HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 9

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her.
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married 22 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted last April on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 5 months which didn’t work as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He has now been given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court.

Link to last thread, which has links to all the previous threads here

iwas sorry lovely, I think I am completely obliterated now. It's been a good day and I feel so content right now.

I have no doubts right now.

I will return to this thread tomorrow morning, as I always do every day.

If I post, yes I feel the same, then it is job done.

We have been here nearly three months now and it just keeps feeling better and better every single day.

Foos are bloody brilliant tonight woohoo x

iwas another song about a town

Don't think she'll ever lower it to your level iwas - a toast to laptrays indeed. You on the again?

Quite apt I think.

Lyrics to Yes

So you wanna know me now
How I've been
You can't help someone recover
After what you did
So tell me am I looking better?
Have you forgot
Whatever it was that you couldn't stand
About me about me about me?

Because
Yes I do feel better
Yes I do I feel alright
I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got
To offer

You wanna know me now
How I've been
You can't help someone recover
After what you did
So tell me am I looking better?
Have you forgot
Whatever it was that you couldn't stand
About me about me about me?

Because
Yes I do feel better
Yes I do I feel alright
I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got to offer
Because
Yes I do feel better
Yes I do I feel alright
I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got
To offer

On and on and on and on and on and on and has no-one said
Stay away, stay away I'm better

Ye-ea-ea-ea-yes!
Ye-ea-ea-ea-yes!
Ye-ea-ea-ea-yes!
Ye-ea-ea-ea-yes!

I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got
I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got
I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got
I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got
I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got
I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got
I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got
I feel well enough to tell you what you can do with what you got.

Edit LyricsEdit WikiAdd Video

Lovely to hear Me Someone posted on my thread once "I wish there was a like button" same goes for your last post. Hope tomorrow is as good, enjoy your music x

That's a good song too Izzie

Cheeky cow Bobs !!! Jesus no, can't face wine today!

Thanks for the lyrics Izzie you do have some use Can you make me a cup of tea please?

I would love Sid to beg for another chance with me

Ah you are all so happy tonight ...and I am shite..son struggling with his broken relationship ( it's hard supporting someone else when you are struggling yourself) so...started the thing you are not supposed to do - the texting thing - told cuntface that a brief phone call does not cut it and he has no idea what is happening and hope that he is having a good time on his little holiday while it is all shite here... now he has asked me to fill him in on what is happening - well he can go f himself. If he was still part of a proper family he would know !

I could stretch to that iwas. Would you like some cake too? I always ask twunt if he wants some when he's been over, purely so he can pile on more weight

wise it's infuriating when they tune out of everything, especially when it concerns their offspring. I assume if you did tell him, he wouldn't be much use? Eventually you wil no longer even think about contacting him about issues. As you say, they are bloody useless

Lyrics to my favourite (right now) song by the Foos

"Walk"

A million miles away
Your signal in the distance
To whom it may concern
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough?
Where do I begin?

Do you remember the days
We built these paper mountains
And sat and watched them burn?
I think I found my place
Can't you feel it growing stronger?
Little conquerors

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?

Now
For the very first time
Don't you pay no mind?
Set me free again
You keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a riot
To sacrifice but knowing to survive
The first decline another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm praying for a sign
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I'm on my knees
I never wanna die
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I never wanna die
I never wanna leave
I'll never say goodbye
Forever, whatever
Forever, whatever

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough?
Where do I begin?

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough?

Video here

izbobs it was just to remind him that he is a shite father because he thinks he is a great one .. and to suggest that I know more about it all than he does which I do! Just to rub it all in.....Meanwhile he is on holiday with some male friend - I hope he has a heart attack and they won't treat him because he has no insurance

wise I get you. Heart attacks, oh I think there's a queue for that request, mainly from abandoned wives. Obviously it has to be fatal, gotta think monetary consequences if not!

One of the things I like about being single is that I can choose what to do each evening after work. One day I'm going to sit and watch Midsomer Murders, all two hours of it! The reason being that was never possible because he was always home late, so couldn't ever get settled down for the night, unless you call News At Ten settling down

Oh yes, and none of those requests like I'm running out of shirts/pants/socks so can you put on a wash. The kids put on the washing when they need to they may not do much of it, but they wash what's needed.

I try to not back nowadays. It is what it is. I'm happier day to day unless he's in my head. I live in the now, the near future and what I can deal with. I don't want to analyse anymore. I'm making a good go of things, his day of reckoning is yet to come. Or maybe it already has. All I know is that she won't get any warning.

Wise sorry you are struggling today, it must be hard when they don't have proper involvement with the children.

Always like cake Izzie

Good lyrics there Me

Izzie we used to have family time together at dinner but Sid would normally go back to work afterwards so it used to be 10.30 before we sat down. He'd work until 10 when he wasn't sneaking off next door then have a shower. He doesn't work that late now so it was obviously just me he didn't want to spend time with, he's happy enough to spend more of his evenings with Flooz

Did you say "the kids put on the washing" what does that mean??!

iwas it means they machine wash what they need. Essential items. If not essential, then it piles up until I do it. Actually also DS2 takes charge of the dishwasher. He has his own routine for it, likes it done at night so he can empty it in the morning.

Izzie !!!!! I'm not that daft! I meant "the kids put on the washing" doesn't happen in the iwas household. My DD thinks washing does itself.

Your two sound very domesticated.

iwas sorry! I thought you were being dense. But it was me

They are pretty domesticated on the whole. DS2 used to be a total slob but now his room is spotless and minimal. In fact he gets a bit annoyed with me sometimes. Cleaning the rest of the house is not his strong point, but he does tidy it.

I'm off to bed now. Got to clear it again first . I think I will be glad to move into my new bedroom eventually, more space.

Me dense? You're lucky, I've tried to get my two to be more domesticated. They know I'm a soft touch and if they leave things for long enough I'll get fed up and do it for them.

They will tidy up a bit if I ask but there's no chance my DD would hoover the house or anything unless I pay her.

Shit it's late again isn't it. Oh well Sleep well.

Random Man Alert

Good morning all. Hobbit yes I am handy . But not at DIY. I am handy at being honest . I feel the pain that we all are suffering, I see it in the words of every single one of our gang.
When I catch up on MN , it is a mirror image of my rollercoaster journey of s**t called Divorce Derby. At the moment I am in the running , some of you are Shergar, way out in front. Some are in the pack with me. Some are still about to start the race . The sad thing is , those about to enter don't even know they are about to join the race. They don't know the devastation that their twunt is about to unleash .

Remember what WWK said. They haven't been happy for months. They just forgot to tell me / us .

So I do catch up it is just that I am trying to be busy as much as I can . It helps massively because being out & about means meeting more people , leading to more conversations , leading to more time not on my own . I don't belittle people who cannot get out but I find it easier to say hello to a person than to avoid looking at their face IYSWIM ? So if I have a chance to be nice to anybody, I always choose being nice. Now, a little incident last week .

Chap in my village was trashing a phone box. I stopped and asked him what was the problem , he had been rowing with wife ! Now call this a strange twist - I said why not call her & say sorry . He said he was trying to but was so drunk he put notes in the box not coins so I called his wife from my phone. They made up . I booked him a cab . He went home. Next day he texted me to say thank you. Never seen him before. May never see him again . But, I may have saved his marriage . I hope I have. But the thing is, he has the chance to save it himself if speaks to her. Just like the twunts could have if they had spoke to us.

This where I think back - What if ? What if she had spoke to me ? No she chose her path . I have been given my path. I will walk my path. I have stumbled on this path, I run sometimes , I have even skipped on my path . But sometimes I look back on my path & look for her. Where did it go so wrong ? It didn't. She didn't tell me she was going a different way. And that is the reason I am sharing my life with a group of ladies that I have never seen . I hope I do see you all. But until then we shall remain friends on MN until we do meet.

Just a point though I do not smoke weed , I do drink alcohol. But these words are my post dog walk pub visit ramblings. Just wish sometimes I was able to go back six months & be with the woman I adored . Without a doubt. The most wonderful sexiest person I know. Mother of my son . My best friend. But no longer my wife. That is how I feel tonight. I wanted to share that with my friends on MN . I share it with my best friend in RL. She knows me inside out . However, you ladies know me very well now & you know I tell you how I am feeling , this is how I feel tonight.

KOKO . xxx.

Sakura If you are lurking. Not all men are w*ers. Not all women are deceiptful. But I know that .

I just have to learn to trust again . At the moment I don't even trust a woman who expresses an interest in me . But I will tell you something, I do trust every single woman on MN on this thread called Hobbits Bar . Because we have all been shat on by someone we loved. That is why we are all in the same boat . So Sakura don't be put off. Even if you just read , don't tar all men with the same brush . I am not a twunt. Never will be. KOKO.

Blimey sometimes when I read what I have written even I am touched. Must find myself a publisher . Or a good woman . Prefer a good woman . I have lost one. So maybe it is time to find another one ?

Only time will tell. KOKO gang. Offline for a few days . Working abroad. Can't say too much. Spy work that sort of thing . My name is Man, Random Man ( as in Bond, James Bond ). Blimey I am only drinking coffee !

Night all . Or good morning if you are reading this on Monday morning.