HOBBIT’S BAR – still finding it hard to move on…part 9

[bobs123]

Welcome to Hobbit’s Bar, owned by Hobbit, open to all and run by anyone who wants the job!

This is the place to come if your marriage/relationship has come to an end and you are struggling to come to terms with this. It is a place to vent, ask for advice, relate to others in the same situation, take a break and have a laugh, whatever.

There are people in this bar at all stages of separation – just separated, negotiating, mediation, court, divorced - and all reasons for this, whether it is abuse, general breakdown, financial worries, OW/OM involved, or coming to terms with a new life.

It is a place to come to for support. You are never obliged to give support to others or reply to any posts. It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles if you are having a tough time. No apology necessary. No one will have a go at you for what you are feeling and share on here. Divorce is a rollercoaster, we are all at different stages, so feel free to jump right in.

Some glossary terms:

1. Jess is our mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she might do requests if there are enough sausages in it for her.
2. Izzitinis are a revolting cocktail created by Izzie that only she drinks!
3. No 6’s are what we are/were married to, after Hobbit’s Twunts list. Some of us also have “pet” nicknames for our exes
4. KOKO – keep on keeping on (used a lot on here along with SHIT THIS IS HARD)
5. Ignore any exclamation marks posted by Izzie or Roz that might make their comments sounds a bit…dodgy. Something to do with their iPads having a mind of their own!
6. We all listen to WWK aka WellWhoKnew aka Mother who keeps us under control.

Our theme tune is

My name is bobs, 55, married 22 years, 2 DDs 21 & 18 who have NC with their Dad. Nisi granted last April on the basis of 2 year separation while living in the same house. Tried solicitors for over a year to sort out the financials, then mediation for 5 months which didn’t work as due to his PA nature he is all but supine and unable to contribute. Sold our family home over a year ago and have been living in rental as he had the house proceeds frozen. He has now been given a choice of accepting my proposal or going to arbitration or court.

Link to last thread, which has links to all the previous threads here

Where didya get my picture from wise?
Been stalking me on social media again?

Do you understand the pineapple thing now? Or do you just like dogs wearing fruit,
You are the queen of the funny pic....

2little He's lying, no one would condone his behaviour.

How many more marriages will just disintegrate because of these liars ? That is what they are . Simple. Try & change the facts . Doesn't change the fact they can lie. The trouble with lying is they forget what they have told , to who, when they said it & who else might have been listening.

When ExW left my friend said she will lie to justify her actions. God they are like robots . W*ers.

Anyway 1st June & the weather is awful here too . Off to bed . KOKO.

Beaten you to it, drifted been here since 8pm....
Might take to it permanently, like they did in times past....

Watching "Luther " on Netflix, Idris Elba, mmmmmm...
He's a total hottie....

He is a master at lying, even admitted a few weeks ago that he's lied to OW and she was not impressed. What did she expect? He had an affair fgs! Of course he lies. He's lied since I met him over big and small stuff, apparently that's all my fault too. He even spun the line that he's has honest as the day is long except around me - well that's a lie in itself!!

How do I tell 2.5 yr old dd in an age appropriate way that her daddy isn't coming when she asks if he is or wants him? I'm stumped and either say not today or distract her but I guess in order for her to start to detach I need to say something. What a wanker, who does this to a toddler?!

braving she then went on to say that that is a good thing as regarding asking for maintenance

According I don't see why he shouldn't get to see her for father's day off dd wants to go and it doesn't mess with your plans. As you say it's about the kids and a happy kid mean less stress for you

Wise rude or not your sol speaks the truth of course! Just as I have limited chance of getting anywhere near a decent nob...sorry, job (freudian slip )

TATTOO Addiction show on 4 - just seen a tattoo "Martin is a cunt" hahahaha..now there's an idea!

Yep, that one worked for me wise at mediation, after 27 years of looking after the children and only working part-time, having no private pension, spousal maintenance was totally on the cards for me, as it will be for you.

Goodo Hobbit you're younger a bit than me so if it worked for you...mind you, you had a more reasonable type of Twunt!

Reasonable schmeasonable, the man's a complete cunt
And I'm only a year younger than you bobsy , so tally-ho on to ripping him a new arsehole, the arsehole!

I was gonna get a tattoo, on my foot< not hairy>
Not " FF is a cunt" though, some cherry blossom.... Something pretty, to mark when it's all over...
Waddya think?

This is him exactly!!!

Quite like this one too...

Exactly, Hobs, I know what you mean. I'm apparently supposed to be grateful that he isn't like some men who will only pay half of the bills. Well he's not fucking grateful for me decorating all of the house.....oh wait, I remember now, it's given me a focus! Arseholes indeed

Great idea Hobbit I actually thought I should allow myself a small tattoo after I turned 50 - something pretty too

Yep, ha ha , I was supposed to get one last year, me and my friend went together, she got hers done, I didn't like the design, never went back,
She's never let me live it down.....

Yeah, your fella is definitely in the middle part of the Venn diagram bobs
What you gonna do ?

Checking out Karma quotes and came across this - quite relevant to us

What am I gonna do? Still waiting for sol to phone back while trying to sort stuff for potentially going to court - y'know, since his sol said that SF wasn't procrastinating in his latest efforts His sol was supposed to phone my sol today, having "chased" stuff up. Remember that question I asked you to find out for me? - well it's taken 6 weeks and counting so far!!!

Anyway, you know me - I like spreadsheets and all my needful info is sitting quietly in a folder on my desktop, waiting to just be updated and then spring into action

Good God it's midnight and I have only just had the chance to check in! How are you all this evening? Welcome to the new, I suspect, gent, hopefully you'll get lots of support and advice. Funny, the lies, isn't it? The thing is, they start their new "relationships" with lies, they have to, I have a whole list of those my husband tried to convince me were true to justify his affair and which he told OW :

We're like brother a sister now.
I never wanted a baby, he was a mistake.
She's cold.
She doesn't know how to give love.
She's a terrible cook this is true
We stopped having sex a long time ago that old chestnut, yawn, try a few days ago
I've never cheated before try I've forgotten when I didn't cheat
I realised I made a mistake marrying her after 2 years so you stayed for 14 and begged for the baby you didn't want
She does nothing she does everything with no help whatsoever

Oh I think I need to stop there, I could start a whole new thread! The thing is, they then have to continue with the lies and actually they become part of their entire existence so reality becomes blurred. I recall one day driving past ex (actually with WWK in the car), a few minutes later I texted him to remind him what time he was picking up DS. He texted back to say he might be late as he was in a town some 45 minutes away. So I texted HIM back to say "no you're not, I've just driven past you". To which he replied that he would collect DS at the time arranged. Why? Just why?

The lies that fucked me off the most :

I will always make sure you and the children are OK spend the next two years trying to ensure you end up homeless.

I will ensure you have proper financial support leave you on benefits

She never made any contribution to the household finances worked every fucking hour God sent while he sat on his arse "waiting" for work to come in

I think I am feeling a bit sensitive tonight. Another 7.30 pm bedtime that ran to 10.30 pm. Very unsettled little boy, finding all sorts of excuses to not sleep, lots of tears. Had speech and language therapist here today for one of her regular visits as part of the ASD course I am doing at the moment, she really noticed a difference in DS and his behaviour and I had to explain that the last two weeks had been difficult to say the least. That's got to be the understatement of the century. However, he had a good morning at school which was positive but has remained unsettled and clingy all day. 2 steps forward, 10 back. Thanks so much for all your support you utterly inadequate excuse for a parent.

On a happier note, we have block arranged contact via his solicitor until end of June which means I don't have to dread texts coming through and DD had a very successful history GCSE today.

Sorry, that was long!!