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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Affair - Learning to Cope Part 4

984 replies

OpheliaRose · 07/05/2015 19:05

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3

I found out almost 3 weeks ago that my husband was having an affair with a girl from his work. Not only where they exchanging flirty messages but had also had blow jobs and sex at the office when confronted my Husband told me he had feelings for the OW and would be leaving me for her.

3 weeks on and the pain I feel is still unbearable, he has been spending time with OW and her child, wants to have our Twins EoW and is planning on introducing the Twins sooner rather than later as the OW will be a big part of his and their life. Heart broken doesn't even cover what I am currently feeling and experiencing

I have decided to file for divorce on grounds of adultery but as its currently stands will not be naming the OW. This is not an easy choice for me to make however I do not think it will make me feel any better because apart from the courts, me Husband and OW no one will know. They appear to feel no shame at their actions anyway so what good would it do.

I want to thank all you wonderful ladies for your continued support at this very hard time for me.

OP posts:

Jackw · 09/05/2015 22:38

Your brother sounds like a diamond. Nice if it works out with your friend. I think your H is trying to be kind which is a bit of a mixed blessing for you. Better than when he was sending you stroppy texts etc but then really hard for you to deal with. I think you are right to move back to non contact. You tried to do contact today but it was too painful so absolutely right to protect yourself.

Original poster

OpheliaRose · 09/05/2015 22:42

jack I think your right with the being kind but I think that stems from his delusion that like with the OW and her ex we can just be friends and all play happy familys!

I don't want that at all! He lied and cheated tore our family apart and broke my heart no way will
I ever want to be friends. His kindness is almost as cruel as his stroppy text

OP posts:

LittleMouseontheDairy · 09/05/2015 22:44

You did so well today. As people wiser than me have said - it's all baby steps now. But baby steps are important - that's not denigrating them. You saw your ex. You've coped brilliantly both with that and your brief time apart from the twins.

You rock so much and right now you don't realise it. But we all do and that's why we're here cheering you on.

MilesHuntsWig · 09/05/2015 22:52

Well done Phee I bet you looked fab, you've been astonishing today. You can and will carve out an amazing new life for yourself. You really are doing amazingly well.

FriendofBill · 09/05/2015 23:00

I wouldn't reply unless it's absolutely necessary, changes to plan or welfare of DT's.

Don't get drawn into conversation with him, he will step on you again when he wants his own way.
Don't give him the chance.

Well done on getting through the day.

Goodnight.

FriendofBill · 09/05/2015 23:01

Ooh, that was abrupt!

I mean, wishing you a restful night, hope you sleep well.

Big love xxx

AbitSceptical · 09/05/2015 23:24

Glad you had an ok day. Your outfit sounds great - just right.

Whatever his motive in sending the text, at least you know that the twins are safe.

Hope tomorrow goes ok - it will be lovely when they're back with you again.

HollyCarrot · 09/05/2015 23:42

phee! You're doing great ! (Hugs)

Charley50 · 10/05/2015 00:23

I'm a bit tipsy. You don't have to wear high heels to look or feel good.
Hugs to you Ophelia.

laurierf · 10/05/2015 00:45

black skinny jeans a nice top and some nude ballet flats tonight with a deep blue blazer on top

Sounds very chic and, given the fact you have just handled this whole thing with such class, just right! So glad your DB, friend and parents are looking after you.

Hope you manage to do one thing tomorrow that is about and for you … even if it's just enjoying a long lie in xx

Vivacia · 10/05/2015 06:58

Well done Phee. I'd avoid any communication that isn't necessary for the children's well being. That includes at handover. I'm glad your brother will be there today.

AndyWarholsOrange · 10/05/2015 07:20

Morning Phee Hope you're having a well deserved lie in x

Jengnr · 10/05/2015 07:49

Well done, you are handling this so well in the face of utter cuntery from him.

Next time he starts about the twins meeting her point out to him (in writing) that if she is going to be a permanent fixture in his life waiting six months for the sake of the twins is neither here nor there for him and WF but is a very big deal to them. If that doesn't work he is showing you (more than he has already) that his wants come before the children's needs and, if I were you, I wouldn't be shy of pointing that out.

dangerrabbit · 10/05/2015 08:38

Well done Ophelia

You are coping fantastically well

Just ignore any chatty messages he sends and his attempts make it appear like a normal situation to salve his conscience

What a dick he is

Dumdedumdedum · 10/05/2015 09:06

Hi, Phee, hope you got some sleep last night. Congratulations on everything you accomplished yesterday, you are just so impressive. Like others, I could feel your pain at the hand-over emanating from the page. It's really good your lovely brother will be there to support you when they return this afternoon.

I am so, so, sorry for all this pain you are having to go through, none of which is your fault. Just keep breathing. And please, please, get angry!

{{{{{Virtual hugs}}}}}

Aranan · 10/05/2015 10:17

Morning Ophelia! I hope you managed to get some sleep to at least get something out of this weekend.

Jengnr's post is spot on, keep it in mind as a very reasonable response should WF meeting come up again.

Just wanted to send another message of support so you know that even us less frequent posters are here for you. I hope that knowing you have the support of so many makes this horrible time a smidgen less horrible, if that is possible. Continue to talk, rant, scream, or completely ignore us all. Whatever helps.

GERTI · 10/05/2015 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NaiceNickname · 10/05/2015 13:54

Hope the image attatches, saw it and thought of you. Hope you're feeling a bit stronger than yesterday x

Shuang · 10/05/2015 15:33

Ophelia not sure if I ever commented on your threads but wanted to say that we are all here for you and thinking of you for the handover this evening. My heart is broken for you but also believe your pain at the moment will be for a better reason in the future. Sending lots of positive vibes your way.
Your skinny jeans outfit sounds really stylish (and effortlessly so) by the way :-)

parsnipbob · 10/05/2015 15:52

Just checking in Ophelia. Sending you love and strength.

Mama1980 · 10/05/2015 17:01

Checking in to see how you are doing?
Your brother sounds great. I hope the weekend has been as ok as it can have been x

BalloonSlayer · 10/05/2015 17:58

Hope your two little chicks are are now safely back under your wing.

TakemeforwhatIam · 10/05/2015 18:55

Been thinking of you today, i imagine that you have your twins back now and are enjoying some mummy time. Hope you're ok today.

Original poster

OpheliaRose · 10/05/2015 18:58

Twins are home. They where every pleased to see me and obviously enjoyed seeing their daddy but I could tell they where glad to be back home with me.

H didn't say much when he brought them back as DB was here. Just yeh basic as that they'd had lotsnofnfun slept well and eaten well today. He said he'd be in contact later on about what night he could have them for tea this week.

I've found it incredibly incredibly hard this weekend. I honestly don't know how I'll get through doing this every other weekend it seemed so so unfair that because he's a selfish cheating bastard I now have to spend every other weekend without my children. It's heartbreaking

OP posts:

Justusemyname · 10/05/2015 19:04

It really is so unfair. You've done nothing wrong. Your babies have done nothing wrong but you are both missing out on time together.

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