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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

My husband has just hit me

205 replies

toomuchnutella · 25/05/2015 00:48

I separated from my husband in December last year, we decided tot ry and live apart and to try and work through things while having some space, he has the 5 children all day on a sunday and sunday night, monday night, wednesday night and friday night, i have them the rest of the time (sahm).

Tonight i went over there as i am still feeding the youngest who is 18m, and to read the older kids a story.We also had a disagreement this morning and i was feeling bad about it so went over there to make up as i hate leaving things like that.

He drinks a lot in general (Lager/ales, at least 4 every night at home) but i could tell he had been drinking more than usual as he seemed snappy and argumentative (with me, not with the kids, they had music on really loud and were all running around pretending to be dinosaurs) the kids hadnt seen me all day so when i got in all of them came running over saying mummy can we come back to yours. i said no its daddys turn.

We spoke about this morning but he basically threw my apology back in my face and said he didnt care and didnt want to talk about it.I was really upset as we have been getting on well since he moved out despite some ups and downs, i do love him but everytime he does something i end up being the one to say sorry and he makes me feel like the bad guy.

As i left the kids asked again if they could come with me, i said no, but then once id closed the door i changed my mind as i was upset about what had happened and tbh i was worried about the drinking, so i went back in and said who wants to come to mummys, they all ran out and jumped in the car except the oldest,who my husband told not to go with me.

He started shouting at me saying your not taking my kids away, i said im not they want to come to mine, your drunk anyway, he started saying he fucking hated me and went back inside to ds1,7. I was worried about ds1 as husband was now very irate and ds1 was really upset.I didnt want to leave him.

Husband slammed the door but i put my foot in it, he slammed the door shut on my foot, told me he was going to fucking kill me, smash my face in etc, i didnt think he would so stayed there, he then opened the door and smacked me really hard around the jaw. All the kids had seen what happened, they started crying, i was really shocked and said i cant believe you did that, ds1 was screaming, i told him if he didn't let ds1 out the house i would go next door and tell them to ring the police (didn't have phone) he still didn't so i tried to push my way through, he started screaming really loudly, i think this was an attempt to make it sound like i was hurting him, i knew i wasn't getting anywhere with him so i ran next door and asked them to ring police, they said they would.

Husband said fine im going, and drove off.

Not only is he drunk, but he also doesn't have a licence (something i only found out about about a yr ago, he has been driving for nearly 20 years)

By this point the kids were hysterical, they had seen everything.

To cut the story short, the police came, drove behind me home, they caught up with him somewhere and now he is in custody for driving offences and obviously assault.

I dont know what to do. My poor kids.I don't know how it escalated so quickly.

I feel like its all my fault.I know he will blame it all on me.

Police have gone now. I have no one at all, no family near by, no real friends i can tell this kind of stuff to.

He keeps doing things that i never thought he would do.He cheated on me when i was pregnant with my first baby, i forgave him. I found out recently he had been sending flirty messages to a girl at work, and that he had taken cocaine a few times on nights out with his friends. He just lies constantly.

OP posts:
Arsenic · 25/05/2015 23:03

Not necessarily Flab;

3 to 6 penalty points, a fine of up to £1,000, and possible disqualification

www.findlaw.co.uk/law/motoring/vehicle_crime/500277.html

Arsenic · 25/05/2015 23:04

Same info here (listed as "Driving otherwise than in accordance with a licence") ;

www.gov.uk/highway-code-penalties/penalty-table

The difference between 2 and 3 points could be a misunderstanding or a typo.

AnyRailway · 25/05/2015 23:05

Okay. So I don't agree with the op's attitude about the driving, as I hope I've made clear. However, the main issue is that the children have witnessed domestic violence, and that is a major child protection issue. The fact that the op home educates puts her and the children in a more vulnerable position.

I simply do not care whether or not she is lying about the penalty points on non -existent licence. The main issue here is the children and their wellbeing - and the wellbeing of the op.

Op, if you are still reading this (and I wouldn't blame you if you are not!) please do call social services tomorrow morning. You need some professional advice here.

BlackeyedSusan · 25/05/2015 23:09

rtft now. (mostly)

absolutely do not supervise contact yourself.
do not allow him to have the children unsupervised.

and it sounds like he has been pushing your boundaries for ages and your values are way off normal. you need to find out how serious a lot of the stuff you see as normal, acceptable is. also a survivor of dv and it is only other peoples reactions that tell me how serious some of the stuff that has happened is when it is "normal and not that bad" as he did not beat me up and put me in hospital... except it is that bad, and I could not/can not see it.

Arsenic · 25/05/2015 23:09

OP there is a group on facebook called "Home Education and your Local Authority: Help with dealing with officialdom" that has a very very good reputation.

They have dealt with SS problems and family law issues before.

Post there Smile

Ladymoods · 25/05/2015 23:13

Been lurking but I just wanted to point out that linking the thread where she mentions her children's names to a thread where she has suffered domestic violence is really fucking irresponsible and I would suggest you get that comment deleted immediately.

Lucy61 · 25/05/2015 23:17

Lady mood -Oh my goodness!!!! I really didn't think of that. My mistake!! How do I go about getting it deleted?

Lucy61 · 25/05/2015 23:18

SadSad

Crowquill · 25/05/2015 23:21

Perhaps everyone should report it, to push it up the priority list?

I hope OP hasn't been scared off by the trollhunters Sad

Lucy61 · 25/05/2015 23:23

I've reported my own post and asked for it be deleted. Will pm op to apologise and alert her so she deletes the post naming all dcs.

oabiti · 25/05/2015 23:25

Lucy, why did you even need to link that thread in the first place??! Hmm

AnyRailway · 25/05/2015 23:27

Lucy Sad I'll report it too

oabiti · 25/05/2015 23:32

Well spotted, ladymoods

Lucy61 · 25/05/2015 23:40

Total error of judgement. I linked it as a way of showing how I knew this info- in the same way people sometimes copy and paste previous comments when they are referring to.

The mistake is that this is a dv thread, the link contains too much personal info and op hasn't name changed and I've brought all these pieces together.

I feel like such a fool. I've pm'd op. Please report the link with the names too as it really shouldn't be there with so many dcs.

Lucy61 · 25/05/2015 23:41

Yes, thanks ladymoods.

CamelHump · 25/05/2015 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oabiti · 26/05/2015 08:31

Well maybe you'll be a but more careful next time, Lucy Hmm

OP, really hope you are okay & hope that you can get access to some RL support for yourself & your precious children.

Take care.

Lucy61 · 26/05/2015 08:46

I will be careful but op if you are reading this please ask mumsnet to remove the post where you name all 5 children plus some middle names! You might be a new user so unaware that people can easily look up other posts you have started and join the dots.

Original poster
toomuchnutella · 26/05/2015 10:05

again have not read all the posts but here is what has happened.

I have seen the documents re the driving, he said he thinks the police are covering their own backs as they did not check the status of his licence until the policeman that had been here told them he did have a full one, he had been there hours by that point.He cant drive now until he passes a driving test and his car is at the pound.

He hasn't been to court for anything i didn't make a statement or press charges as i dont want o go to court i would rather sort it out between us, and even if i had he still would of ended up just getting a caution anyway as there was no mark from where he hit me and he has never done it before.So they just made a not of it but not in a legally binding way, and he accepted a caution.

Oh and im not pregnant, its a bit embarrassing, i used a test that isnt my usual type (one with the cross instead of just the vertical lines?) it was negative but i didnt realize!!!!I thought it was positive and it was days before i found the paper that came with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
toomuchnutella · 26/05/2015 10:05

sorry DID NOT have a full one.

OP posts:
Original poster
toomuchnutella · 26/05/2015 10:08

Oh bugger sorry i forgot to say, he passed the test and was not under the limit!

He says he doesn't know how and the policeman was suprised as he could smell it on his breath, i asked him honestly how much had he drank and he said about 6 (strong polish) cans of beer.It was over a few hours and he did eat dinner though.

So that is why he didn't have to go to court or anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
toomuchnutella · 26/05/2015 10:08

sorry i meant he was not OVER the limit.

OP posts:
Original poster
toomuchnutella · 26/05/2015 10:11

Im not going to post on here as i dont feel its very helpful anymore but thanks to those who have tried to help. Everything is fine and i have the kids best interests at heart.

OP posts:
skyeskyeskye · 26/05/2015 10:52

Well OP you can ignore all the advice you have been given but there are some helpful links on here.

Next time he hits you, because he will... lets hope the DC aren't watching.

At least thanks to the police he is now off the road, making your DC and everyone else a lot safer.

MNHQ
BeccaMumsnet · 26/05/2015 12:10

Hello everyone.

We currently have no reason at our end to suspect the OP here isn't genuine. If you do have any concerns, then please do report these to us. Please do not post your concerns on the thread.

In light of this being a thread about domestic violence - please please do be mindful on threads of this kind. The OP is likely to be here seeking support and they could be put off posting and reading the thread if they see troll hunting or unsupportive messages.

toomuchnutella - we're sorry, it sounds like you're going through a very difficult time at the moment. Best wishes from MNHQ Flowers