HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on ...part 8

[Izzie595]

Nobody understands the fully devastating impact of the ending of a marriage unless and until they experience it themselves

Welcome to Hobbit's Bar. Thread number 8.

The previous thread has been filled in less than a fortnight. Therefore, I've included below the post I did for Thread number 7. Links to all the threads in this series are below.
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This is the place where we meet to let it all out, to share experiences, to get support, and maybe give support if and when we feel able. And also to sometimes have a good laugh about things, because Hell, we've earned the right to laugh!

The bar is owned by Hobbit. She is adorable, kind, and bonkers. And lazy. So we take turns in running the bar for her ladyship.

I'm the latest proprietor of the bar. Izzie Age 54. Married 30 years. Two young adult sons living with me. Husband left to live with OW on Halloween last year. Very appropriate! No moves towards divorce or financial settlement at present. I started posting my own stuff on MN at the start of the year. Best thing I ever did. Well, I've had better successes in life, but you get my point, yes? I've been through the whole range of emotions, backwards, forwards, round and round: It's not a linear process by any means. And it does seem common to have a huge crash at 4 to 6 months in. Today I'm meh. Mostly.

There are a range of experiences in the Bar, generally at any one time. Examples: the early stages of separation; negotiating; legal matters; abuse in all forms; feeling stronger; having a major crash again; dealing with fuckwittery from the exes; financial worries; issues involving both young and adult children; moving towards the Mecca that is "meh". Basically, the whole works. Believe me, whatever you are currently experiencing, you are not alone.

My advice to any newbies: just jump in, but if you have the time and inclination, try reading all of the threads. You will see real women experiencing their bleakest moments, their progress, their dips, their innermost thoughts.

Rules of The Bar

1. Don't ask to join just come in
2. The phrase Party Pooper is banned. We may be having a good old giggle sometimes but someone in need must interrupt whatever is going on. We can't all be in sync, but someone in need ALWAYS takes priority
3. You are not obliged to give advice, reply to any posts, there are no expectations of you. Take what you want from the thread.

And just to ease you in, here are a few things you may wish to know:

1. An Izzietini is the bar drink.
2. A number 6 refers to rule number 6 in Hobbit's Twunts list. Reasons why they do things. Because they are....... Erm, no, the answer is not "misguided"
3. Mother, WellWhoKnew or WWK. Recently divorced, previous proprietor of the Bar and a legend of MN to those who followed her own threads. Also a legend on here for her straightforward advice. And keeps us in order.
4. Some of the posters also have their own threads. I hope they will do a link for you
5. There's a bad case of exclamationitis on here. Occurs when trying to put in a comma on ipad, but it auto corrects to an exclamation mark. So if you post and get a dodgy comment back, eg "Have you thought about counselling! sounds like you need help!".....please believe us that we are not sarky cows. Because the rule of exclamationitis is that we only spot it after we have posted!
6. Our sayings are "Shit, this is hard" and "KOKO", keep on keeping on
7. Our theme tune, to keep us going, is below

At the beginning of this year Fontella posted this on the first thread:

"Can I just say as more of a reader rather than a participant on this thread (I got shot of my lying, conniving, controlling ex 10 years ago) that this is fast turning into my favourite thread. Lots of powerful, courageous and funny (in a good way) women all coming together and supporting each other through an incredibly painful time. You are all fabulous!"

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Hi Fanny nice to meet you. I'm venereal.

Where is a like button when you need it?

Braving

Problem you got is doing that could spectacularly backfire - she kicks him out...and he moves back in!

I'd be sitting on that idea for a while yet...well until after the divorce is sorted out.

Then I'd be on the phone within an hour.

Unfortunately I don't have her name or address so I couldn't shop them if I wanted to, but her husband might.

I'll keep it to myself for now, but it might be a useful piece of information to throw in at some point.

If anyone contacts me I certainly won't be covering for him, I've already told the council and HMRC he's moved out.

'm Fanny Lumpyfoof ;)
I may have had wine smile

I've had wine too, can I be Flangelina Holie?

Hi Flangelina Nice to meet you too.

nice to meet you too, just call me flange my mum used to only call me flangelina when I was bad

Posted too soon, had a text and got discombobulated, how funny, love the word flange, always made me chuckle, my mum hates that word, which is prob WHY it makes me laugh, she hates the word todger as well we are super close, and she is Very broad minded but I always like to drop these words in every now and then

Ah I'm struggling to keep up with everyone else's posts on a rubbish iphone that is just about clinging to life.
I feel like I post then ignore, but I do read all your struggles, triumphs and the giggles and take them in.
Today twunt chops called, I didn't answer as we've no reason to talk we have split our savings, furniture cars etc and he has them every Sunday at the same time. He left a message seemed dispondant I hadn't answered, he said he wasn't sure why he'd called and would speak soon. I know it was only a call but it frustrates me that he can't go a week without contacting me when I struggled for a long time and now I can go weeks with only our drop offs as conversation.

Hi Venereal and Flangelina, I think I know your sister, Gonoria,

Yeah? You heard that she and her husband, Diarrhoea, are getting divorced?

She's thinking of reverting to her maiden name = Gonoria Gammidge.

Hobbit... Fanny Lumpyfoof ... that's priceless! Me thinks the wine is flowing tonight!

I'm Adamanta Gardner. Hobbit should you be getting royalties from this?

WWK just noticed the name change

I'm called Firiel Brockhouse.

In reply to those of you who have said about the exes attempting to whitewash their affairs to present to their families etc....as someone said to me, people know, they're not generally stupid, they will read between the lines. They won't say anything directly, but there will be a lot of speculating and talk behind their backs. And it's true, very few people will ever look kindly on a relationship built on the back of an affair.

And an important point for those watching their exes apparently sailing off into the sunset. We are paying the price now and are dealing with the fallout. We will recover and move on to better things, whatever that may be. They, on the other hand, are just taking all their baggage with them. Their day of reckoning is yet to come. And at that time, they will look back at their so called precious moments with their new so called loves and realise that this was the time that they banged the nails into their own coffin.

I've had a number of flashbacks this week for reasons beyond my control. It's the little things that reinforce the view that there is no going back.

Hobbit your foof is not nearly as lumpy as your ex's face with that mask on it!

Hello Izzie I asked Sid about that not long ago and some of OW's friends know the truth about their relationship but some of her other friends and her family have been told that we split up and then they started seeing each other afterwards. So they are ashamed enough to try and hide that they were having an affair that caused our marriage to be torn apart which suggests they knew it was wrong. But still did it even though they knew it was wrong. Surely it's harder to do something you know is wrong than to lie about it.

The weasel gets my girls for the first overnight stay next week and he's booked a bloody hotel.

I bet he's spinning a good line about me being the evil ex-wife to everybody...little do they know he started his affair while I was ill.

Their day of reckoning is yet to come. And at that time, they will look back at their so called precious moments with their new so called loves and realise that this was the time that they banged the nails into their own coffin. I hope so Izzie, I really do.

Gonna have an early night tonight as not very well.
Night night girls (and drifted). xx

WhyMe sorry you're not feeling well today sweetheart. Have a good sleep and hope there's an improvement tomorrow. x

Night night to all my lovely girls in the bar, < and random>
With love from your own dear Fanny,

Hope you feel better tomorrow WhyMe.

I hope so to Izzie that it's a pendulum...we swing back into Yeysville just as they head the other way.

No drinks at Chez WWK tonight as I've been wurking. I am now watching 'telly'.

why hope you feel better tomorrow

what yes this shit is all consuming. However there are moments of respite. It is good to get out and talk things over and get support IRL

My name is Goldilocks Gamgee