My husband has just hit me

[toomuchnutella]

I separated from my husband in December last year, we decided tot ry and live apart and to try and work through things while having some space, he has the 5 children all day on a sunday and sunday night, monday night, wednesday night and friday night, i have them the rest of the time (sahm).

Tonight i went over there as i am still feeding the youngest who is 18m, and to read the older kids a story.We also had a disagreement this morning and i was feeling bad about it so went over there to make up as i hate leaving things like that.

He drinks a lot in general (Lager/ales, at least 4 every night at home) but i could tell he had been drinking more than usual as he seemed snappy and argumentative (with me, not with the kids, they had music on really loud and were all running around pretending to be dinosaurs) the kids hadnt seen me all day so when i got in all of them came running over saying mummy can we come back to yours. i said no its daddys turn.

We spoke about this morning but he basically threw my apology back in my face and said he didnt care and didnt want to talk about it.I was really upset as we have been getting on well since he moved out despite some ups and downs, i do love him but everytime he does something i end up being the one to say sorry and he makes me feel like the bad guy.

As i left the kids asked again if they could come with me, i said no, but then once id closed the door i changed my mind as i was upset about what had happened and tbh i was worried about the drinking, so i went back in and said who wants to come to mummys, they all ran out and jumped in the car except the oldest,who my husband told not to go with me.

He started shouting at me saying your not taking my kids away, i said im not they want to come to mine, your drunk anyway, he started saying he fucking hated me and went back inside to ds1,7. I was worried about ds1 as husband was now very irate and ds1 was really upset.I didnt want to leave him.

Husband slammed the door but i put my foot in it, he slammed the door shut on my foot, told me he was going to fucking kill me, smash my face in etc, i didnt think he would so stayed there, he then opened the door and smacked me really hard around the jaw. All the kids had seen what happened, they started crying, i was really shocked and said i cant believe you did that, ds1 was screaming, i told him if he didn't let ds1 out the house i would go next door and tell them to ring the police (didn't have phone) he still didn't so i tried to push my way through, he started screaming really loudly, i think this was an attempt to make it sound like i was hurting him, i knew i wasn't getting anywhere with him so i ran next door and asked them to ring police, they said they would.

Husband said fine im going, and drove off.

Not only is he drunk, but he also doesn't have a licence (something i only found out about about a yr ago, he has been driving for nearly 20 years)

By this point the kids were hysterical, they had seen everything.

To cut the story short, the police came, drove behind me home, they caught up with him somewhere and now he is in custody for driving offences and obviously assault.

I dont know what to do. My poor kids.I don't know how it escalated so quickly.

I feel like its all my fault.I know he will blame it all on me.

Police have gone now. I have no one at all, no family near by, no real friends i can tell this kind of stuff to.

He keeps doing things that i never thought he would do.He cheated on me when i was pregnant with my first baby, i forgave him. I found out recently he had been sending flirty messages to a girl at work, and that he had taken cocaine a few times on nights out with his friends. He just lies constantly.

A caution is 'legally binding', my dear, and cannot be given unless the offender admits to committing the crime.

Regardless of how much food they've consumed, 6 cans of strong Polish lager will put the vast majority of the population over the drink driving limit and will certainly impair the judgement of the driver, causing them to be a danger to other road users.

If you have your dcs best interests at heart, you'll put plans for your 'sixth and last' dc on hold, stop sending the 5 you have to stay with their lying irresponsible df, and make contact with Womens Aid.

Hopefully, Social Services will pick up on the case and safeguards will be put into place to protect your dc from what appears to be your somewhat laissez faire approach to parenting.

Sorry to go on about the driving licence/insurance thing OP - but he has been paying hundreds of pounds per year, for 'insurance'? When/if he gets in an accident (maybe by Drink driving?) and has to make a claim, or even by being hit (by one of those terrible drivers who actually have insurance and have taken a test) his 'insurance' is null and void! No insurance company will pay up - regardless of how many years he has been paying the premiums. He doesn't sound very intelligent.

I'm amazed that the Police have 'let' him off. He doesn't seem to have grasped the seriousness of it - drink/driving, DV, driving without authorisation... and why should he? He can do anything he likes. Without consequences. And you are facilitating and minimising it.

I agree with [so many] others - he should not be having unsupervised access until he has grasped the fact that he is a father with responsibilities and is a role model for his children. That supervision should not be done by you, BTW. It should be done in an access/contact centre, by people who are trained to observe his behaviour with them. Not you.

In the hope that you are still reading, if not posting, there are so many red flags in his behaviour OP. I don't think you can go back to business as usual after this episode but that is ultimately up to you.

The biggest point I want to make though is that you must at least listen to your children. If they say they don't want to see him or be left with him again then please respect their wishes.

Well the story about the car/insurance/licence/penalty points/driving over the limit and caution doesn't ring true. Presumably you have got that from him and you say in your op he lies.

It must be difficult to read what posters are saying to you and you claim not to have read all the messages but I don't know how you move on from this. It all sounds like one big mess but I hope you can keep your children safe.

It seems to me that all he has to do is buy another car and tell you he's passed a driving test in a couple of weeks' time.

This may also not be what you want to hear, nutella, but if, god forbid, your dc were injured or worse while being driven by their unlicenced, and therefore uninsured, df it's probable the press would depict your family as being far removed from the image of The Waltons you appear to be trying to project.

It's time to get your head of out of clouds, honey - your dc are far too precious to be put at risk in this manner and it's time for you to step up to the plate and protect them with or without the help of any of the numerous agencies mentioned here.