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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

The Oddest Thing Just Happened - My Husband Just Strangled Me

423 replies

Quootiepie · 13/11/2006 12:09

We started to bicker over the smallest things (it started with me not washing something of DSs) and transfered onto my lack of doing the housework, which led me on to saying he wasnt perfect. He said "how" so I brought up abit about him telling his dad something personal about me, and he said dont talk about his dad (because he died a little while ago) and I said "whats the worst your going to do? Punch the wall again?" and he came over and put his hands round my neck and lifted me right off the chair...

I tried to call the police, but he kept grabbing the phone off me, but then he called them himself. They have just left. I dont really know what to think... or do to be honest...

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 14/11/2006 12:34

Oh dear oh dear oh dear

I wish I could say something more than that but I can't! Perhaps he is wondering himself why he doesn't feel as remorseful as he should? I think if you'd given a statement, had him arrested etc he'd be a lot more remorseful right now! Easier said than done though huh?

I don't know what you should do hon, you know him better than any of us, you know deep down whether he loves you or not. Reading your posts I think you do love him. But loving someone doesn't mean you have to put up with this, and if it's only one-way love then there really isn't much point is there? All your love that you have to give would be much better focused on someone who deserves it and can give you love back, not some pillock who is essentially still a child in his head.

I'll buy you that drink on Sat ok?

sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 12:34

QP why don't you ask them to come round and see you again and say you want to make a proper statement...tell them you coudln't think straight last night, but now you want to tell them more so that it can go on the record...I don't think you necessarily would need to have him charged with anything...?

drosophila · 14/11/2006 12:34

My Dad did this to my Mum in front of us and I will never forget it. He never did it again to the day he died and I do believe he loved her but they had the worst marriage and went for months not speaking to each other.

He may never do it again but the fact he did it once at the very least tells you something about how he feels about you and the relationship. On the other hand he could evolve into someone who does this again getting progressively more dangerous.

Original poster

Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 12:37

Police are calling, so will ask them if the notes taken were a statement, or ask them if I can make one.

Rhubarb - Guinness, yeah?

OP posts:

Original poster

Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 12:39

Im swinging between bawling my eyes out and dancing around abit at the moment... Dancing mood now... just about to give DS lunch (in highchair Aitch!) and give the bathroom a good clean so I can have a nice bubble bath tonight - DH bought me flowers yesterday, so they can go in there. Ill try and stay on this high for now!

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 14/11/2006 12:41

I would make a statement and keep it on file and let him know that you are doing this. You could give him conditions too, like you'll only consider a relationship with him if he attends anger management courses. The police should be able to give you details of these. Contact the Victim Support people too, they might have a few more good ideas for you.

Guinness it is!

Original poster

Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 12:52

ill leave his bits in his hands... because I dont think he wants to get back together. If he does, great, but its different if ive handed him everything on a plate. I gave him website/numbers yesterday... so he should be able to sort it at his mums.

OP posts:

LIZS · 14/11/2006 12:56

Do you know he has told his mum the truth ? tbh he sounds in denial. Agree with Rhubarb that he might have thought more about it had he been arrested.

Original poster

Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 12:58

he did tell his mum and he said his mum was "shocked"... no email to see if im ok though or anything, heartless old bag. They are such a warped family, its probably forgotten about over there now.

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 13:22

hhhmmmmmmm. well, you're best just to keep away from them for the moment and see what his next move is.

Original poster

Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 13:25

his work rung, his mobile is switched off apparently... why do I have the shittyest life.

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 13:27

you'll get through this bit, and then it won't be the shittiest any more...

Original poster

Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 13:28

lol

OP posts:

theUrbanDryad · 14/11/2006 13:46

hi QP - have just been following this thread and lurking as didn't really know what to say. however, i have been in abusive (not physically, thank god) relationships and just wanted you to know i was thinking of you.

have the police phoned yet? or were you going to phone them? definitely think you have been given good advice here.

Original poster

Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 13:52

they are supposed to be phoning...

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 14/11/2006 13:54

go on quootie, phone them... stop waiting for your life to happen around you... take some action.

MusicLover · 14/11/2006 13:55

oh Quootie

its taken me about an hour to read this thread! I knew something was wrong when I read over the thread from the "bar" last night, but was too engrosed in the "BJ" thread sorry!

Only found this thread by accident this morning, but felt the need to post myself.

Looks like you have had lots of MN support-which is great
TBH I dont know anyone that well on here(like some of you do) but imagining your situation is relativly easy due to being in similar circumstances myself.
Its not easy to forgive & forget but it can be resolved, & by the sounds of what your saying, you dont want it to be over, & neither will your DH. Its just a macho thing "on their behalf" to act like "they are not bothered".
But Im a stubbon bitch & probably wouldnt have contacted him first(but thats ME),Im not sayin your wrong in doing so, but your just adding torture to yourself.
I shamed my DH when he hit me (fuelled with alcohol) I went to his Mum/Dads house, told the rest of his family too. he already felt remorse but them knowing & giving him their opinion on the situation made him realise more. We have been together 7yrs-married 5, it happened few months after marriage & has never happened again.
We got through it at the time by talking about it, I wrote all my feelings down in letter(to avoid another agument & prevent being able to get my feelings across without distraction)& we never talk about it, nor do I throw it in his face in future rows.

Im optomistic that things will get resolved with you & DH-how & when I dont know, but hopefully soon.
Be strong/keep sane, & listen to alot of good advice from your fellow Mners.

By the way to let you all know....Im NO mug, nor a doormat either. But felt my marriage was worth fighting for, rather than just giving up & ive never looked back. We are a very happy/loving functional family.

Original poster

Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 13:55

i dont know what department or anything....

OP posts:

tribpot · 14/11/2006 14:08

Have you got a crime number?

Original poster

Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 14:11

no....

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/11/2006 14:13

QP - you are whipping yourself up into a frenzy! Its been what - 12 hours? I really dont think thats any length of time to worry about him having not seen DS.

I have to say I am rather shocked by the police. AFAIK, they have set procedures to go through with any DV call they go to, and there are certain forms and bits and pieces they have to give you, and people they put you in contact with. (Which is why alot of pc's dont like DV calls because of the paperwork involved.....)

You need to stop thinking about him and what he is doing and thinking and planning, and start thinking about what you are doing.

Original poster

Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 14:15

i didnt get any forms or numbers...

I know im getting myself all worked up Im not a very strong person.

OP posts:

tribpot · 14/11/2006 14:16

I thought you probably wouldn't as it hasn't been reported yet. You should be able to get the number for your local office here if you want to give them a ring.

Original poster

Quootiepie · 14/11/2006 14:19

well, I better ring them then if the buggers havent even reported it. Bet they didnt to save paperwork

OP posts:

sarahinphuket · 14/11/2006 14:24

QP go on call them now...we're all here to back you up

you CAN do it - and once you have done it you will probably feel better

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