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Original poster

Affair - Learning to Cope Part 4

984 replies

OpheliaRose · 07/05/2015 19:05

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3

I found out almost 3 weeks ago that my husband was having an affair with a girl from his work. Not only where they exchanging flirty messages but had also had blow jobs and sex at the office when confronted my Husband told me he had feelings for the OW and would be leaving me for her.

3 weeks on and the pain I feel is still unbearable, he has been spending time with OW and her child, wants to have our Twins EoW and is planning on introducing the Twins sooner rather than later as the OW will be a big part of his and their life. Heart broken doesn't even cover what I am currently feeling and experiencing

I have decided to file for divorce on grounds of adultery but as its currently stands will not be naming the OW. This is not an easy choice for me to make however I do not think it will make me feel any better because apart from the courts, me Husband and OW no one will know. They appear to feel no shame at their actions anyway so what good would it do.

I want to thank all you wonderful ladies for your continued support at this very hard time for me.

OP posts:
crapfatbanana · 08/05/2015 01:50

I am gobsmacked at the suggestion that you'd want to meet OW. I think your H must have a screw loose. Or she does. That is really not a normal way to behave. It is actually incredibly cruel of him to suggest that and he obviously has no regard for your feelings at all.

*
If you're unsure what clothes to buy, try a personal shopper. They will run around the shop and grab stuff for you to try, taking the hard work away. It saves time and stress. As a size 10 slim 30 year old, I think you could probably wear most things. Do you know what colours suit you and what your season is? Google it - there are consultants that charge a lot to do it but it's not hard to figure it out yourself. Just work out if your hair, eyes and skin are warm or cool, clear or soft. Then when you know your season you can find out the best colours for you.

Hold your head up high, Ophelia. You are a better woman than WF will ever be.

Phoenix0x0 · 08/05/2015 05:41

Hey, I am not a teenager late thirties and I wear skinny jeans!

I am the same size and height as you too ><

Like suggested, order online and try in the beauty of your own home!

What about a slim line trouser (lots of patterned ones in the shop) or a sixties mini (worn with tights/leggins)?

JugglingLife · 08/05/2015 06:12

Found you! Morning Phee, a bright new shiny day is here, time for a bright new shiny Phee. Go get those skinny jeans from Next today, the arse lifting, curve giving ones, I think you'll surprise yourself. Can also recommend the maybelline BB cream, just slap that on with some mascara until you can get yourself to a make up counter. Flowers

HoggleHoggle · 08/05/2015 06:47

Morning phee, just on the jeans discussion last night - I'm a similar height to you and struggle with trouser length. Have just bought some new skinny jeans and they're amazing! They're very stretchy so don't do that annoying baggy thing around the knees, especially useful when you're bending down with the dc all day. Here they are - super flattering and can really recommend them - m.marksandspencer.com/mt/www.marksandspencer.com/super-stretch-skinny-denim-jeans/p/p60063139

You should really treat yourself this weekend. I've had something of a style overhaul over the last few months - nothing major but my ds is a super active 16 month old and I was sick of feeling like I was just throwing on my old clothes which were no longer working. So I bought the skinny jeans above and have bought a few tops from gap, just loose t shirts really but teamed with some skinny jeans I feel really comfortable but also happy I've got a new look.

And I will be living in these sandals this summer they are so comfortable! www.clarks.co.uk/p/26108861

Please, please treat yourself this weekend. You deserve it and I think it will give you a little lift.

Mama1980 · 08/05/2015 07:43

Morning phee, just checking to see how you are this morning?

GERTI · 08/05/2015 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BalloonSlayer · 08/05/2015 08:10

God that email makes my blood boil! Angry

My temptation would be to reply:

ExH. We need to get some things straight. Any decision reached is because it is in the children's best interests, and for no other reason. The children have rights, the parents have responsibilities. One of the parental responsibilities is to protect them from confusion and distress that will be caused by any traumatic upheaval in their family situation. This is what I am trying to do, and I expect you as their father to be trying to do this too.
Decisions are not made because of my feelings, or yours, or WFs. They are made because of how the twins would feel. You need to understand this as it is the backbone of all the contact I will have with you for the next 15 years. Also, any decisions will be made my you and I as the twins' parents. Please do not tell me that you are not doing x, y or z because of a decision of WF's. Your new girlfriend of [officially] 3 weeks does not get to make decisions about our children. Needless to say, I have no intention of meeting her.

Christinayangstwistedsister · 08/05/2015 08:17

Hope today is a good one Phee

< off to join ww to try and get my fat arse into skinny jeans, if everyone else is doing it, I want a shot>

Dumdedumdedum · 08/05/2015 08:33

Wow, Ballonslayer. Just, YES, YESSS, YESSSS..

Ahem. Good morning, Phee Grin Just my usual check-in to lend support and say I hope you slept well and are feeling up to a shopping trip this morning! Being twice your age and size, I hardly feel qualified to comment about skinny jeans, but from what everyone has said, I'm sure you would look great in them and no-one will laugh at you about anything at all!

Like everyone else who has commented, I continue to be gobsmacked at your STBX's sheer gall. Like some who have commented, I rather think WF is horrified by what she has unleashed and has no intention of getting anywhere near the DT's for a while, but is wrapping it up in something else to obscure her intentions so that your STBX remains in thrall to her "perfection". My feeling is your STBX will be crawling back to you with his tail between his legs within a year, as I rather think WF never intended him to leave you, certainly not so soon, and she is unprepared for an adulterous fling in the stationery cupboard to turn into something so serious so quickly. Naturally, I could be far off the mark, but all you are hearing is what your STBX is telling you about her and I think the fact she doesn't want to participate in Sunday lunch (and meet your in-laws, remember!) is extremely telling in the circs.

Have as good a day as you can (she says, making no reference at all to the election results. Sad Oh no. Wink ). FlowersFlowersFlowersFlowersFlowersFlowers

HobartPaving · 08/05/2015 08:41

Please send balloonslayer's response.

And get those skinny jeans on!

Dumdedumdedum · 08/05/2015 08:41

Oops, I would just make a slight alteration to Balloonslayer's message:
"Also, as the twins' parents, you and I are the only two people who will be making decisions about them."

GERTI · 08/05/2015 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GERTI · 08/05/2015 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollyJollyDillydolly · 08/05/2015 08:49

Balloons email is brilliant, definitely keep all discussion via email. I am Shock that he would suggest you meet WF, why on earth would you want to do that, he's just a complete dick isn't he?!
You can definitely wear skinnys, you're younger and a smaller size than me. I wear the next night waist enhancer jeans, they're really comfy and disguise any muffin top (not that you probably have one of those)!

FriendofBill · 08/05/2015 08:51

Morning Ophelia.

Great response by balloon, but don't make any red to OW. Says it all without tarnishing your message.

Hope you and DT are ok today...

FriendofBill · 08/05/2015 08:53

Any ref to OW

Cherryapple1 · 08/05/2015 08:54

Excellent response from Balloonslayer, I totally agree you must send it.

And another yes to skinny jeans and very wingy eyeliner - you will look fab.

BathtimeFunkster · 08/05/2015 08:59

Another vote for Balloon's e-mail.

He's acting as though this is all about breaking up with one girl to go out with another.

A family has been ripped apart and he think his new girlfriend's opinions are relevant?

Is he just really stupid? Like actually a bit dim?

Dumdedumdedum · 08/05/2015 09:00

FriendofBill - you think? So not even dignify WF's suggestion that OpheliaRose meets her before the twins with a response? So it would read like this?

ExH. We need to get some things straight. Any decision reached is because it is in the children's best interests, and for no other reason. The children have rights, the parents have responsibilities. One of the parental responsibilities is to protect them from confusion and distress that will be caused by any traumatic upheaval in their family situation. This is what I am trying to do, and I expect you as their father to be trying to do this too.
Decisions are not made because of my feelings, or yours. They are made because of how the twins would feel. You need to understand this as it is the backbone of all the contact I will have with you for the next 15 years. Also, as the twins' parents, you and I are the only two people who will be making decisions about them.

Dumdedumdedum · 08/05/2015 09:04

Sorry to go on. Leave that last sentence out?

Rosieliveson · 08/05/2015 09:10

Great message balloon!

Phee, I am mid 30s and a size 18 and I still wear skinny jeans. I think they look good on 99% of people really. I agree a personal shopper is a good idea. Or just a good, honest friend and a changing room. Try everything and see what you like. I am like you. I have an 19 month DS a have barely thought about what I wear in a long time. Maybe I should get a wardrobe makeover too! Smile

Hope you have a good day today BrewThanks

Weebirdie · 08/05/2015 09:36

Ophelia, you can order a load of stuff online and try it on at home with your friend to hand then send back what you don't like. The courier will even come and collect it from your house and return it.

I like doing that, in fact I even do it from here in the ME. I order from John Lewis etc, have it all delivered by courier, then return what I dont want by post within the 28 days. Its better than a hot changing room any day and I can try things on with different shoes, get my girls to tell me if my bum really does look big in something, blah blah blah Smile

Dumdedumdedum · 08/05/2015 09:53

Apologies, digressing completely - Weebirdie - am in the ME too. Wondering if I know you from another forum under another name!

Weebirdie · 08/05/2015 09:54

LOL - more than likely Smile

There are a few of us here who have recognised each other.

Dumdedumdedum · 08/05/2015 10:03

Can't say I recognize anyone here, Weebirdie Grin Don't go into the Sandpit much.