HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 9

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her.
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married 22 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted last April on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 5 months which didn’t work as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He has now been given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court.

Link to last thread, which has links to all the previous threads here

Me pleased you've had a lovely day and you're feeling much happier. It is such a liberating feeling when you think "I'm not with him anymore and I'm pleased about it"

I've recently discovered gardening too. I planted a few plants over the years but just did bits really as I don't really know what I'm doing and I didn't get the time to concentrate on it. But I went and bought a load of plants a month or so ago and I'm really enjoying it. I still don't know much about it but I picked three strawberries today so I'm doing something right.

"Life is just sweet right now. I love it"

That's sad about the duvet wall. I used to like cuddling up with Sid until his hands started wandering every time so we didn't cuddle in bed that often in recent years and I did miss that.

No joint account to plunder here unfortunately, but I have started arranging to get some quotes for some of the house maintenance stuff that needs doing, thought it would be useful ammunition if he stays questioning the valuation and his equity share, I'll need to spend quite a bit in the coming years, which needs to be considered its not like the house is new or in perfect order. It'll help me to plan and prioritise as well.

I need to get the guttering, soffits etc. and some pointing done before winter if possible, but not before we've reached a settlement, no point adding to the value before I've paid him off. I went to do some decorating but no point till I've sorted out the few bits of damp.

Actually it was a bit more sinister than just pestering me which is why I'm so grateful to be free. Probably too messed up for any future relationship but no need to worry about that at the moment. Cat cuddles will do for me. There doesn't seem to be any middle ground with them does there, either a sex pest or none at all. Goodness knows why OWs think they're getting such a prize.

iwas Im a total newbie to gardening, I remember the first house i bought on my own had a really small garden that was totally paved with pebble edging (small patio type garden). I became the queen of planters back in the day and my garden was beautiful. Id go out every morning dead-heading flowers, making sure everything was watered and fed.

In the house H bought, he totally took over gardening duty and I never had a say. I had so many ideas and did a lot of research but ultimately I never felt the garden was mine so left him to it.

Our little rental place has a lovely established garden which is quite low maintenance but still needs to be looked after. I am getting there and enjoying learning about things, as I said earlier I have a lovely older lady neighbour who seems to like me and the girls and she has started to be really helpful.

Dinner on a lap tray is fabulous, I love having dinner round the table but dont think it is a necessary thing every night and we sometimes have "TV dinners" H would never have entertained that. In fact he always wanted all the Veg and potatoes etc put out on the table for Sunday dinner. Creating shit loads more washing up for the poor sod left with that job and it was never him

Yes the duvet thing killed me. The only affection shown to me at the latter stages of our relationship was the obligatory "goodbye" hug when he left for work every day. That was it.

It was just one more "brick in the wall" to quote Pink Floyd.

home cat cuddles are the bestest, most genuine and honest cuddles you will ever get. I love my two boys so much X

*planters - planter pots (sorry)

Dinner on a laptrayiwas, ya filthy animal! [shocked]
What's the world coming to?

It's so nice to do as you please isn't it? I totally agree, small pleasures but so lovely to experience looking after yourself first for once. Tbh, I don't really cook for my boys very much any more, they sort themselves out, and I live on wine and crisps,

Psssst... Don't mention the c word according
And for once I don't mean c**t...

Izzie I like those plastic storage boxes too. They had a special offer on at B&Q the other week - got three big ones with those clipable lids for £20. Well done to you and Hobbit on the shopping.

I'm in reflective, looking back and analysing marriage mood anyway, I started my thoughts on my thread the other day as I felt I needed to get it all out and I find it's helping me so my list is just a continuation of that really.

You'd get on with Sid actually runs off and hides before you bash me over the head with your storage box everything was bloody magnolia with him, indoors and outdoors.

He did snore a bit but not that loudly most of the time. He wasn't too bad with noises, he didn't revel in them anyway like some men do. He used to announce he was going for a "leak" though quite often, why???

Bobs pleased you consider it a lucky escape. I'm sorry I did roar laugh at your recollection of last time you DTD. Probably not one to tell the grandchildren!

Your 6 moths, I won't tell mention then that my posts last night were even worse as I use the preview thing. I think there were a few words I must have re-typed about 3 times before I got them right and I still got plenty wrong

Heybraving my love, we know someone who's handy around the place for a bit of DIY, remember this fella?

Wise hope you enjoyed your day in the end.

Home sorry you're having a very difficult weekend, it is hard with the house. It makes so much more sense for me to leave mine and get some distance with Sid but I've lived here for 26 years and I don't want to leave. It's my home.

Looks up "tidy teenager" in dictionary and it doesn't correspond with the description of mine!

I do like not having to wonder if Sid would get ideas when we went to bed, I'm very sorry it was more than just pestering in your case. Cat and dog cuddles are lovely. I totally agree with you about OWs - why would you want to be with a man you know is a serial cheat and a liar?

Like the piglets Izzie

I see his has a Dulux Value Pack.

Hobbit Unfortunately I do.

Hey bobs in honour of your first day as proprietor! I've opened that can of gin and pink grapefruit I bought a few threads ago. Rather nice. I'm slugging it back now

Hobbit you are putting me off my chocolate, and yes I know I haven't long had my dinner. I have something in common with Izzie's piglets!

He's got quite a large amount of blue/purple paint on his never nether regions!

That tattoo he has, can anyone work out what it says

Wey hey Iz enjoy just had dinner - on my laptray! Best purchase I made when moving into rental (no table) Truth be told I like being a slob and eating in front of the telly

When I finally get my own house pretty well everything will need buying except the TV...can't wait!

Urgh all that has put me right off sex. That's lucky then!

Me I am sure your garden will look lovely, I'm really enjoying it too. I did a bit this morning after I eventually got dressed and hope to do more tomorrow depending on the weather. It's nice being outdoors and when it's lovely weather and it's quite rewarding. It's great you've made friends with your elderly neighbour, I am sure she thinks you and your girls are lovely.

Yes Sid liked everything laid out on the table in separate bowls when I did a roast and agree all it did is create extra work! I did it about 4-5 years ago when we had my sister and her family up for Boxing Day dinner and he said he liked it done like that...

Hobbit it's lovely doing as you please. I like your five a day does chocolate count

Despite seemingly smug earlier post about being currently happy etc.. (Wasn't my intention was just an immediate genuine feeling at the time of posting)

I do realise that I am currently in the eye of the storm right now though, even though I have told Mr MG I'm out of this he still thinks there is a chance. I know there isn't.

I haven't tackled that one yet.

Bobs a toast to laptrays!

Are you doing an Izzie and doing the next thread as well as it fills up quick?

Izzie didn't realise he had a tattoo. I think it says "I [heart] Izzie"

Waiting for my favourite ever band on radio one big weekend right now (Foos)

And might be a bit pissed drunk

Ah Music, we haven't had any yet on this thread.

I did at least do a link to a different video

Me the hardest bit is working out how you feel and getting to the point of having no doubt about your own feelings and what you want or not. His feelings don't matter as he's a twunt

You're not smug neither, it was lovely reading your post

I do hope you're not going to lower the tone on this thread by being pissed !!!!