Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Oddest Thing Just Happened - My Husband Just Strangled Me

423 replies

Quootiepie · 13/11/2006 12:09

We started to bicker over the smallest things (it started with me not washing something of DSs) and transfered onto my lack of doing the housework, which led me on to saying he wasnt perfect. He said "how" so I brought up abit about him telling his dad something personal about me, and he said dont talk about his dad (because he died a little while ago) and I said "whats the worst your going to do? Punch the wall again?" and he came over and put his hands round my neck and lifted me right off the chair...

I tried to call the police, but he kept grabbing the phone off me, but then he called them himself. They have just left. I dont really know what to think... or do to be honest...

OP posts:
theUrbanDryad · 14/11/2006 15:43

he's coming back!!

no way!! thought you had set down clear guidelines for when he could come back, and that it would be at your convenience not his!!!! he can't just waltz back because he feels like it!

be strong! girl power!!!!!!

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 15:44

hes not the sort to barge his way in... ill ask when he gets here...

OP posts:
Mell2 · 14/11/2006 15:45

Only you know how you feel about him Quootie but i'm worried you want him back because you don't like being alone

StrawberryMoon · 14/11/2006 15:48

sorry no advice, but i just hope your ok and you get sorted out either together or alone.he does need help, but he has to accept that if he wants you.

sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 15:50

QP
and I bet that three days ago you wouldn't have said he was the sort to strangle you either.

I'm sorry but it's a very fine line that he has crossed- I know that he has punched the wall in the past, but now he has crossed the line once, there is a strong chance he will do it again - especially if there are no lasting repercussions or consequences to his actions this time.

IMHO you should call him and tell him you are not ready to see him yet....by all means discuss it on the phone but don't give in.

What are you going to do if he DOES try and barge his way in? COme on, think this through before you agree to it.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 15:55

id call the police I guess...

OP posts:
theUrbanDryad · 14/11/2006 15:57

well make sure you have your mobile in your pocket.

if i recall, you tried to call the police last time too

i'm not getting at you...i'm scared for you.

and i don't even know you!!! xxx

danceswithmonkeys · 14/11/2006 15:58

Hi Quootie

Just popped in to see how you were doing. What time did you roll out of the bar last night .

Seriously though Q listen to SarahinPh, she sounds like a wise woman to me. I really don't think he should be just coming and going as he pleases now. You talk about 'punishment' well if he's having a lovely time at his mum's and then just coming back to you when it pleases him, doesn't sound much of a punishment. Sorry, I didn't come in to lecture just to send more (((hugs)))

danceswithmonkeys · 14/11/2006 15:59

Could you say to him you don't want to see him without someone else being there (NOT HIS MUM)...

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 16:01

well - I trust him.... he was provoced almost when he did what he did, im sure he'll be OK just coming here and chatting...

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 16:01

well - I trust him.... he was provoced almost when he did what he did, im sure he'll be OK just coming here and chatting...

OP posts:
theUrbanDryad · 14/11/2006 16:06

well, you know your own mind and husband best i'm sure....

but i would personally be worried about what i would "provoke" him to next time.

if he hasn't done anything towards getting anger managment or counselling you're going to tell him to funk off, right?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 16:08

lol, well....he hasn't....

OP posts:
theUrbanDryad · 14/11/2006 16:19

hasn't done anything towards getting counselling?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 16:22

No..... Hes been "thinking" all day

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 14/11/2006 16:22

QP, please listen, you would never have thought that he would have tried to strangle you did you? If he feels that his marriage is at stake, his reputation etc, do you really know what he would do?

This isn't a man who was overcome by the red mist, he deliberately knocked the telephone out of your hand so you couldn't call the police whilst he was strangling you, that shows that he was thinking and not acting out of pure anger.

He has not shown you the remorse he should have done, he has not been punished, he is coming back into the house, so basically he's got away with it hasn't he? He'll persuade you that he'll never do it again and you won't make that statement.

Now he may not do it again, but there are a few warning signs here that indicate that you really shouldn't trust him. One, that he is capable of a thing like this on a tiny provocation (it's not as if he'd found out you were having an affair or anything is it?), what happens next time you provoke him? Two, that he was thinking about his actions whilst he was attacking you. Three, that he has shown little remorse.

Based on this I wouldn't take him back. Not until I had made a statement and shown him that I don't take this lightly. And then he would only be allowed back in once he had agreed to go to anger management courses.

sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 16:26

QP please listen to Rhubarb - she is talking lots of sense.

I'm scared for you and I don't even know you.

I'm worried that you seem to be making light of it a little more now that he is coming back - and you seem to be relieved and I'm scared because it strikes me (and forgive me if I'm wrong) that this is because you are worried about being alone.

sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 16:27

how do you feel about the fact that he has been thinking all day and not being proactive in getting help? are you satisfied that this is good enough for you and your DS?

I'm not trying to have a go here, I'm trying to help you think things through

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 16:29

he says I didnt say he should be getting anger management while at his mums, and that im abusing him by asking him to go... this is getting ridiculous

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 16:30

"what your doing is a form of abuse" is the conclusion he has drawn from reading a website yesterday

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 16:30

emotional abuse...

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 14/11/2006 16:33

Really? And physical abuse doesn't count does it?

Make that statement QP and have him charged. I don't think he is the man you thought he was. I'm so sorry!

ludaloo · 14/11/2006 16:33

good luck with the chat Quootie...thinking of you xx

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 16:34

nor do I.... apparantly its none of my business what hes been doing at his mums, and he doesnt love me anymore...

OP posts:
sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 16:35

QP you need to get him out of there ASAP. If he won't leave on his own, call the police again.

I'm sorry but I'm seeing red here - I don't think his actions of the other day will change anything. He is in denial, seems that he doesn't see he has done anythign wrong - he is turning it all on to you

get him out - fast. Please please please