HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

Fuckit glad you have been signed off. Quite frankly if your employers show no understanding or support, then it seems you have no choice. This totally goes against the spirit of supporting the workforce. It's a union matter now. You've paid your subs long enough, now let the experts deal with it.

Yes, it is a huge relief to hand it over to someone else to sort.

Thansk Izzie - you ok?

Yes thanks fuckit will pm later xx

I'm off sick today, some virus going round at work. I'm going to spend some time propped up in bed having a refresher on fly lady, I need a plan to get on top of the house and back to my organised self, it's all doing my head in now. We're going away in about 8 weeks so that's my deadline, want to leave a clean, tidy organised house.

Can you come and organise me as well, braving my bedroom is a complete tip, floordrobe and ironing pile taking over!
It's sunny today though, don't want to waste it doing housework schmousework, we go on holiday next week, < hooray!>

What's fly lady? < rushes to google>
Some kind of mutant?

It's an American lady's household organisation system, if you can cope with the religious overtones and the Americanisms it's a really simple system where you do certain tasks daily, others weekly and then you work on a different zone every week to do monthly tasks. I've done it before and it does work but you have to keep it up.

I need to start with a blitz first though when I feel a bit Better.

Well surprise surprise Hobbit we all know you're just a lazy caaaaaah

Feeling quite jealous of all you ladies going on holiday. I'd like a holiday Perhaps when this is all over.......

Bobs Booked ours in a "fuck it" moment, shouldn't have spent the money really but I'm looking forward to it.

Booked our with my half of his yearly bonus bobs my love, well if you don't ask you don't get do ya? And I am a cheeky caah!

It's the last I'll see of them anyway....

Might just have a looky see at that website braving < lies through teeth>

I might have a cheeky look at that website. Then give some tips to the kids haha

thank you iwas - you doing ok? and izzie - hope you had a good night out - will get myself sorted to join the dark side

fuckit - start thinking about yourself for a bit now - little things to boost you up - like sitting in the garden in this glorious weather!

bobs just me with SHL - wasn't sure how emotional i was going to be - so needed her there really but in the end i was ok -

green we told you you'd be fine, and you were, well done lovely lady, first hurdle overcome.
KOKO xx

So do you have a date for the next one green and do you have a lot to do in the mean -time or is it all down to him? Some twunts will just take things right to the end because they feel they are so in the right - or they're just twats!

Well done green.
I've been lurking for a bit as I'm going through the hell that is the Form E. Feels like it's dragging me down.

I have an appointment with my solicitor next week. While I will be glad to cut ties with STBXH I'm dreading the process. He doesn't know how not to manipulate, I suppose he's been doing it so long he doesn't recognise he is. Perhaps.

DS2 is in hospital again, acute pain they are trying to control. STBXH visited him yesterday and when we spoke later, by phone, he said it was " Same old, same old". DS2 has been in and out of hospital a lot with this. The pain is excruciating and he is on a morphine pump again. Yeah, same old same old. What a bastard! How can that be your response to seeing someone you allegedly love, in terrible pain?

When I initially texted to ask how son was, as STBXH didn't like my text he kept going on and on about that, while I was asking how DS2 was. Fuckwit, fuckwit, fuckwit. All about him as usual.

The night was full of miserable dreams about the cunt. WTF goes through these cunt's heads.

Ros Sorry to hear about your ds, hope he's better soon x

Unfortunately the song in their heads is "me, me, me".

I'm so sorry to here about your ds roz , yes, as braving says it's always all about them. They have their own little bubble that they live in, and have no empathy for anyone else, even their own child. Quite sociopathic really, has he always been this way ? Or is it since you have broken away from him.

Looking back he somehow made everything about him. From throwing a strop at my mother's funeral ( subtly, so I was the only one who knew) to insisting on coming into the delivery room after DD2 had her baby, despite it being against hospital policy to let another person in.
Me and DD1 were there for the birth ( DD2's DH deployed abroad) but even before labour STBXH had gone on and on about it "not being fair" if he didn't see the baby at a few minutes old. Bugger the fact that baby's dad didn't see him until he was 5 months old. Basically he bullied the midwife.

So yes, hobbit an uncanny ability to make it All About Him.

Hi what , sorry to hear of more twattishness from your ex, that's very quick to put the house up for sale, have you taken advice on that my lovely?

Just make sure you're not getting shafted financially, have you agreed all the child maintenance and contact stuff ?

Can't remember where you are in the process, do you have your petition filed? I suppose the house could take a while to sell, be careful you have all your ducks in a row, and get the best possible outcome for your children and yourself. He is an insensitive idiot, they all are, and they can't face up to what they've done , because then what does that make them? A lying, cheating, arsehole, who thinks his dick is more important than his children's security and wellbeing, and they don't like that image of themselves do they? Far better to be the tortured soul following his heart and his interests.

Pah! Boils my piss, it really does, have the rage on your behalf my love, KOKO x

Well done for you going on date number 3 , look forward to the update...
< sad cow, who lives vicariously through what >

What, my experience is that the longer it goes on the meaner they get as that first flush of guilt and generosity dies out. I am not sure you should sell atm but you should defineltynget things drawn up by a solicitor and signed while he is being ok.

Christmas and New Year, lots of crap times to come but some good times too.