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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being over sensitive?

188 replies

TooFatToFuck · 08/05/2015 21:02

Yesterday I was verbally abused about my weight by 2 kids (both about 11/12 years old) as I walked home. Its was horrible, I was so embarrassed and upset. Today whilst walking home with my toddler the same 2 kids were pointing at me and then started to come towards us. I was scared and thought they were going to shout stuff at me or throw stones or something, but thankfully they passed us without incident.

Anyway, I told my DH about it today, how scared I felt and he just laughed Sad. I feel so shit. I was scared because I wouldn't have been able to do very much if they did throw stones at me or something. I don't want my toddler to witness me getting abuse.
I snapped at DH that I don't think its anything to laugh about but he hasn't apologised and thinks I just took his laughing the wrong way.

So, was I oversensitive about DH laughing?

OP posts:
maz210 · 08/05/2015 22:17

I put on four stone last year, you're not alone! Maybe we could be diet buddies? ??

I don't care about silly people who laugh at me, I'd be a lot more bothered about my husband not caring! You really deserve so much better than him.

Don't be scared of being alone, I suspect it will be better for your confidence than staying with someone unsupportive.

Do you know why you put the weight on? Do you think unhappiness with your relationship is a factor?

I eat for comfort, however I've got to stop, it actually just makes life more difficult for me in the long run. My eating is due to unhappiness with my condition, I'm recognising that is a step towards sorting it out lol

A funny thing happened to me the other day - a little friend of my son who I drive home from a club asked me what my husband looked like. I replied (truthfully) that he was big, scary looking and bald. He then asked me why I'd married him ?? I laughed and realised that he was big, bald and scary looking when I married him but I loved him anyway. I told my son's friend that I'd got quite fat since we got married but my husband still loved me.

I'm rambling but the point I'm trying to get at is that you deserve that feeling of being loved unconditionally too. Flowers

WizardOfToss · 08/05/2015 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TooFatToFuck · 08/05/2015 22:30

Thank you maz210
I know why I put on weight but if I wrote it down then mumsnet might explode with LTBs! Grin
I'm slowly losing weight and I'm getting sleeved in a few months so my weight should become manageable. I couldn't leave him, I love him and he really is nice usually.

OP posts:
glitteryflange · 08/05/2015 22:36

Your in denial. Both with DH and your weight.

Loose 18stone instantly by dumping his arse.

maz210 · 08/05/2015 22:38

He really isn't sounding nice to me at all. Sorry to be so blunt. I can't imagine my husband ever being so cruel to me as to say things like this. We're a team, we support each other and prop each other up. We help each other to be best the best we can if you know what I mean?

Original poster
TooFatToFuck · 08/05/2015 22:39

How am I in denial about me weight?Confused

OP posts:
maz210 · 08/05/2015 22:39

Duplicate the best in there but hopefully you get the gist.

Original poster
TooFatToFuck · 08/05/2015 22:48

I know what you mean. We do work well as a team and support each other. Its just the weight that's the problem, I don't think he realises how much it upsets me. Hopefully once I've lost the weight things will improve.

OP posts:
PurpleSwift · 08/05/2015 22:53

No, that's vile. At best he's been incredibly insensitive. It's was a cruel reaction. In fact judging from your last posts he seems really cruel.

Original poster
TooFatToFuck · 08/05/2015 23:10

I appreciate all the replies. I didn't think his behavior was as bad as some on this thread say, I will be thinking about it. Does he really sound that bad? Maybe its the way is wrote it? I'm sure most couples have said hurtful things to each other at some point.

OP posts:
glitteryflange · 08/05/2015 23:19

Putting on four stone in a year is not healthy.

Getting upset when you get abused for being overweight is not mentally healthy.

Refusing to not do anything about it - is unhealthy.

That goes for your marriage too.

SelfLoathing · 08/05/2015 23:20

Does he really sound that bad? Maybe its the way is wrote it?

Christ no it's not the way you wrote it.

There are three things about this that are really REALLY REALLY bad:

  1. That he said that to you to start with. It's cruel and vile and really designed to hurt. It is very nasty because it isn't just an attack on your weight it is also an attack on your self confidence and your desirability. He's saying you are SO fat I don't want you. It is true that educated people when fighting say cruel and mean things but the know what they do.
  1. It was on YOUR WEDDING NIGHT. If someone isn't into you, loving you and desiring you on your wedding night, there is a BIG problem.
  1. That you don't see how awful this is. It is terrible.
FeijoaSundae · 08/05/2015 23:27

I don't understand how you can say he is 'normally lovely', but then also say what you've said about him AND also say that if you told us the reason you've put on weight would cause a chorus of LTBs. Confused

These are massively contradictory things - and don't make him sound lovely at all. :(

He sounds awful. Absolutely awful. Not lovely.

My DH of 10 years never says hurtful things to me. And I don't to him, either. Why would we? I'm certain we're not alone.

You deserve much, much better than this 'man'.

Original poster
TooFatToFuck · 08/05/2015 23:28

But I am doing something about my weight ConfusedWhat's unhealthy about getting upset when you've just been verbally abused? I think its normal.

OP posts:
Adarajames · 08/05/2015 23:34

It's not the getting upset, of course that's quite a normal reaction, it's that he laughs about it and you don't see how cruel that is maybe that's not so good. How dare he be so Damned judgemental and cruel about you, and on your wedding night too, what a small minded petty subhuman he is! You deserve to be treated far better Flowers

Eminado · 08/05/2015 23:37

Glittery's post makes NO sense to me.

OP i am literally open mouthed at what your husband said to you. I think that is the most awful thing i've ever heard and i truly am devastated that you cant see it.

He sounds VILE.

Please dump him and change your user name.

Im so sad for you. He sounds like an utterly horrible man. Who says that to their partner? Shock on the night of their WEDDING!!!!

Onyxia · 09/05/2015 03:22

You know your weight is an issue and you are doing something about it. So many in your position are content to carry on gaining and living an unhealthy lifestyle.

BUT even if you were not looking to lose weight, you still don't deserve that kind of cruelty from your DP.

Perhaps you need to sit down together and talk about why he treats you this way. Maybe you can find out if it comes from a place of concern or if he is just a shallow, nasty bastard.

pnutter · 09/05/2015 05:02

Sorry but that is unforgivable. What a horrible thing to say to your WIFE! I can't even believe your username . OP you are a person with feelings. Get rid and give yourself a kinder username X actually really found your post upsetting you poor thing

Charlie97 · 09/05/2015 05:30

Overeating is often an emotional issue, I've no doubt that the treatment from your OH is at least partly causing that emotional issue.

Get rid, the rest will most likely fall into place once he's gone.

TRexingInAsda · 09/05/2015 08:44

I think of myself as reasonably robust, but if someone said something that nasty to me on my wedding night I don't think I'd ever stop crying - until I'd punched the the fuck out anyway. His reaction to you being upset by those nasty kids was really mean and shit. If he cares, and loves you, he should be acting like it - regardless of your weight, that's not relevant at all when it comes to how kindly he should treat you. x

Original poster
TooFatToFuck · 09/05/2015 09:49

Thanks for all the comments. I know what he said on the wedding night was horrid but he did say sorry and hasn't said anything like that again. The laughing yesterday did upset me but he wasn't really paying attention to what I said anyway so he probably didn't intend to upset me.
We had quite a hiccup a few months into our relationship which led to me gaining all this weight but I've worked through it and I'm feeling a lot better about it now. I don't want to leave him as I do love him but I just wish he would realise how much some things upset me.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 09/05/2015 10:01

What was the 'hiccup'v

pocketsaviour · 09/05/2015 10:23

Did this "hiccup" involve him tripping over and accidentally landing with his dick in someone else's fanny?

cedricsneer · 09/05/2015 10:36

Oh dear... Where to start. Glittery, read back through your post - it literally makes no sense.

Op, how awful for you to hear abuse on the street and feel so unsupported by your dh Sad. His comment on your wedding night is unspeakably awful. The fact that you are using it as your username is very sad and speaks volumes. You can't see the wood for the trees - you sound like you have internalised his bile and your self-esteem seems rock bottom. It's almost like you believe you deserve this abuseSad.

I also worry that you believe anything someone else does can cause you to gain 14 stone. I do agree that you need to take responsibility for the weight gain. Gastric sleeves don't treat the root cause of chronic eating disorders - sounds like you need some professional help for your mental health. I agree that you should ltb by the way.

Original poster
TooFatToFuck · 09/05/2015 10:59

Its hard to explain the hiccup. He, I, his housemate and house mates girlfriend went out one night. After returning to the house everyone ( apart from me) wanted to swap partners. My DH ( at the time he was my boyfriend) was kissing the other girl, going into other rooms feeling her up. His friend was attempting to try the same with me but I wouldn't allow it. This went on for a while, them all talking about having sex with each other, all trying to convince me to do it. Its was horrible, truly horrible. My DH begging me to let him do it and saying I should go with his housemate. I was so confused and heart broken that I ended up going to housemates room with him whilst my DH was fucking the other girl. I still didn't want to do anything but housemate kept trying to feel me up, trying to undress me, pestering me to have sex with him. In the end I just gave in, let him take my clothes off and he fucked me. Its was awful, I felt so numb throughout it all, I could actually hear my DH fucking in the next room. I shouldn't have gave in but they had been pestering me for hoursand I just couldn't think straight. I feel disgusting about it all. After that night the housemate would grope me all the time, if I went to the bathroom he would grab me on my way out. I kept telling him no but he took no notice. I woke up one night to find him in my room, trying to grope me. It was very scary. I told me DH but he wouldn't do anything about it, said he was scared of the housemate so didn't want to say anything on my behalf. This caused a lot of arguments and I decided to just say fuck it, I'm getting fat. I just didn't want any man to find me attractive. So I did. It seemed the only way to protect myself.
I know no one will understand why I didn't just dump him then, I'm not sure why I didn't either. I'm not depressed about it anymore, I want to be healthy and attractive again. We have spoken about what happened lots of times and I have forgiven him.

I'm sure that's all a jumble to read, its a jumble to think about tbh. Not really sure why I wrote it down here. Feels strange to see it in black and white.

OP posts: