HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 10

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her. Sorry, she's been ousted by a pineapple in this 1st post, but sure she will feature if the lazy caaah gets off her...
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.
7. Random Guys feature on here too

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married almost 23 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted April 2014 on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 6 months which didn’t work, as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He was then given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court. Still waiting…

Link to last thread here

Link to 1st thread - if you have a spare week or so and want to read the lot here

Wise No zumba at the moment is in a church hall, but less glamorous :)

I never seem to catch the crowd - too late for the "in bed by 8.30" people and too early for the "2 a.m." people..... am in bed now but not tired for some reason ..unlike some I like the evenings at home - feel safe and because am boring am happy to watch TV and whatever ....tonight was eating banana Soreen - O M G - fantastic! Don't like the morning so think that is why am reluctant to go to bed early - in case I wake up even earlier...IYKWIM...

Zumba = mind magic! Have always loved to dance...

do we need to start a new top 10 on who's up in court next? just an idea so we can all get our pom poms out

Despite the best efforts of a pair of idiots! No need to add me to the list! And, yes, I was prepared to say guilty as charged!

For having exclamationitis!!!!!!!!!

I even had a defence too: blame Izzie.

Sadly, I live in the real world. Where shit happens. I get on with it. Even when it's hard.

But I'm bloody glad I can come here and moan about it!

TheOldWiseOne...my DS loves Banana Soreen, he calls it "Minion cake". It's delish

I bought the 5 mini pack thinking that it would be controlled then I ate 3 - may as well have bought the big one..

Soreen? I bloody love that stuff. I once ate an entire loaf in a day in lieu of lunch...We should ask them to make a pineapple Soreen - there's a ready made market for it. In fact, as part of their marketing, they could sponsor MN - and sales would be astronomical.

Had a job interview today...and, yet again, too fucking over qualified blah, blah, blah but managed to wing it and say - yes, I am, however, when you need assistance with x, y and z, you know who you can call, all sitting pretty like, because she can do shit. And so I have a second interview in a few days. So, I've got a week to forget everything I know and de-skill myself. Yey!

Well done WWK that's good news any over requirement of skill you can throw my way! Hope the next one goes well

Two for £2.00 in Sainsbury's OldWiseOne - stock up! . Had a productive evening this evening, interrupted only by WWK and a lovely chat, writing a list of what needs to be done to the house now that I am slowly preparing it for sale. I have had lots of offers of help so it should be relatively easy to get it all done. Have been looking at properties in the place I plan to relocate us to and am hopeful that I should just about be able to buy somewhere outright, my God how lovely that would be! It would probably be a bit of a project though, but I don't mind that. Forgot to put DD's uniform in wash so thank goodness for insomnia and waiting up for that to be done. She has her art GCSE tomorrow, it's going to be a very long day for her. I had no idea GCSE's would be so expensive, it has cost a fortune in items for her planned project but she is so bloody talented it will be worth every penny. DS has only had one attack of the night terrors tonight thus far, a small improvement! I have a new phone coming and a new number, took full advantage of Virgin's offered upgrade . Hope everybody else has had a peaceful evening! That WWK is an unstoppable fruity force at the moment isn't she?!

Tee hee pineapplegate has even reached Big Brother. They're everywhere

Omg MrsC Art was by far the most expensive subject. DD1 did it to A Level. At one point we had part of the garage painted black, with a wedding dress, top hat and other paraphernalia suspended from the ceiling and uplit. Then there was all the photo paper, printer ink, ohp sheets.. The list went on. Glad DS settled better tonight.

New stuff is always nice. Out with the old....

Hi Just checking in.
Apologies - will catch up on thread later.
Just spent 3 hours trying to decide what kettle to buy - haven't made an f ing decision on my own for bloody years!

By the time I've read all the new posts, everyone's gone quiet.
Just a random fact I worked out earlier ... Out of all the couples that I could think of that I knew who were divorced or separated ( not all friends of MAR ), I worked out that at least 15 of them were married to policemen.
Hmmmmmmm

Beware of the country club jacuzzis girls...the slag and weasel got up to all sorts of yucky stuff in one...the slag reported it on her public Facebook profile! What a classy step mother she's going to be!

Hi Iget...I'm still here

You're right Iget most of the divorced people I know were with policemen.

bobs, you're not kidding, I think from what you have written, my DD is following a similar path to yours. I had better start saving...! Her Dad (not ex-twunt) is very good and helps out a lot with extra bits she needs but it really does add up. Hobbycraft will see a spike in sales I should think!

whyMe...you will get better at this..I never had to make decisions about things like that, they were his. He was probably still is a gadget man and they would just appear regardless of expense. Ask WWK what my "kettle" is like....! Hope you found one you like .

I have just cleared out a small cupboard while waiting for the wash, determined as I am to re-organise my kitchen table "office" into a streamlined filing system dream on. Found a folder of letters and cards from ex-twunt, where it used to fill my heart with joy to read his slightly illiterate ramblings, now I just laugh as I can imagine how oft repeated and surely worn out they are :

The love of my life been a lot of those
My soulmate been a lot of those
I will love you for the rest of my life until a new OW comes along
Thank you for giving me a son yes, you know, the one you claim was a mistake and should have been aborted
I love you and everybody else
I will always be there for you and DD but have lost count of stepchildren and have yet another one
I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you and fell in love with everybody else I laid

Oh and the 10th anniversary stuff, such effort that went into that, a mere 4 1/2 years ago, I was 6 months pregnant with DS, he was complaining that my bump didn't "show", I was a proper gym bunny then and had very strong stomach muscles so didn't look actually pregnant until about 7 months yet he'd proudly put tiny pictures of the scans into a little silver heart. Is this really the same man who has treated us with such callous contempt? It does, however, hurt to know that even then, he was cock-lodging elsewhere. I really wouldn't want to be OW...!

why me funny that ...
This no sleep malarkey is taking its toll.
So this is day 1 ( again, but I need to make this work ) of trying to have no contact. I've always been a weak cow where this is concerned but according to WA it's because I was so socially isolated that I've become conditioned to think I always need him, turn to him etc, which I find highly amusing ( not ) given that one of the reasons he left me ( he says ) is because I was so needy ! So fingers crossed for me that I can actually manage it this time.

Kettles or contact - I think it takes a long time to think and act as "one" - as you say MrsC let's buy all the freaking gadgets in the world but let's ignore the basics like keeping track of paperwork or renewing insurance! After all it's all about their "happiness"...

Forgot to say why, really glad you're back ! Wish we lived near to each other, we could take on our twunt's together !

why I'm not sure I can even be bothered to go so I'll be safe from the Jacuzzi a bit longer. I think a long walk with ddog followed by catching up on some tv is on order.

wise that pineapple face man gives me the creeps!

Hopefully I got all the tears about my house out of the way a couple of weeks ago because at the moment I feel positive about a fresh start. Really amazing what they forced him to agree to considering he started the process saying if you divorce me I will make sure you get nothing. He tried harder than most to beat the system it didn't work they all get forced to be reasonable in the end.

Hi All - just managed to catch up with old thread - really laughed at all the name changing going on and the pineapples!

Tabby fantastic news - steel balls and dave strutt did their job! - really pleased for you - think im next in line so will be looking for advice here!

cant seem to get my head in gear at the moment waiting to hear whats happening - and hospital looming - quite happy to while away my hours fannying around on here meanwhile the house and garden are going to pot.
the latest stunt with the money hasnt helped my mood and after a phone call to kids school yesterday X hasn't done what he says he has so more uncertainty.

I am so tired - all i want to do is sleep but it doesn't seem to be helping my motivation to get anything done - have "stuff" constantly going on in my head - think i really want to just pretend none of this is happening but cant get away from it.

going back to bed for a few hours - hopefully may feel more like getting on top of things

KOKO L.G.O xx

You sound wonderfully strong and positive tabby :)
I'm feeling a bit rubbish today, pregnancy hormones, dd having chicken pox so no nursery, house is a tip and I have no energy.
I keep wondering if this is it? Will he never ever see his children? Or will we get a nasty surprise one day?
So many people are telling me that his relationship won't last with OW and I think that makes it worse. At least if it lasted he could say it was worth it for the love of his life or some bullshit but if it all falls apart then he's hurt us for nothing and left his children without a dad.
I can see her wanting a life that he just can't give her though. He's 17 years older than her and struggling to make ends meet financially and that's before paying for the new baby! There's going to be no lavish couples life for them and if he has a fourth child he's seriously stupid as he can't afford the ones he's got let alone bother to see them!!
Sorry I'm rambling, someone kick some sense into me!