HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

Me starting another thread Roz Just saying

Notice I go very quiet when bar hosts are sought. I know my limitations.

Well, on yesterday's evidence, clearly not.

I seem to spend half my life thinking "Why did that happen?" In a puzzled way. While those around me seem to know exactly why that happened.

Good morning ladies! Just checking in, have had loads on and a busy day ahead. Which is good frankly. Lists, I find lists help a lot. I have a long one day. I am so glad my own threads are back up, people are so lovely aren't they?

I too have found it difficult to concentrate on the TV and rarely watch it. Signed up to Netflix, haven't used it once. Kids have though, so that's something. I did manage to read a book, but I know the man who wrote it and it was a "true life" story and I thought "there but for the grace of God", so that was a positive thing. I am currently trying to read another to get back into the swing of reading but struggling with this one. However, the new 50 Shades book is out today. I can guarantee I will have no problem with reading that and will go and get it today . This shit permeates bloody everything doesn't it? It won't last forever though, that I am sure of!

Have a lovely day all, KOKO

TV struggler here too. I can manage books, but TV is either too trivial to keep my attention, or too intense.

My son is home from hospital, being looked after by his wife. In answer to your question yesterday hobbit, it is a very serious long term thing. In fact we don't know what will happen in the long term. It is the greatest sorrow of my life.

Well done semtex for even attempting the IT gubbins, I had to get someone to do it for me,
A. Coz I am Thicko Mc Thicky when it comes to computery stuff.
B . I am a lazy caah...

I'm so sorry to hear that, Roz my lovely, that must be very difficult, our children are our most precious gift aren't they.

Nothing more precious. He has suffered so much pain, so many procedures and one very, very serious OP. I still feel traumatised from that experience, god knows how he feels .

the fuckwittery continues - you know what they say about once the lies start you cannot stop and the net just gets wider and wider - well that's happening in my case - them Form Es are story books in my opinion - certainly is the case with X - he seems to be living in fucking fantasy land.
My piss is boiling hobbit - my defense has always been "he is the kids dad" but I am running out of patience - he seems to have no regard that I am their mother so not sure how long I am going to continue with this view

Rozalia wishing your son a speedy recovery, bless you and him .

Green, God I know that feeling so well. You need to be prepared for a lot more fuckwittery to come. They seem to have the knack of "recreating" everything when it comes to finances. Of course it will be a story. I have to say I had to force documentary disclosure from my ex via the court. It was ridiculously at odds with what he had put on Form E and was heartbreaking when I realised how little he gave a shit about us and how much he had spent on OW (and others) and what a double life he had led for such a long time. They are not "men" and they don't deserve the children they had. Thinking of you .

Just been spending sometime catching up. Being ill really floored me with tiredness .dont even know if I am on the right thread here as have heard rumours of a new one. It's all steps forward and backwards for all of us and when one takes a break another steps up to the plate. Anyhow just wanted to acknowledge and show that I know what's going on. roz sorry about your son iwas you have been full steam ahead - enjoy a bit of a break away. Hallo everyone.

Green Form E is a load of cobblers for some and you feel like the world's greatest mug for doing it honestly! MrSW wrote in his how he was going to live happily ever after, to the max, in a wonderful world. After exchange, all of a sudden, I was forcing him to work in a dreadful world that he hated and I was such a bitch putting him through that torment.

His 'choices' had apparently changed - even though they hadn't. Even his barrister believed his version of events until I pointed out to her the facts hadn't changed from what he'd stated in Form E - merely his 'perspective' in light of receiving my Form E. She changed tack after that.

It's a really terrible thing to say to someone but: stop trying to be 'considerate' to him - and start being the most selfish caaaaah you've ever met 'til this is over. Then you can become normal again.

Yep, I agree with WWK , Green my love , you're trying to be considerate and fair, he is anything but those things. It's like bringing a knife to a gunfight, you're always going to come out worse off.

You need actual proof of his form E, physical documentation, bank statements, etc. You are fighting for your family's future here, you have already tried mediation and negotiation, and he has failed to comply.
A man who could ask for your medical compensation to be added to the 'pot' is not going to fight fair. He will try to weasel out of whatever he can.
You do need to be 'selfish' now, and not think of him as the man you thought he was. He is no longer that man. I used whatever leverage I could to get the best outcome for my son and myself, I don't care that I hurt his feelings, so what? As if he didn't deserve our utmost contempt and disdain?
Be strong now my love, xx

Roz sorry to hear about your son Nothing worse than a suffering child.

green divorce - the gift that keeps on giving...and lying...and lying some more Hopefully you will be able to get proof of said lies through disclosure.

I have now got my date for First Hearing - yay!!!! It means shit can now get moving. Best read that book now His sol has written saying he would still like to reach an agreement....still waiting......

so it seems everyone has sodded off to the new thread, run by the lovely semtex

humming "all by myself" gently to myself

dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-dum

Talking to myself now......

Link to new thread here

Tricked you

It's

actually

here

But

do