The Oddest Thing Just Happened - My Husband Just Strangled Me

[Quootiepie]

We started to bicker over the smallest things (it started with me not washing something of DSs) and transfered onto my lack of doing the housework, which led me on to saying he wasnt perfect. He said "how" so I brought up abit about him telling his dad something personal about me, and he said dont talk about his dad (because he died a little while ago) and I said "whats the worst your going to do? Punch the wall again?" and he came over and put his hands round my neck and lifted me right off the chair...

I tried to call the police, but he kept grabbing the phone off me, but then he called them himself. They have just left. I dont really know what to think... or do to be honest...

Peachy

I don't think Q actually feels in danger at all. Definately good advice about the woman's aid thing though.

Yes waiting lists are long, unless you have a private referral. Q do you or your hubby have that as part of your employment package, counselling or health insurance which may be relevant?

hes just gone to the shops now (we waited in all afternoon for the SKY man who never showed) then is going. He isnt showing much remorse now and im getting abit No doubt he'll have a right holiday away with his friends living nearby (one across the road from his mum). Hes actually starting to piss me off

Quootiepie - you need to set him some kind of goal/parameter for when he gets back - "Come back when you have seen the GP/taken steps to go to anger management/agreed to counselling/feel you can take responsibility for your behaviour". Don't let him just come back without anything changing. He has got to see that going away is a route to change for the better, not a break from "stress".

Oh I know that, but Quootie did say he had temper episodes in the past- it's always worth having a plan, until he gets the help he needs. .

yep, will set him goals to do before he returns...

get him to write it down... i know i keep baning on about that but if he refuses then i'm afraid you've got a clear message about his commitment to resolving his behaviour, whereas if he does it then that's a really positive step and somethign useful to show the GP. and something tangible for you two to go through and talk about.

banging, not baning

i thought i knew my exp, he beat the hell out of me daily by the end. in the beggining i would never have even contemplated him touching me.

youknow your husband and yoru situation and if you don't feel its time to leave then that is your decision.

it does sound as though he hasn't fully dealt with his grief and this should be adressed. no, you can't sweep it under the carpet and the first thing you should do is contact either Womens aid or Relate and discuss any anger managment and grief councelling courses they run.

he needs to get help for whatever it was that caused him to react like that. and if you give him the benefit of the doubt this time you need to make sure that if he ever so much as shouts at you in a way that maikes you uneasy you leave straight away.

Can't add anything - no personal experience here - but wanted to send you all good wishes and hope it works out for you both.

hes gone now

Hi Sweetheart, just found this...

Can't offer any advise, don't have anything insightful to say, but just wanted to let you know am thinking of you...

I hope this can all be sorted out...

((hugs)) to you

xx

oh sweetheart... how ar eyou bearing up? is ds asleep?

Oh, QP, I have just seen this - how awful for you.
I agree that your husband needs the help of some anger management. He can find out about this through his gp.
Do contact womans aid for support for yourself.
Thinking of you.x

babe i'm sorry. You have done the right thing x I hope you'll be ok as poss

Ds asleep, im just not thinking about it. Hes text (well I text him) and said he hasnt told his mum, just that we had an arguement... ... just having a drink and not thinking about it

Quootie!

this SUCKS. just seen the thread and read thru and theres good advice. im totally with Aitch on the writing this down thing; helps clarify thoughts and is a good clear record of whats happened/been said/promised etc.

oh hun, i wish i could come over and just hang out with you. chew the fat. watch crap telly.

((((big hugs)))

Despite my flippant comment about sexual asphixiation..... on the serious bit of this the hard thing to know is where it will lead. I feel encouraged taht he called the police and showed remoorse. My ex husband didn't seem to see it as wrong (idiot)and htought it was nothing, something you could just forge about the next day. I remember one evening when he was slightly violent (and I do have to emphasis he never put me in hospital or anything bad like that) the next night we had a big dinner out together planned which I went to (more fool me may be but I wanted the status quo and marriage to continue I suppose)... and he seemed to think there was nothing amiss, that even though it was still slightly hurting it didn't matter or was my fault. And then you feel later you're in a way responsible because you tolerated it. Anyway one outburst from him is probably nothing particularly if he acknowledges he was wrong. I would say to my ex that no matter what I might have done assault is assault. it's a stand alone moral and legal wrong whatever the other person did (not that I ever think I ever did anything to justify it anyway).

hhhmmm, quootie, that doesn't sound too promising. have you spoken to your RL friends about this? what are they saying?

lol@ telling RL friends...

Ive had a whole bottle of wine now... but oddly at peace with the fact DH isnt here... its like we've split for good...

I would plan treats for the next few nights DVDs nice meals wine bubble baths etc so that you don't miss him too much and treat it like a mini holiday

might do... wine night tonight Holiday for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

so your spending time with him during the day?

i think if your going to fuck him off " to think about stuff"

you should proper fuck him off with muchio cross face and strict instructions to ring at 6pm to say goodnight to child. no coming round to house without prior phone call.

and i would want his bank card

i would struggle to shops and rather eat my own flange than ask him to "just run me somewhere" after being strangled.

such a thing as pride - get some. if living with his mum and seeing his mates is so fucking good that you see it as a competition then somethings wrong.

you must show him your cross over this elongated period - other wise theres not really much point - other than he gets toast and tea in bed and a good nights sleep.

custado he went shopping on his own dropped the sutff and has gone afaik. I thick quootie is doing realy well and will get this sorted. What you are saying is right, but I don't hink quotie is being dependant on him, I think she is doing abs the right thing and bding very strong considering the whole situaion.
Its all very well saying rn to shops on your own but wihtout a car and a baby it is difficult.

I had a think about it just a min ago, and im ... but, I honestly dont know how to react. Hes gone now to his mums... and wont be back until I say... and I dont know when that will be

I dont know what to say really Q

Its good that he knows what he has done to you, there is loads of help out there that he can get. Its getting it. There are so many things that can make people do these sorts of things. Even some GP drugs can make people mad and very angry, yet they dont know what they are doing b/c the drugs hide it all from their brains.

My XP1 done this loads of times to me as well has hit me about. He was not on GP drugs, nor did he have anything happening to make him moody etc. He did things to me just for the fun of it and to control me. I suppose the only thing that could have made him moody was the fact he was now a dad and had to do the dad things to make himself look good. He left me and the DSs not long after DS2 was born. I did not miss him one bit. He now blames my now xp2, for all sorts of things. And he tell people (ie S/Workers) that he never did anythink bad to me and that I am making all this up just to have a go at him.

Least your DH knows he has done wrong and is wanting to put things right. I hope that both of you get the help he and maybe you need too. Some times when you dont say things, that can make other angry b/c they dont know how you really feel and think of the worst to start with. Its not until they have had time to think do they know what is the right thing to do.

Not talking is the biggest breaker of families, your DH needs to talk about his dads death, you need to talk on how it makes you feel.

Thinking of you at this hard time you are having.

Best wishes to you (((((HUGS)))))