The Oddest Thing Just Happened - My Husband Just Strangled Me

[Quootiepie]

We started to bicker over the smallest things (it started with me not washing something of DSs) and transfered onto my lack of doing the housework, which led me on to saying he wasnt perfect. He said "how" so I brought up abit about him telling his dad something personal about me, and he said dont talk about his dad (because he died a little while ago) and I said "whats the worst your going to do? Punch the wall again?" and he came over and put his hands round my neck and lifted me right off the chair...

I tried to call the police, but he kept grabbing the phone off me, but then he called them himself. They have just left. I dont really know what to think... or do to be honest...

i think some breathing space is needed ,,for both of you.....xx bless you quootie...wish i could come and give you a hug....

CRUSE bereavement website

Oh no Q.How scary for you.
I don't think you can be sure he won't do it again.If he punches walls etc then he needs help to deal with anger.

Quootie, at the very least he needs some help re. anger management. You say he has punched the wall before - that is aggressive violent behaviour, the sign of a man who can't control his temper.

I know you don't think that it will happen again but do you honestly want to take the risk?

He needs some help - he must see that surely. I'm glad the police got involved - it will highlight to him how serious this is.

(((((((hugs))))))))) you need em.

Message withdrawn

might get him to councilling, & both of us about the past aswell.

Quootie, I advised getting out of the house because I thought the situation was still ongoing. Clearly things are 'over' now but please don't brush it under the carpet, for both your sakes. Even if you feel this a one-off, it has to be addressed, so you can get to a 'best case' scenario and actually put it behind you.

so he didnt witness it, but must've seen the police.

tbh i would get away for a night or 2, or do as you said and send him away for a few nights. just for breathing space and about where to go next.

oh Quootie!!!!!

Oh goodness..are you ok???

Do you think this is something to do with the grieving process??? (not excusing it)

Oh I hope you two can sort this out

get out with your DS for a first thing and give the two of you some space.

also sounds to me like he has issues over his dad's death, and tbh sounds like he needs councilling.

I know it's easy to say he won't do this again, but please be prepared just in case. (not justifying him here or defending him I just feel there's a fine line he's crossed it and he needs tyo deal with his dad's death b4 things can hopefully improve)

would also put TTC plans on hold for a minute.

I don't know about there, but here (in Wales) the police have to notify social services if they are called to an incident with a child in the house

think on that

i think that is a good idea. i don't think that if someone reacts violently once then that makes them a cut-and-dried lifelong domestic abuser, but what you say about the wall punching and him preventing you from getting to the phone (which makes it sound like mor of a struggle than your calm demeanour in the OP suggests) is really worrying.

if it was me i'd get him to go away for a few days, write down everything he thinks that led up to the incident (and not just in the few minutes before) and get him to come back once he's sorted himself out a place on a grief counselling and anger management course.

if you say he's not a bad lot then i believe you quootie, but that means that he'll be the type to go along with this plan as he'll have terrified himself. if not, then you might be in a bit more trouble...

Oh Quootie - so sorry.

Lots of good advice on here from others. Sounds like breathing space is definitely needed.

i think sending him away is a good idea, i should say, this thread is moving fast.

Quootiepie
That is a really good idea (so long as she can give you both some space ) You need some time to think about this on your own. You probably feel numb because it is too much to take in. Look after yourself and tell him he must get some help.
His anger is not just going to disappear

im ok... just feel abit numb.

DS is 7 months, he smiled at the police

Ill definatly get him to go to his mums for a few days... and get councilling. I dont know if any other "action" will be taken re: SS or HV ... I guess they will contact us?

Blimey, what a shock. Sounds like there is some serious frustration there. Counselling would be v good idea, plus I think you need to stress to him how out of order his actions were. A night at his mum's might be a very good in order. You have to talk about this though, don't just blank it.

That sounds like a plan Quootie.

SS would probably just write to you to say they've had a report, if anything further ahppens action will be taken, and how to get in contact with WA.

Really sorry this has happened to you, but good on you for sorting it early.

Just sorting out now about him going to his mums... ive never been home alone at night etc. , or for more than 20 hours

You're never alone when you've got MN, Quootie

oh quootie

glad he is going away for a few days, you both need some space.

don't worry about tonight, we're all here to talk to

hes staying for the afternoon so we can go shopping for the next few days (I dont drive yet), get bits and bobs sorted then hes going this evening until im ready for him to come back. Ill be on MN alot I think this evening At least me and DS will have the bed to ourselves

quootie..you will be ok, sweetheart.....you are stronger than you think.....xxxx

The exact same thing happened to my sister after her dh funeral, he lost it and tried to strangle her in front of the kids, totally out of character for him, the eldest kid grabbed the 2 youngest ones and ran for help, he was very sorry, this was 2 years ago, he has done nothing remotely violent since or before, and they have a happy marriage.