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Weird online dating men arrrgh!

379 replies

Zermbo · 02/06/2015 22:09

I am so done with online dating. Been exchanging messages with a guy for a few days, all going well, seems nice enough. We make a date for this weekend then he drops the bombshell that he wants me to record myself masturbating in public on my phone for him to watch before we meet wtaf???
Is there no nice, normal single men out there?

OP posts:
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7
MadeMan · 11/06/2015 22:03

@Louboutin He looks a bit like Mr Don, or is it Mr George? One on the right anyway.

Weird online dating men arrrgh!
Lovingfreedom · 12/06/2015 16:52

I think that might be a wind-up by that guy's mates. In fairness he's going to be lucky to get a date let alone £100 per hour for it. Nah...

pugalicios · 14/06/2015 13:03

This man is a catch isnt he look at his list of requirements!

1- Large gums/teeth, scares me.... honestly, you should either be swimming in the aquarium or be at the dentists
2- BBW, I think this stands for Big Bad Women (lol) I want the contents of my fridge to still be there when I get home from work!
3- Can't drive- LEARN HOW TO I'm not a taxi service at your convenience
4- Facebook addict- social media attention validation, NO THANKS!
5- Crappy photos- you would not believe what I have seen on here, sometimes I get nightmares....what has been seen cannot be unseen
6- live 100 miles away- what happens when it gets serious, you going to move to Leicester:)
7- Children- missed the boat now, not getting tied down at 45, not that type of bloke
8- A taste for Fine Dining- really don't get this, would rather give my money to starving children
9- Soap watchers- I will avoid you like the plague
10- Painted Paulines- what? those women that cannot leave the house without make up, huge turn off
11- Large feet!! makes me nauseous
12- If you have put ' I like shopping' on your profile, really? You spent all that time in creative writing class at school and that's all you can come up with?
13- Short hair, no it doesn't suit you, you wanna be a lesbian now?
14- No hips- I like a slim waist with round hips, big bum, gets me every time.
15- Too beautiful- what? I want a woman that I find beautiful but not everyone finds beautiful
16- Mobile Phone addict- can't stand these people who cannot live without a phone, turned mine off 3 years ago and never turned it on again
17- Frigid Felicities- self explanatory, we're all dead soon, use it before it dries up lol

Not the usual profile eh.... I'm not your average male, likewise I am not looking for an average female.
Not likely to find her on here but who knows?

One more thing, I want to join the 'Cemetery Club' it's a bit like the ' mile high club' but a scarier version, definitely not for the faint hearted!

Care to join me? what do ya mean no, you sure?
Message me if you dare

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/06/2015 13:43

Pug There are many reasons why that guy is single. Main one being......He's a massive cock.

pugalicios · 14/06/2015 13:47

This is his ideal 1st date!

Midnight feast at the local cemetery
By candlelight with a full moon
I will feed you then seduce you in the darkness
And if you're lucky you might even see some goolies :)

handfulofcottonbuds · 14/06/2015 13:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah Pug - but is he hot? Wink

MadeMan · 14/06/2015 13:52

"And if you're lucky you might even see some goolies"

pugalicios · 14/06/2015 15:12

Handful, He is quite hot actually

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/06/2015 15:34

That date sounds a rapists dream. Cemetary in the dark. I wouldnt be partaking in that.

Whiskwarrior · 14/06/2015 15:39

How is he single?

Surely he's fighting the women off, what with his winning personality!

I genuinely wonder if he's had any messages after that profile.

Lozfc · 14/06/2015 15:45

Haha, love this post

I went on POF once and there was this guy I was talking to and he looked ok, nothing amazing and he seemed alright to talk to and we got around to talking about previous relationships. He told me his ex had been shagging 3 guys behind his back and thought it was cos of his small dick!! He then asked me a number of times to see his cock and give him an honest opinion lol

handfulofcottonbuds · 14/06/2015 16:31

Go for it then Pug and stop being so picky Wink

Lozfc · 14/06/2015 18:50

Defo go for it Grin

gradetracy · 14/06/2015 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tomuchcake · 19/06/2015 00:23

Grin Shock

Destinysdaughter · 27/07/2015 23:23

www.gentlemen4hire.com/GE1618

OMG just look at this guy's hair!!

ArthurMcAffertyhastwocats · 28/07/2015 08:40

I need to go back to gentlemen4hire when I'm not at work!
My weirdest experience in my admittedly brief foray into OLD was the mature student from Panama who wanted my Myers-Briggs profile before we met. And when I gave him one - not mine, obviously - said "of course, I could tell, that's fine though not as good as if you were an ENFJ". Then when I declined a date, told me there was always room for me in his flat in Panama City if
I wanted to visit, which had a room with a lockable door in case I felt uncomfortable. Because of course I'd be happy to go to Central America with him as long as I could lock myself in at night...
Happily DP seems mostly entirely normal despite being found online.

TheSnowFairy · 28/07/2015 11:28

This thread is hilarious - what a sheltered life I've been leading! Grin

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 28/07/2015 11:45

This one says he's 32 but his profile picture is a screenshot of "how old do I look" which says 36 Grin

Destinysdaughter · 28/07/2015 13:58

I think some brave MNetter should meet up with one of these guys and report back to us, it'd be hilarious! Maybe we should start a fund to pay for the outrageous prices they charge for their 'services' ...

britneyspearscatsuit · 28/07/2015 14:02

Nominate offred to trial run one of those bad boys!

loveareadingthanks · 30/07/2015 06:46

www.gentlemen4hire.com/CH4018

This guy is actually cute but a 'Married documentary filmmaker offers chance to share intimate experiences.' and peers very intently into the camera. Who wants to bet his whole flat is rigged with cameras and you end up starring in your very own film?

Ooh he's given his work email address. It's a real film company. what a moron.

loveareadingthanks · 30/07/2015 06:47

www.gentlemen4hire.com/GA9098

jeez this man offers 'human punch bag (giving) - does this mean you pay him to punch you?

Awholelottanosy · 30/07/2015 10:58

No I think it means the opposite as he's into spanking etc. Scary guy!

MrsJorahMormont · 31/07/2015 11:38

JFR's 'I like to think I have a kind face... ' just about broke me Grin

I met DH online dating and am secretly disappointed that I never met any real weirdos or indeed got a cock shot. I too have a kind face Wink