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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Oddest Thing Just Happened - My Husband Just Strangled Me

423 replies

Quootiepie · 13/11/2006 12:09

We started to bicker over the smallest things (it started with me not washing something of DSs) and transfered onto my lack of doing the housework, which led me on to saying he wasnt perfect. He said "how" so I brought up abit about him telling his dad something personal about me, and he said dont talk about his dad (because he died a little while ago) and I said "whats the worst your going to do? Punch the wall again?" and he came over and put his hands round my neck and lifted me right off the chair...

I tried to call the police, but he kept grabbing the phone off me, but then he called them himself. They have just left. I dont really know what to think... or do to be honest...

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 13/11/2006 23:30

now you have to tell me why you're laughing at the idea of telling RL friends...?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 13/11/2006 23:32

RL friends... are all at Uni and I guess are quite immature now ive gotten older and wiser... I guess we've grown apart.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowersIs1Baby1Bump · 13/11/2006 23:49

omg quootie. ive only just come on so nothing i say/suggest will be different i guess.
i think its a bit spineless if he doesnt tell his mother what he did? maybe then she wouldnt be so nice to him during his stay.
what a difficult situation for you.
i love dh soooo much that it would take me a very long time to decide what to do.
but what if your ds ever says the wrong thing?

AitchTwoOh · 13/11/2006 23:49

oh that's not so good... you definitely don't want to be feeling isolated at a time like this... isn't anyone you could ring and chat to? or what about your mum?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 00:12

god no, not my mum!!! Ill just sit and stare at the walls for 3 or 4 days

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 00:13

think this has backfired on me

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 00:25

tell me what you mean by that...

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 00:28

ive ended up sitting here mega lonely trying to ring him... hes not answering because hes tucked up in bed, fast asleep without a DS to worry about... how pants do I feel...

OP posts:
arfishymeau · 14/11/2006 00:35

Quootie - why not tell him to tell his mum why he's there? Or even tell her yourself? His mum not knowing is why it's so easy for him.

How are you feeling?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 00:36

feel like shit. I have rung him, but he keeps hanging up... how fucking desperate and pathetic can you get

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 00:42

you're bound to be lonely, it's not a normal situation. you can't really say 'this has backfired on me', can you? he did strangle you, you've not sent him away on a whim... you needed to take a break from each other.
that doesn't mean that you won't miss him or want to speak to him, but it might be better to seek solace elsewhere for the moment, while he decides what his next move is.
i think you should maybe tell his mother tomorrow, if he hasn't done. and you didn't really tell me why you can't talk to your mum. (not that you need to).
listen, though, you know how you said you'd kind of grown apart from your friends? did he have anything to do with that? what does he think of your pals?

AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 00:42

oh dear, just read that about him hanging up. that's shit of him.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 00:45

he likes them...

they are more typical 20 year olds... you know? im all grown up now

my mum isnt overly supportive, she just likes me to keep up appearances

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 00:46

he picked up eventually, asked why he hung up, he said he thought i wanted distance. Its like a teenage tiff or something... I feel crap for giving in and ringing him

OP posts:
spacemanspiff · 14/11/2006 00:47

sorry to hear this Q. i can't believe the police said 'there is no point arresting him.' because he rang them.

he throttled you ---hello!- assault is assault.

what next? people get let off with murder because they turn themselves in?

i don't know your dh but reading mostly just your posts just now and not much of other posters, i sounds like a bit of a mind game he is playing here.

HE is the one who should be feeling shit right not. not you! GO TO BED. cry your eyes out, howl, if you want to but don't ring him.

this little game sounds like the grown up version of what schoolboys do. behave badly then when brought to book, want to say: i am really sorry miss, please, if i do all my work will you give me a second chance? then when you say, no, no second chances, they get vile all over again.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 00:49

I think I maybe didnt explain the "attack" fully to them... might have said he grabbed me round the neck, when really he strangled me and stopped me from breathing for a few seconds... and I get all polite, and smiley around people and go "oh, its ok, thank you" etc etc.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 00:50

ach. who cares? it's your life, you wanted to phone him and here his voice and you did it and you heard it (and he said somethign twatty). don't waste tiem feeling crap about the fact that you called him, you're not a teenager any more either so you don't have to bother about caving in or anything like that. you wanted to call and you did. the end.

now, onto your pals... have you not met anyone at the whole hellish mummy and baby class thing?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 00:52

lol, no.... im too chicken! They are all scary... especially reading horror stories on here!

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 00:52

i mean ach who cares about the phoning, by the way.

i'm wondering if it might be a good idea to give the cops a phone tomorrow and explain in more detail what he did. quootie if he stopped from breathing properly that's deadly serious... i don't really think you'd explained that to us properly.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 00:54

oh, sorry...

well, he kinda... put one hand round my throat, the other around the back of my neck and i got pulled upwards and couldnt breath... lasted about.... 5-10 seconds? Tried to grab phone, he grabbed it away... tried to get to comp to email someone to phone 999... he grabbed my arms... then he rung 999 himself.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 00:55

i've met some really, really nice people at them. you basically just wander in, behave in a ruthlessly, almost mindlessly friendly manner, and ask if anyone is gonig for a coffee and would they mind you tagging along as you don't know that many other mums.
turn up and repeat for the next four weeks then decide who you can't stand and cull them from your life, while maintaining good relations with those you do. nothing to be chicken about.

are you sore, by the way? is your neck bruising? if so, as grim as this is, it might be worth taking a picture...

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 00:56

neck sore, no bruising... feel like theres still a hand over my throat type feeling...

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 00:56

christ, don't apologise... do you think that phoning to ask the police what they have on their notes and supplementing with more detail might be a good idea?

AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 00:57

we are totally x-posting here!

AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 00:57

that's upsetting about your neck...