would be only a matter of time before he was blaming it on you in lots of subtle and unsubtle ways

bullet dodged, I would say

AF you remind me of The Oracle on the matrix sometimes.

Also you frighten me.

eh ?

"it would be only a matter of time before he was blaming it on you in lots of subtle and unsubtle ways"

Been there. Actually with someone very different from the man the OP describes but still someone emotionally immature who wasn't going to go and see a doctor to discuss his ED. Eventually it became my fault despite the fact that it had been a problem for 10 years + and I had been seeing him for a few months. But you know, I wanted foreplay and that meant I was pressuring him to get a hard on. Or something.