HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

Good luck green. Don't forget the power of the pineapple.

Sending more good luck wishes from me Green...

Good Luck today Green kickass x

Stay strong, my lovelygreen we are all with you....

The power of the pineapple is strong in this one.... :)

thought I had got my emotions under control but you lot have just made me blub -

Im ready for today it is just a process - a bloody shit one - but still a process - there is too much still up in the air for very much to be achieved - and what bobs said about the bills - costing me a bloody fortune all this but someone/something "sent" me the money to be able to do this so its meant to be!

hobbit some words you said on Friday and reiterated to me last night by a very dear friend - I meant my vows when I said them and despite everything they would probably have been for the full hog. I have kept my integrity intact - I meant what I said - I didn't let circumstances compromise what was important to me - at the end of the day I will come out knowing that I have remained true to myself and thats all I need.

Them steel balls ive grown a pair!

thank you ladies

Good for you green and glad you got this - thought you might already have left xx

Sending love and energy across the ether to you Geeen.

Plenty there for the rest of you too.

KOKO. The shit will end. I hope!

Hope it went OK Green.

Just caught up.. Green hope you are ok lovely.

I am annoyed as I have NO TIME! no bloody time to sort out my flat tyre, make appointments with DR's, change surgeries close to home and more importantly NO TIME to go and get legal advice.

Its annoying me a lot at the moment.

Throwing my all into work since beginning of March as they were very kind to me during the period of my leaving stbxh but this is getting silly now. As much as I am coping, more work keeps coming my way.

Sorry for the rant

According Know the feeling, my work has been amazing but I've got to catch up, there was a period of about 6 weeks when I only did the basics and its just piled up.

Oh Braving its a ruddy nightmare isn't it.

More work = too knackered when I get home to even think about doing anything to sort my personal life out. Monday >Friday>chill out weekends > Monday again> months go by. In fact I have so much work now I need to start doing some when I'm at home in the evening to meet deadlines. Not good!

well im glad thats over - how did it go? - got through it thats all i can say. my gut feeling is this is all about spite - he's left the house and so is now going to make sure I dont get it either - as usual what he forgets about is the kids - we have been told to sort this out before we spend the school fees on legals - this is all down to him not providing information - tried to get the judge to tell me i am not to attend a meeting of which I have an interest in - then tried to get me to sign a letter instead -
dont think my SHL or barrister where impressed - just made them even more suspicious - oh & he wanted me told not to spend the insurance money - so I am dealing with an arse alright. the thing is how do you negotiate with an arse - the kids have been through enough already - how do i protect them from this - i need to get away from this poison

Oh Green sounds bloody horrible. Did you have a de-brief with solicitor or barrister afterwards? Do you know whats going to happen going forward? are you having to wait to spend your insurance money still?

I am so so scared of starting this off myself, terrified even

As an aside, its not up to him about who gets the house is it. I'm glad he has left though. For your sanity.

Well, I can't say I'm surprised at his behaviour, once an arse always an arse I say, . But well done you for getting through that, I'm sure you were very nervous, he should comply now hopefully with the disclosure .
You are a

Have you both got to do disclosure now Green? Or has the judge told you to go away and sort it out between yourselves (to which you want to reply with a large sarcastic grin: "If that was possible, I wouldn't have brought him to court in the first place!!!"

These men are poisonous arses.

Hi Green - well done for getting through what is always a torrid experience. It does feel utterly surreal to be in court against your husband. It goes against every instinct.

I'm afraid, you cannot negotiate with someone who will not negotiate at all. I'm hoping you've come away with undertakings/an order which is the first step in attempting resolution. The judges caution all couples about costs at the FDA - it's part of the rules. We got that lecture too and I just sat there incredulous because I was thinking "but you've just issued a penal notice for disclosure from him..."

Be prepared for more fuckwittery in the coming days if they aren't happy with any rulings...They will usually try to come via the 'back door' either by sending vicious emails or by decreeing that you 'can sort this out' together.

With some fuckwits, it's about 'winning at all costs' rather than resolving. I'm sorry. It will end but it's a hell of a thing to get through. KOKO.

green You survived. I find the going 'against' your husband bit so surreal. Whatever difficulties we've all experienced over the years, ultimately we've been on the same side. Not any more. I met with a financial guy today and my first instinct is to ring H to put things past him. I don't think so. Not any more. So sad but reality. Well done though, another bridge crossed.x

well sadly I think you are right on this - he is out to "win" at all cost and "winning" in his eyes is that neither of us gets the house - quite how this is winning I have no idea - in the space of a couple of years the kids will have lost both their grans, seen their parents divorce as a result of their DF having an affair, seen the extended families split apart, me go through breast cancer and now very likely have to move house whilst in the middle of their GCSE years - he cant even commit to keeping the kids in school for the next 2 years other than to say he hopes too!

its all such a crock of bullshit - no doubt he will think he can stipulate where we move too as well -

even my SHL said he looks nothing like his online profile - yes thats because he was acting as per his story - everything I predicted he would do he has done and then had the cheek to question why my legal fees are so high in comparison to his - thats cos he's a C**T m'lord!

"1" - he wasn't my husband - just some thing living in his body - i didnt blub - major achievement - managed to keep calm(mostly) so sadly didnt live up to the "unstable mad cow" he was hoping for - disclosure is all down to him - whether he will comply who knows - he likes to play games - this game is all his though - he can play on his own cos I'm out - so he'll think he's won but actually I wasn't playing in the first place!!!

izzie i read about you having a break - i hope you are ok!

oh & I had to laugh barrister wanted to know about my living arrangements with Mr SB & SHL piped up shes only known him all of 5 weeks - hardly think he's moving in- ARSE!

Oh Green that sounds really tough, he really is a selfish, insensitive arse. I'm very sorry sweetheart

Thank you Bobs appreciated.

WWK thanks. He's just totally selfish; it suits Sid to stay near the business so stuff how it affects me. Thank you for your support. Really sorry to read about your dad. I hope the job and impending move are going well.

Green back here for you my love. Been out this evening so just caught up. It still never ceases to amaze me that hardly any of them can do the decent thing at this stage. You did well though to keep your cool. KOKO babe xx

Dr as signed my off for two weeks, until after the grievance meeting. I chase left him some paperwork and he will write a report.

Very quiet in here, what is the dark side?

Green,have a glass of wine. Cheers. X

That's good that you've been signed off Fuckit I hope it will help you catch your breath.

green well done getting through it. did you both have sols and barristers there? I think WWK said it all really. It's good you have all the help you can get against twisty twunts like yours!