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Original poster

The female 'best friend'

192 replies

DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 16:58

Can I get your opinions on this please. I've started seeing a bloke recently. It's pretty casual but I like him. He seems to like me. I'm 35 and he's 36.

So he told me about his best friend, a female, and how they used to shag. He even got her pregnant at one point, but she lost the baby. They see each other all time, cosy pics on FB etc. She's a model (FFS!). She has a key to his apartment etc.

He also told me some story about how stupid her (fairly recent) ex was as he never realised the two of them were shagging even though it was obvious.

The whole thing has really thrown me. I don't know what to make of the 'best friend you used to shag' scenario. He said he hasn't shagged her for a while but he would say that wouldn't he? Don't know what to do now. Should I just knock it on the head? I feel like I'm going to get hurt by this..

Am I overreacting being bothered by this?

OP posts:
Original poster
DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 17:31

urgh god knows. now you mention it, he did say he got a bigger bed so he could get more people in it.. and he also made some comment about having had some 3somes... he comes out with so much stuff though that I've just been brushing most of it aside as bollocks. I was hoping I could just have a bit of fun with him but I don't appear to be able to do casual.

OP posts:
Original poster
DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 17:32

pompodd - I've been blindsided by the affectionate side of him I think :/

OP posts:
GoatsDoRoam · 08/06/2015 17:32

This just sounds all kinds of dodgy.

Among other things, I think he's setting you up to be the "jealous girlfriend" who he can berate for not trusting him. I also think he likes the power trip of having a number of women around him who are all either in a relationship with him, or where there is the frisson of a potential relationship (past or future). They are also way too involved with each other if she has the keys to his flat.

I think it will fuck with your head, and that you're better off out of it.

pompodd · 08/06/2015 17:33

Dubby - the more you say, the more of an arsehole he sounds. You're well off out of it.

Twinklestein · 08/06/2015 17:33

Why would you want to spend time with someone who talks so much bollocks anyway?

Although the 3some stuff may well be true.

GoatsDoRoam · 08/06/2015 17:34

x-post with your post on his mention of threesomes.

Yeah, this guy really likes the idea of having several women after him at once, and is setting up just that very scenario, with you as the mug.

Don't play into it: walk away.

SylvaniansAtEase · 08/06/2015 17:34

No, no, no, no, no.

Bin this one.

I have to say, even leaving aside the nasty cheaty deceitful 'fake friend' scenario, why on earth would you be interested in what sounds like a silly boastful little idiot anyway? He sounds a complete knob.

Walk right away. His cheating won't be a problem because you will have died of boredom from all the fake I'm-so-cool stories before he even gets round to it.

pictish · 08/06/2015 17:37

Ugh he sounds like a giant walking penis on legs. Or more likely, a man who wants to be seen as a giant walking penis on legs...for some reason

Blerk!

Quietattheback · 08/06/2015 17:51

He's giving you fair warning that he shags this women regardless of either of their relationship statuses so that when he shags her, you have no recourse because he told you the score from the outset (from his point of view at least).

Depends how much you enjoy drama in your life as to wether you dump him or not. Personally, I'd be saying 'fuck that shit' and moving along.

TummyButtonFluff · 08/06/2015 17:52

Ew yuck. Bin and then get yourself checked for any nasty infections he's given you.

Original poster
DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 18:03

He talks like he is a complete stud, however in bed he seems to prefer cuddling, kissing and being affectionate.

OP posts:
workingtoohardmum · 08/06/2015 18:11

He's playing you ...so he can play her ......forget him ...don't walk away ...RUN ..... and of course he's sweet and lovely they always are .....very charming

cleanmyhouse · 08/06/2015 18:14

So yeah, like i'm such a stud, this model wants to shag me even when she has a boyfriend, and like so many women want to shag me at the same time, i had to get a bigger bed. Huh huh.

Is he beavis and butthead?

What a twat.

Meerka · 08/06/2015 18:15

Listen to pictish.

And listen to him
He also told me some story about how stupid her (fairly recent) ex was as he never realised the two of them were shagging

this is what you'll get if you stay with him. Only very young manboys boast like this, people who've not grown up or utter tosspots.

also have a look at this thread: definitive list of red flags. You've mentioned three bad ones already. The way he speaks about other people (his ex's bf) and all the sexual boasting, plus the mega deceit.

Original poster
DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 18:17

there have been moments I've felt like I'm in an episode of the inbetweeners...

I know what I have to do. To be honest I'm not great at looking past stuff like this once my radar is triggered, so can't see us continuing - certainly not in any meaningful way - which is what I would have liked.

OP posts:
CheersMedea · 08/06/2015 18:21

I'm astonished that you need to even ask! And I'm a man!

Listen to pompodd.

Imagine you read this on a message board. What would your reaction be?

TokenGinger · 08/06/2015 18:25

The guy I'm seeing now has a female good friend. They dated/slept with each other previously, didn't have a spark but got on well with each other and remain friends. He stays at hers when he goes to visit which is about a 45 min drive away (he's close to her kids). I'm not keen on the staying overnight but he has a drink when he sees her so I'd rather him not drive home, of course! or maybe not have a drink in the first place However, if he was coming out with any of this tripe your guy is, I'd be gone. I'd feel massively insecure! He sounds like a douche. Men and women can be good friends but there are limitations.

AnyFucker · 08/06/2015 18:27

I dunno about the FBF, but this bloke sounds like a complete tool

CateCadiz · 08/06/2015 18:29

Is his name Walter....Mitty?

TokenGinger · 08/06/2015 18:31

AnyFucker - you make me giggle GrinGrin

whatlifestylechoice · 08/06/2015 18:32

My best friend is a man, and married. We have not and never will have a sexual relationship. That would be all kinds of wrong.

This guy sounds like a gimp. I agree that you should dump him.

Original poster
DubbyDubby · 08/06/2015 18:33

how does one knock it on the head after only 3 dates, albeit ones where we were quite close? do I just disappear or do I have to send a cringey text?

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 08/06/2015 18:36

I'm a pussy so I tended to just be "unavailable" until they got the hint. Although there was one guy who moved halfway across the country from his daughter just because he fancied a change who I text afterwards saying I couldn't date him again as I didn't agree with his morals (said he couldn't afford a train ticket to see her but had a gym membership etc. and hadn't seen her in 5 months).

Purpleflamingos · 08/06/2015 18:37

I think you should get rid.
I had a male best friend with benefits. It was fun. Then DH came on the scene and I ended it immediately.

AnyFucker · 08/06/2015 18:37

Send him a text

"After your recent comments, I have concluded you are a tool. Goodbye."