The Oddest Thing Just Happened - My Husband Just Strangled Me

[Quootiepie]

We started to bicker over the smallest things (it started with me not washing something of DSs) and transfered onto my lack of doing the housework, which led me on to saying he wasnt perfect. He said "how" so I brought up abit about him telling his dad something personal about me, and he said dont talk about his dad (because he died a little while ago) and I said "whats the worst your going to do? Punch the wall again?" and he came over and put his hands round my neck and lifted me right off the chair...

I tried to call the police, but he kept grabbing the phone off me, but then he called them himself. They have just left. I dont really know what to think... or do to be honest...

just got in fromwork and read this

hope youre ok, my ex lifted me off the ground by my throat when iwas pregnant, have to say i never got back with him

bloody hell QP

you've had excellent advice on this thread, no point in me saying the same thing again.

Thinking of you though.

Do you have anyone to stay with you? I think you're in shock and you'll be in floods later - if not, please please stay on here and we'll look after you!

without saying too much about myself: if the love is there, you can move on and be blissfully happy 3 years down the line after something like this. Talk about why it happened without the kids around, make it clear it must never happen again. It can all work out, and end up one of thoses rotten episodes you confine to history.

quootie, tried to msn you, guess you've gone shopping. Will eb aroudn this evening if you want to chat, I'm home alone 2n too.

If you want some company at all then you are welcome to come over or meet up for some coffee and cake, I know you don't drive but I can pick you if you like.

the number for the lcoal woman's aid is 0118 950-4003. I'm in touch with them at the moment, for support with what has been happening to me, and for advice in case my exh comes back on the scene. The local keyworker is really lovely, give her a ring. She can help you to access counselling services iof you want.

Sound slike you have some good advise here, and making some very sensible plans. Take care.

QP....

I hope you are okay? You might feel numb now, but it might suddenly surge up once he has left to go to his Mum's.

He must be in a pretty bad way to do that, judging by what you have said. Stress and grief and depression can make you do pretty bizarre things, or behave totally out of character. I remember getting really really angry once over god knows what because I was grieving and depressed too, I suppose. Totally lost it and became violent. The anger just bubbled up and I couldnt stop it overflowing, I couldnt stop until I felt I had done what I needed to do (?). I was mortified, and utterly remorsefull immediately after. I never have, and never since done the same thing again. We are going back 8 or 9 years now.

I think you have been very brave. I think you both must get on pretty well usually. He is definitely lucky to have you. He needs to see his GP before he comes back to you I think.

Quootiepie

You're living my life a few months back!!!!

When my our dd was born we were both tired and stressed. My dh always felt guilty about the fact that he didn't earn enough and that we sometimes struggled. One day he flipped after I said something spiteful to him when he was shouting. He picked me off the bed and chucked me on the floor, then held me against the wall-hands round my neck but not strangling me. I never told anyone and tried to let things get back to normal.

A few months ago my FIL died. Dh felt guilty as FIL had called to meet up and dh had ignored the call and never called back....also still stressed and guilty about not earning enough, tired with the baby etc etc. One day I had a go at him and he flipped. He's a big man whilst I'm quite petite. She shoved me and I went flying across the room. This happened twice more and I ended up legging it out of the house and running down to the train station to get away.

I believe that if I'd taken more action the 1st time round, we would never have had a reoccurence. The last time it happened I called the police and reported it as an incident and let my family know what had happened. I also left him for a few days-just to let him stew for a while about what he'd done. Out of shame and fear of the consequences I don't think he'll ever do it again. We're still happily married and he's agreed to go to anger management. Like your dh he also used to kick and throw things to release his anger.

Wait for things to settle down and then talk to him openly and honestly. If you try to ignore it and carry on without facing up to what's happened it will eat you both up inside...believe me I know!!!!! Big hugs and kisses to you all and I wish you all the best

QP so sorry to hear it. Don't let it go undealt with - what would have happened if DS had triggered something? He may well not have meant anything but he also didn't stop himself.

good advice on this thread (and some bizarro comments too).

Was just having a quick shower...

I didnt say anything bad against his dad, I said something about him telling his dad something personal about me when we first met... Hes rung the "Respect" place, but its closed, but im getting the councilling number now.

oh, by the way, thanks everyone for posting Its very very very much appreciated (sp?)

Hiya Quootiepie - I just wanted to let you know that I was in exactly the same situation as you about 2 years ago. DP lost his dad in an accident and he took it very very hard as thewy had fallen out at the time over our dd and weren't speaking. We had little argumenbts that would escalate into blazing rows over housework usually. One day he pushed me into the fence by strangling me. I called the police and they spoke to him outside the house and me inside. They asked me if dd saw/heard anythig and asked me if I wanted them to contact my HV or SS but I said no as I knew it wasn't him. I knew it wouldn't happen again.
Everyone told me to pack my bags, get me and dd out of there but I knew there was more to him and that it was so out of character. I told him he had to talk to someone and he went to the GP who arranged for him to talk to the practice councellor. Her went for about 6 weeks and it changed everything. He learnt how to deal with his grief and anger and channel it and also to diffuse situations before they blow up into a huge row (something I need to learn!!) 2 years on we are doing fine, the kids love him to bits, I love him to bits and I'm soooo glad that I didn't walk away because people automatically assumed he was a violent nutter!

I really hope it works out for you all

thanks for that I think ill pack him to GP aswell...

zephyrcat

It's true!!! Everyone straight away gets an image in their head of this drunken wife-beater but it's just ot like that!!!

Generally people's knee-jerk reaction is to say leave him for good which is wrong. I'm glad I stayed

I agree with below, my Dh never did this (thankfully) but he DID go for a long time badly depressed and everyone said to get out, 'm glad I didn't BUT I had to lay it on the line and force an ultimatum.

These things can (sometimes) be saved, the trick is to know how, and also importantly when to give up

hes gone to bed now - the "stress" of today has got to him.

i don;t think anyone has said get out, other than people who felt she was in immediate danger after reading the OP. everyone's been pretty calm and understanding, imo.
thing is, whatsthestoryinbalamory, you said thsi happened a few months back and that he has agreed to go to anger couselling? why the delay? is there a long waiting list? (cos if there is, quootie, you might have to investigate other services too as you wouldn't want him to slide out of it...)

You've had a lot of really good advice, links and helpful comments here, so I'm not sure that I can add anything useful.

I would say though, your child should not be witnessing such violence, nor be in danger of experiencing it directly - and by being there while its happening to you, that is always a possibility.

My honest opinion is that you should leave immediately. But you're clearly in shock and that's a hard thing to do, so take care of yourself and please do seek the help you can get in real terms from the GP or a women's shelter etc, where you can.

I think the first wave of remorse has already gone...not sure how effective sending him to his mums for a few nights is... he'll get a full nights sleep, waited on hand and foot - such punishment

Q it will give him time to think about what happened and time to see what help he should get.
It will look like you totally forgive him and that you have backed down if he doesn't have to go for a few days.

i'd agree with you there... what about phoning a mutual friend who you know would support you and asking if he can kip over?

you definitely need some time apart, though, and i don't see why it should be you who uproots yourself and your son. i'm at him that he's getting over it so quickly. he did something really serious, quootie, and if he's not getting that then i'd be most concerned.

Q hope you are ok. Has he gone to his mum's?

Take care xx

I agree, if he cannot grasp the full scale then there are deeper issues.

it's going to take a while to get your head around this anyway- waiting lists for NHS counsellors can easily be 6 months long, depending on where yu are in the country.

I would still, personally, suggest talking to womans aid- get some info about help for him and some honest aedvice about what to do if it happens again. And keep a mobile phone on you- then you can lock yourself in the bathroom to call for help and he can't stop you.

hi quootie...are you around honey?