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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Oddest Thing Just Happened - My Husband Just Strangled Me

423 replies

Quootiepie · 13/11/2006 12:09

We started to bicker over the smallest things (it started with me not washing something of DSs) and transfered onto my lack of doing the housework, which led me on to saying he wasnt perfect. He said "how" so I brought up abit about him telling his dad something personal about me, and he said dont talk about his dad (because he died a little while ago) and I said "whats the worst your going to do? Punch the wall again?" and he came over and put his hands round my neck and lifted me right off the chair...

I tried to call the police, but he kept grabbing the phone off me, but then he called them himself. They have just left. I dont really know what to think... or do to be honest...

OP posts:
RanToTheHills · 14/11/2006 14:29

God, QP - when I first saw the title I thought it was a piss-take but i'm
Get on to the police again and get them to help you.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 14:38

I did it - I called the main number. Someone relevant will call me back

OP posts:
sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 14:49

hurray!
good for you QP - that's the first step

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 14:55

They didnt give a time frame though...

OP posts:
theUrbanDryad · 14/11/2006 14:57

you could be waiting by the phone for a while now mate. get comfy. the police round my area are appalling (worst in the country apparently!)

good to see you're being pro-active though! go girl!

can't believe i said "girl-power"

sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 14:58

so if they haven't called you in an hour, call them back and say that you REALLY want to talk to someone TODAY

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 14:58

hahahaha

V Girl power!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 14:59

an hour? she implied... a day or so rather than an hour...

OP posts:
Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 15:04

DH just text - I shouldn't have replied, should I?

OP posts:
sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 15:08

NO NO NO
let him stew.

theUrbanDryad · 14/11/2006 15:10

no, but it doesn't matter that you did...

what was he txting you about?

a day is unacceptable for someone to call you back - i would give them an hour and then call them back and then call them back every hour, on the hour until you get to talk to someone.

just my opinion though...

sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 15:13

I agree with UrbanDryad about calling them back until you get what you want...definitely a good idea. In a situation of domestic violence like this a day to call back is totally unacceptable.

Of course it's OK if you did text him back - you need to do what you feel right with at the moment.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 15:14

asked how me and DS were.

OP posts:
theUrbanDryad · 14/11/2006 15:16

at least he is taking an interest...

personally (and this is just me, and i am a hard-nosed dryad!!) i would have told him about ds but not about me. it's not his concern at the moment.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 15:24

he says hes coming back - what do I do? Send him away again?

OP posts:
sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 15:27

Tell him he can't come back until you are ready for it and that you need more time. If you feel that you are ready for it, then of course it is up to you - but do you really think things have changed?

FWIW in my situation that I talked about before, we had several incidents where something happened and I asked him to go - and he always came back after 1 or 2 days, only for it to happen again..and again. That is why I eventually woudln't let him come back for many months.

lulumama · 14/11/2006 15:27

i would say he can come home....IF he is prepared to admit there is a deeper issue that needs dealing iwht it and he promises to get help immedaitely....

i don;t know actually...what is your gut feeling?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 15:30

I guess we will have a chat and see... I want him back because I hate being alone, but I want him to have some "punishment" aswell... and not do as he chooses all the time. Ill wait and see what he has to say for himself.

OP posts:
NappiesGalore · 14/11/2006 15:30

trust your gut girl.

but if it was me, id so no way, jose! get back to your mothers and ponder your deeds. and call me whn youve signed for and been to at least one of the help classes/groups or whatever.

you ARE strong. believe in yourself goddamit!

sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 15:32

lulumama in some ways I do agree with you

however, having gone through similar I would suggest that QP insists that he finds himself help (and starts going for AM or counselling or whatever) BEFORE he comes back...then he can prove that he is willing to change.

otherwise once he has his feet 'back under the table' it is all too easy to revert to the old ways...he can conveniently 'forget' about his promises. Once he is back it will be more difficult to ask him to leave again.

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 15:33

I wonder if he's even rung any places about anger management etc... £100 says he spent the day taking his mum shopping (I dont drive, but im 20....shes 48!) and out and about and been for a meal. lol

OP posts:
LIZS · 14/11/2006 15:33

Think you should talk to the police again before allowing him to come back. If you need to talk do it on neutral ground for now. What constructive action has he taken so far ?

Original poster
Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 15:34

dont know what hes done so far... if hes done nothing, hes getting back in the car and pissing off back to his mums!

OP posts:
NappiesGalore · 14/11/2006 15:36
Grin
sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 15:36

find out before he comes. if he comes and he wants to get into the house - how can you stop him? Speak to the police first and ask them what you can do if he tries to come back and you aren't ready for him to come back.

Find out exaclty what he has done before you let him come back. Has he phoned anyone to arrange anything>? or is he living the life of riley?

You need to keep yourself safe. xx