Affair - Learning to Cope Part 4

[OpheliaRose]

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3

I found out almost 3 weeks ago that my husband was having an affair with a girl from his work. Not only where they exchanging flirty messages but had also had blow jobs and sex at the office when confronted my Husband told me he had feelings for the OW and would be leaving me for her.

3 weeks on and the pain I feel is still unbearable, he has been spending time with OW and her child, wants to have our Twins EoW and is planning on introducing the Twins sooner rather than later as the OW will be a big part of his and their life. Heart broken doesn't even cover what I am currently feeling and experiencing

I have decided to file for divorce on grounds of adultery but as its currently stands will not be naming the OW. This is not an easy choice for me to make however I do not think it will make me feel any better because apart from the courts, me Husband and OW no one will know. They appear to feel no shame at their actions anyway so what good would it do.

I want to thank all you wonderful ladies for your continued support at this very hard time for me.

Let him go and make a prick of himself with OW.
They will be disgusted.

oh ophelia I'm so sorry. what a fucking cunt.
He is actually going to take her as his date.
You need to find some energy and get angry. HE has told you how your YOUR life is going to be ! its time to claim it back !

If you were named in the invitation he has no business uninviting you and bringing some randomer as his "date".

He's going to piss a lot of people off carrying on that way.

Also, note that there was no need at all to even raise this now.

He enjoys rubbing this in your face.

God knows why... maybe it gives the whole thing some validity in his eyes.

'His' furniture? The bloody nerve of the man. So he wants to take your household items to set up home with the ow! I hope you're still keeping any door he has the key for locked and bolted when you go out.
I'd ask him to forward an inventory of which items of furniture he requires to your solicitor.
How noble of him to leave his children's bedding.
As for the wedding, have you already rsvpd as a couple? If so, I'd call up your friends and tell them a factual explanation of who his date will be and apologise for being unable to attend.

I think the bloke is emotionally stunted and he has no idea whatsoever about being a grown up. Him and Ophelia have been together from school and I believe he's operating at the level of the school boy from way back then. He's had no other experience.

I never thought it was possible to thoroughly despise someone I'd never met. His behaviour is beyond appalling. I think he must have a screw lose somewhere.
So sorry for you Ophelia, I think like everyone else has said have the bags ready to go. I wouldn't be letting him have any furniture, they're marital assets and I'm guessing he has no rights to remove them.

Something ironic about the pair of them waltzing off to a wedding together to watch someone else exchange the vows the pair of them had no respect for at all. Stay strong. I went through this two years ago..You will triumph. My ex husband is now a pathetic, miserable wreck filled with regret and stuck with the ow as he has no other option..You and the twins will flourish. I'm now a single parent of four and we've flourished as a family without him. It doesn't seem like it now but you will be much happier too. You've shown amazing strength and dignity. You deserve much better. The best revenge you can give this pair of idiots is to let them have each other. Their crappy life skills will catch up with them eventually.

"Tool box? - why don't you get WF to screw everything together in the stationery cupboard, it's what she's best at from what I gather."

Of course you would never sink so low as to say that.

I'd be tempted to message the wedding couple and tell them the whole story, BJS and all, ending with "This week H has uninvited me to your wedding and has told me he will be bringing WF as apparently you are more his friends than mine [his words]. That stings as I have always considered you both to be my close friends and didn't realise there was a grading system. Obviously there is nothing I can do about his decision but I want you to know I would dearly have loved to have seen you two get married, you're such a lovely couple, and I'll be so sad to miss it all and will be thinking of you. xx "

If that doesn't get them seeing him as the shit he is I don't know what will.

Yes to BalloonSlayer's message, although I'd try to do it verbally and include the sordid details. Before he gets in first with his sugar coated version of the end of your marriage and the emergence of WF.

Oh bloody hell Phee, that's just horrid. I know you feel shit right now but at some point you're going to get angry. I hope it's soon. Big hugs.

How shit of him. I'm so sorry about that. If I were you, I'd send a further RSVP to inform bride and groom that you are very sorry you can no longer attend but that he will be bringing the tart he's been having an affair with and has left his wife and children for. That should go down well!
Bedsides, I wouldn't be surprised if they don't make it to September. She's clearly not welcomed him into her life with the open arms he was expecting. just the legs
As for furniture, you are perfectly within your rights to state that all and any furniture remains a joint asset of the house for the time being.
Bag up the books and DVDs, you don't need them hanging around anyway!
I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. Have you sought any more RL help or advice?

Another yes to *BalloonSlayers" message.

Yet another yes to Balloon's message- I had been concocting my own ruder version to your H. I've been lurking since your discovery and don't think its possible to despise anyone more than I despise your h. What a vile, emotionally stunted c*

Good grief, he keeps sticking the knife in doesn't he! he is the "gift" that just keeps on giving.. wanker

If money was no object I'd be thinking of hiring a very handsome escort to attend with me (in dream land ofc, ignore me)

Anyway, September is a while away yet, who knows whats going to happen between now and then

Much love and hugs to you Ophelia you have really been dealt the shittest hand possible in life right now, you are amazing the way you are dealing with this, I cannot begin to explain how much I admire you.

Your babies will too, one day..remember that KOKO X

Sorry guys, but there's no way, I'd send a message like that to the wedding couple, you would be just letting yourself down and it really wouldn't be fair on them.

Ignore, Onmyownwithfourkids, I've seen your thread and you have been unbelievably strong.

Stay calm and everything will come to pass, you won't always feel like this, and neither will they!

I can't believe it! .
We need to tell Mumsnet that they have to create a DISGUSTED face! Just for him and her.
How low can you go It is abysmal!
Words fail me.
You know they say that ' a gentleman never offend unintentionally' well this anti-gentleman ex just keeps offending, and yet he is confident that he is being considerate and kind! Oh no they have no intention to offend! Why are we all so offended? Are we all insane ? Just a Sally Becow can make sense of their world and wishes she was in it!
These black bins as advised by Blessed get them now and start filling them.
This friend of yours who is getting married can you contact him?
How about contacting him and explaining him why you will not be able to go to his wedding (maybe something like: my H left me out of the blue - the day I discovered the affair- for a girl who give him BJ at work- he will bring her with him and suggested that I do not come to your wedding. So my apologies and Congratulations!)
Oh he is playing the good considerate dad- and doing all the decoration on his own- taking nothing off their room in your home! How kind ...of SATANIC of him! I hope he will nail his when he does the kids bedroom. (BTW do you think you would like that you and your mum and bro go and inspect the kids bedroom? So maybe tell him about this understandable wish!) How childish he is. How much pseudo-logic and twisted moral can he display! All what he and she say would have made sense in a human and normal world but they apply it in the most twisted and immoral and sinful relationship! It is frightening! Don't they say that Satan-she wears Prada and Satan-he speaks like a gentleman!
Their heart is a shiny bright empty tin in which they admire their shallow image! Their mind is an anorectic mind with very few clear cut axioms. (we divorce -we smile - we claim all around that we are Ok- we remain good friends with days just for us - we do blow job to married man- we are free from the fat cumbersome little middle-class morals..) I am afraid that there are so disconnected from the normal world that nothing can have an impact on them. Mad twisted and confusing world (mad in the sense of ugly - not in the sense of nice- )! Oh Ophelie! please do have faith! You are in much higher spheres than them. Imagine you meet this guy today and he tells you that he left his wife of 12 years and his two babie (twins) the day after she discovered his affair, and he 'outed' straight away his OW (who did him a BJ and who just divorced) and and what would you think of him? A SCUM yes that is what he became! Have faith you will slowly slowly thank god that you are not anymore married to this heartless narcissist and that you are free to re-start afresh your life with much more experienced and more strength and with so much dignity! I just speak and speak I wish I could be next to you and just hear you and just hug you! Hug your twins tight! They are yours UNCONDITIONALLY Try to eat and sleep a bit dear!

Meant ignore them!

He really is an unfeeling bar-steward isn't he?

Ref the wedding I would be gobsmacked, but in truth I've seen worse. At one wedding I attending the best man stood at the church alter and gave a (long-planned) reading about the sanctity of marriage whilst his very newly ex-wife, his child and his pregnant girlfriend (who was the OW and the reason for the split) sat in the pews.

The friends who knew the situation all sat open-mouthed at the audacity of him talking about love and loyalty so soon after breaking up his own marriage in such a dispicable way; I still don't understand why the Bride & Groom didn't tell him not to bother.

Some people truly have no shame, but I do back Balloonslayer's idea of emailing the couple, as the invitation named you they definitely deserve to know the reasons why you won't be attending (if they have any sort of decency they'll tell your ex that WF isn't welcome).

agree with bjrce too, stay dignified.

I haven't responded to the wedding but in reality I wasn't planning on going anyway now we've split up I couldn't think of anything worse than being stuck at a wedding with my ex husband with everyone around us know bing we were divorcing but still I take great exception to the idea he'll be parading her around in front of a load of friends.

I don't know what's behind this "friendly" attitude. I can't tell if he's deluded enough to think we dan be friends and the OWnis pushing him towards it as she is friends with her ex so obviously supports that approach or if he's totally lost his mind. He's talking and acting like we're two people who decided we no longer loved each other like that so can stay "best friends" he seems to have forgotten he lied and cheated ripped my heart out and stomped all over it

It's easiest for him if you 'comply' Phee and he's lost his fucking mind. What do you think he would say about you right now? Is he picking up messages that aren't there?

You are so well shot of this idiot!