Husband and friend

[spottybottycream]

We are currently helping a friend of mine out of an abusive relationship.
She is now living on her own with her two children, but has started texting and calling my DH for every little thing. Draw broken, call DH. Text from abusive ex, call DH in tears.
To be honest I feel she should be calling me. DH just fixes drawer or makes consoling noises and is being supportive because I initially asked him to be but he is getting annoyed with it all now. I don't know how to back off without looking like I'm abandoning her after all the help we gave to get her set up on her own.

Having just got out of an abusive marriage I am very aware of my own vulnerabilities. I don't want to go from one abusive marriage/relationship to another - done that already. There are men in my life who have been kind and supportive, but i have put boundaries in place, for my own protection as well as theirs.

However, i do feel like I've spent the last nearly 20 years in a cave, cut off from normal human interaction. My STBXH is very much like Gilrack's father, the most innocent exchange with a man could earn me a back-hander. It was all about sex in his eyes. I reacted like Hissy though, barely lifting my eyes from the ground for years. In my case the "men" could include my own teen and preteen sons.

Sorry about this self-indulgent post. This is all so new to me i keep blurting out my lightbulb moments. But i think OP's instincts have been right all along. Abusive relationships fuck you up snd take a lot of recovery. Womens Aid are the right people to help your friend now.

Rozalia

Roz

(Hissy has already had lots of from me )

Thank you FreakinScary

And Roz, have some from me too.

Thank you all for sharing, I really hope those of you who have escaped your relationships manage to build good lives for yourselves.

Well, I'm back from work and feel like I could do with a few large brandy's!

I woke this morning to a series of messages that went like this.

(1)
Who the f* do you think you are telling (DH) who he can and cannot speak to? How DARE you try and stop us being friends!

(2)
I know you've told him he cant speak to me you spiteful b.

(3)
Your just jealous and spiteful, I know you came and took the mower back just to be a b.

DH has said she also called round earlier this afternoon and he didn't answer the door as he was putting little one down for a nap (but could see it was her through the upstairs window walking off down the road) she put a piece of paper through the door with her phone number on

I have text her and told her to leave us both alone and find someone else for her safe word.

I don't know how it all went so wrong

Wow

Blimey, that is extreme.

Blimey.

Fucking hell.

Disengage completely now. Sadly, I don't think you've heard the last of her!

Does she think we don't communicate or something? That DH would hide her number away so I couldn't see and text her in secret?

I really think she has completely lost her marbles

Crikey! She sounds a bit deranged.

Perhaps she's built up a star crossed lovers scenario in her head and is convinced he wants to stay in touch with her.

Bloody hell spotty!

Your gut was right loony tunes how well do you know her background? Is she likely to be dangerous? I think I would have some sort of plan in place if she continues to harass you maybe speak to the police? You have done the right thing keep well away -- do not respond - buy keep any evidence and document anything she does.

Her head is probably shot and she's not thinking straight. Who would after that. She's acting vulnerable. When she texts your husband you reply. (Name) said you text he thought I could help. You ok. Need a coffee. Etc.
this way she's getting support , letting her realise your the friend not your H and there is no added trauma.

Fatal Attraction! nothing bubbling in the kitchen I hope

Bloody hell, that's a bit unexpected isn't it.

Has he deleted and blocked her number from his phone?, you too I think.

Who the f* do you think you are telling (DH) who he can and cannot speak to? How DARE you try and stop us being friends!

This is slightly worrying.
I hope your DH hasn't tried to make you out to be the 'bad guy' in all this!
She needs to know that he is in agreement with you.

aggressive mare isnt she?

Hahahahaha larf I think I might go and check!

I need to laugh or I might cry!

Blimey OP, that's horrible.

I would not reply as I think disengaging now is best but I'd be sorely tempted to the "who the fuck" one to reply "I think I'm his wife and I thought I was your friend. Who do YOU think you are?"

You still did a good thing helping her get away though.

bloody hell op, I've followed this thread from the start and have to say you've handled this way better than I would have done. You sound awesome, as does your dh. I think I'd have lost my cool big time by now. Keep your head held high in this, hope your ex friend also sorts through her issues soon.

Wow. The latest messages are a bit worrying.

I kind of agree that you DH might have to hammer the last nail home so to speak. As long as she thinks you're keeping them apart this could continue.

God I'm sorry what an awful situation to be in, but it is all of her own making. You tried to help her and now she's treating you this way.

xx

Those messages do take it to a whole other level of crazy. Before that a generous person could have thought she was being a bit daft and not realising what a fool she was making of herself. Those messages leave no doubt, she knows exactly what she's doing and she doesn't care.

Your DH needs to prepare himself for when she gets him alone. She will try and it's only a matter of time as he can't hide forever, tempting though it may be.