Affair Part 5 - fab phee kicks arse wearing her skinny jeans

[OpheliaRose]

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3 4

A month ago I discovered my Husband had been having an affair with a girl from his work. I thought it was one of the most painful moments of my life but the subsequent day where far more painful when the full extent of his betrayal was exposed to me and he has shown no remorse or sorrow over the loss of our marriage in fact he has left me for the OW

I have started divorce procedures on the grounds of adultery each day is proving a struggle but I am getting through it with the help of all of you.

All I want when this is over is for me and my Twins to be happy. We all deserve so much better than him

phee I'd never suffered from anxiety in my life before, even when I'd had cancer.
My reaction to my h affair was to develop severe anxiety, I remember my chewing gum disintegrated in my mouth once as my stomach acids were so strong from anxiety.
I once collapsed sobbing on the floor while unloading the dishwasher, my kids were like this
One day I went swimming feeling really anxious and ended up swimming about a million length at full pelt, I could hardly walk afterwards

I seem to still suffer anxiety if things are going wrong for me so it must have been triggered off.

I was a psych nurse and I do think you sound as if you are sinking into some depression, the mess take a while to kick in so the sooner the better really.

I often take half a sleeping tablet which just allows me to stay asleep a bit longer, herbal tablets are pretty good too.
You are not in a coma, more a restful sleep, if your dc wake up you will be fine, maybe a bit groggy but you can deal with them and the bonus is that you can drop back off easier afterwards.

Another tip is to take the tablet in the evening rather than as you settle to bed so that it's effects are less towards the early hours if the kids do wake up.
Sleep is paramount for you now I think and hunger will not help you get any so eat some porridge or banana before bed.

I'm sorry if I'm being bossy but I'm older than you so I can

Where are your mates phee, they help too.

Ophelia, I struggle with sleep, it's an ongoing battle for me. I understand your concern about taking them, especially with the twins in the house, but I think if you were given a low dosage sleeping tablet that you could plan to take when he/mother has the children and get a good 8/10 hours it will make a world of difference.

Continued sleep deprivation has a way of magnifying everything and makes me anxious, I am stuck in a horrid cycle of worrying/being anxious about not being able to sleep, then not sleeping, finally falling asleep at 3am, only to wake up early then I feel tired and anxious and the whole cycle keeps going until I take a sleeping tab to ensure I get at least one night in the week of solid 8/10 hour sleep.

I was a psych nurse and I do think you sound as if you are sinking into some depression, the mess take a while to kick in so the sooner the better really.

Ledkr I was thinking the same about depression.

I have recently discovered that taking one Night Nurse pill (not two) does the trick for me - still helps me sleep and does leave me groggy the way that a standard dose does.

does not leave me groggy…

Not bossy Ledkr i find your posts (and everyones) really informative.

I feel like i'm trying to take an exam in a subject i've never studied when i'm trying to understand how i feel and what i should be doing. I just end up googling things and scaring myself

I've been worried that i'm putting too much pressure on my close friends. I often just sit there and cry saying the same pathetic stuff over and over. I worry because my two closest friends both have lives and children so can;t be at my beck and call all day. they never say they don't have time but i'm keenly aware they work and have to manage their own children so are tired in the evenings so dont necessarily want to come comfort me or listen to the same few conversations again

Well, sounds like the focs is the right thing to do. Why shouldn't you feel better? So go.

You've every right and teadon to be upset, angry, confused and every other negative emotion under the sun. The difference it when there's a change in chemistry so that those understandable feelings take over and grow and take over.

DH went to the docs in Jan when he realised his bereavement took control of him. Best thing he did as he's feeling on more of an even keel and we're functioning better as a family again too

There's no exam phee because we all react differently.
I've seen two friends deal with this seemingly ok and another who was messed up for years.

I think the friend thing is tricky but why not be upfront and tell them that you are worried you are boring them but really need to talk and do they mind?

I couldn't be on my own so you are doing really well. I was desperate to have people with me I used to feel panic stricken when anyone got up to leave

I had a few single friends which was great, we used to get together at each other's houses for sleepovers with wine and stuff and the kids would stay too.

Support from friends doesn't always need to be in the form of deep conversations, simple company is helpful too but I guess if you are feeling low that is difficult.

I sort of mentioned it to my friend who told me I was being silly and she would do everything she can to help but i find myself checking to see if they've text back and if they haven't i start panicking that i've alienated them.

I was never like this before. I hate H so much for the way he's reduce me to a nervous self doubting un-trusting shell of a person but at the same time I wish he'd come home and all this could just be forgotten.

That's all party of it though phee your current state of mind and the massive rejection you have experienced has left you feeling worthless and untrusting.

I've supported friends through this and have never felt they were burdening me in any way.

Remember that the reason you are on thread number 5 is that lots of complete strangers want to support you so I'm sure your mates don't mind a bit.

I suffered with insomnia after a family loss, the only thing that worked for me was Asphalia, it's a natural sleep remedy. I didn't think they were working the first time I took them and just drifted away, I awoke feeling very refreshed, Phee id really recommend them

I might try those. Thanks.

Phee, if you can't sleep you should google anxiety, it's actually very interesting and makes sense, it's empowering to understand what is happening to you.

You're like this, thinking posters on another thread are referring to yours and imagining a slight when a friend doesn't reply because understandably you are depressed. You may not be so depressed as to take ADs, but need to talk things out. When you're are really down everything seems bleak and winning the lottery wouldn't even cheer you up. It's like being stuck and you need help to pull you up. We all need help over something in our lives, every one of us.
Please make an appointment with GP as that is your gateway to counselling. Ring GP tomorrow, please. We're all concerned for you.

Evening you!
What whitsernam said: you have a situation you have to cope with.

I had identical misgivings as you: didn't want anything on record in case XP got wind and could use it against me. I didn't want to feel dopey in case DCs needed me.i worried I wouldn't hear them.

Let me please say none of that is the case. I've said before I was offered, and took,citalopram for anxiety. It was calming and allowed some respite from buzzing thoughts(and constant crying)

I think once your sleep has been knocked out of kilter it normally takes meds to reset. NO SHAME!!! Ok Phee ?:)

There is no shame in having trusted your H. Trust is a default state in marriage. Don't turn on yourself.

Your friends won't feel that, but it is natural to have your self esteem wounded all round.

I think I type for all on this thread that we will stay and support for asking as you need. (As others were for me).

counselling is a very useful tool too.

And I do get, totally, the double awfulness of your misery his free happiness. And the damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't part of missing Dts when they with him and then the horridnessof when he puts himself first and not them.

Hope autocorrect has been kind to me (on iPhone).

Last thing m'dear; I pop the radio on .... Something like the news quiz ... As backtrack to fall asleep to.

Take care.

Hello love, can you get someone to stay in the spare room for a week in the nights? Your mum? Or can you pay a night nurse for a week so you can really sleep, or at least switch off from being "on duty"?

Sleep deprivation in itself can cause depression. I know for a fact that it is serious and needs recognition. Please see your gp, you need to gather strength. Your twins will be fine if you get help. If you don't, you will get ill, and then what?

Look after you. You are utterly important, Phee.

Going back to Ledkr mentioning depression and just for Phees information - there is reactive depression which happens as a result of things such as marriage breakdown or other huge factors in a persons life. It's what happened to after my mum died and after my situation started. And it's why I'm still on 10mgs daily. I'm not depressed anymore but I still get panic attacks in the middle of the night sometime so I'd rather take the medication.

And Phee, did I not message you and tell you the name of the poster who was wrongly being hinted at as being a troll?

Boots do some pulse point rollers that have a mix of essential oils to help you relax and sleep. There's one called 'This Works' which I've used before - might be worth a try? I slap it on my wrists and pillow and find it helps me relax enough to drop off when I'm struggling.

Phee, please don't feel ashamed about asking for and getting help from any source you can. Everyone who has posted above about going to the doctor, using anti-depressants or sleeping tablets, and getting counselling, as well as saying your friends will stay there for you and understand what you're going through, are all spot on. You need to help yourself so that you can look after your lovely children. What has happened to you is indeed like a bereavement, without even a terminal illness to get you accustomed to the idea of it happening, and you have every right to do everything you can and need to cope with it.
Where I am, I can't get hold of sleeping tablets or mild anti-depressants by just going to my GP and more than two years after my mother's death, I am still low grade depressed and sometimes bursting into tears at the slightest reminder. Just to tell you, take what crutches you need at the moment to help you through this ghastly time.
Good luck ringing the doc this morning and don't let a nosy receptionist intimidate you. Sorry if I'm sounding bossy, not meaning to, just wish I could do more to help.

Pick up the phone Phee, and call your Docs. That is your next move, ok?
Everyone here cares about you and words on a page are powerful - we can see that you need this kind of support. Now.

There is no shame in that. We all have our own stories of needing medical crutches along the way, and they're all successful.

You have sourced some incredible strength and resilience (even though you don't feel like that) from somewhere, you're resources are drained. Getting medical support will help top those resources back up.

your

Weebirdie I know you did PM me but I was actually named on that thread then another poster said they'd seen a post specifically hinting my thread was a made up mess. Anyway it doesn't matter

Thank you for all the advice stories encouragement and support. I've called the Dr and they offered me an appointment later this afternoon. I've told H he can pick twins up from my parents for tea. I gave him no details of where I'll be but it means I'm under no pressure to rush with the Dr.

Good for you for taking action, tis one of the things that makes you fabulous

Morning Ophelia, that's great that you've managed to get an appointment.

Where will he be dropping them off after dinner?