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Original poster

BF looking for gym and it really upset me.

256 replies

Mumtoonedarling · 06/05/2015 22:38

Hi. First time starting a topic here and I just wanted to know if I was being reasonable.

My BF is looking for a new gym to belong to as his current place has instigated some rules that make it impossible for him to train how he chooses to - he was an avid Crossfitter before we had our child but stopped due to us being on a single income and the time it involved.

He gets up at 4am every morning to train at a 24hr gym. It's about a 30min drive from where we live. He trains, showers and eats to be at work for 7am. He works from 7am to 5pm. Get home around 5:30pm to 6pm. Cooks dinner, bathes our child and puts her down at night as he is the best at settling her. He tried training at night but this upset me as I felt he was spending too much time away from us as it was.

Anyway, his current gym has changed the rules so he now can't train how he wants to and he has been looking at somewhere else to train that ticks all the boxes. He stumbled across one gym that could have potentially been suitable and spoke to me about it and I told him that that is where I wanted to train. The gym didn't have what he was looking for he said. The gym is owned by an old friend of mine and when he told me that he went in to have a look I was upset because that's where I wanted to train if I could.

Obviously being upset he asked me what a wrong and I told him. He said that he didn't think I was being serious when I told him that I didn't want him to train there and that he thinks its unreasonable for me to not want him to train there just because I want to but can't. He does pay for my gym membership which is local to us, has a creche and very good facilities and if I want to go to the gym after he gets home from work he is fine with that.

I just wanted to know if my reaction was reasonable. He was so wound up last night half angry half sad - his words - that after he cooked dinner and put our toddler down he went straight to bed. I've never seen him like this and wanted to know if I was being completely out of line.

OP posts:
DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 06/05/2015 22:57

he thinks its unreasonable for me to not want him to train there just because I want to but can't

Unless I've massively misunderstood something then he's right isn't he?

Original poster
Mumtoonedarling · 06/05/2015 22:58

Sport/Training is/was a big part of his life before our daughter was born. I like the gym but I only do it to stay healthy. It's a hobby/sport for him but he dropped it when I told him that we could save more money and spend more time together.

I can't stand sport so we never watch it when we're together. He tells me that we can watch/do what I want as long as it makes me happy.

OP posts:
thebeesankles · 06/05/2015 22:58

Is this a reverse thread? I can't work out why you are spelling out how much he does to accommodate you and yet being petty about which gym he uses if not? Confused

HubertCumberdale · 06/05/2015 22:58

If you are actually just upset because he might train at a gym you'd like to train at, but you can't because it's too far away and doesn't have a creche... then yes yabu. And completely bonkers.

RitaCrudgington · 06/05/2015 22:59

I'm so baffled by this that I'm imagining that "training at the gym" is a euphemism for something.

But clearly you're being wildly unreasonably if you're objecting to your DP doing something that you'd like to do but can't although his actions have nothing to do with the reasons why you can't have your choice.

evelynj · 06/05/2015 22:59

YABU. Have a lie in and eat some biscuits in bed for breakfast instead ;)

Kewcumber · 06/05/2015 23:00

So this gym is convenient to him (being near his work) but inconvenient to you as its 30 mins from home. And if you can't have it then you don;t think he should have it either? Confused

And he's offered for you to go out to the gym in the evening but you won't let him go in the evening?

And he's agreed to move as you wanted to so that you are now round the corner to your family and an hour away from his?

Have I got that all right?

You want him to go to a gym which is less convenient and take more time out of his ridiculous schedule because you resent him going when you can't?

Jesus being a single parent and not having this is way easier.

Lweji · 06/05/2015 23:00

I'm not surprised at his reaction.
He found a gym that he can train as he wants, but you don't want him to because you'd like to train there too, but it's too far and you have to train at a local gym?

he thinks its unreasonable for me to not want him to train there just because I want to but can't.
He is right.
Go and apologise to him.

Reginafalangie · 06/05/2015 23:01

I see the reality check didn't work........

Kewcumber · 06/05/2015 23:01

He tells me that we can watch/do what I want as long as it makes me happy. the bastard - he obviously doesn't mean it as he's trying to steal your gym.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 06/05/2015 23:02

when does he sleep!!

you are being totally unreasonable and maybe even a bit controlling. everything you have said makes him seem like the one that is willing to compromise and he is hands on in the house and with your baby.

he is out of the house 14 hours and is choosing a gym that means he doesn't increase that?

How old is your baby? I understand the 'feeling trapped by childcare' but if he gets home at 6pm you have the whole evening to gym, go out, spend time with him etc

Kewcumber · 06/05/2015 23:02

Is this a reverse [suspicious]

It is isn't it?

Reginafalangie · 06/05/2015 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Icimoi · 06/05/2015 23:02

I'm with your BF all the way - it really is unreasonable for you to object to him going to a convenient gym just because you can't go there - especially when he has paid for you to go to one convenient to you that has, on your own admission, very good facilities.

Pollyswall · 06/05/2015 23:03

Do you think we could clone this amazing man, I want one.

poocatcherchampion · 06/05/2015 23:04

Is he my ex?
The key question being: after this insanely early start - does he fry up dry mince for his breakfast? mmmmm aroma memory

RJnomore · 06/05/2015 23:04

I am COMPLETELY baffled as to what your issue is but surely the point of crossfit is that you were in and out in about 40 minutes and didn't have to spend two hours training?

Branleuse · 06/05/2015 23:05

im so confused. Why cant he just go to the gym that he wants to go to.??

IWantDogger · 06/05/2015 23:05

Have you heard of 'dog in the manger'? Surely this is what this is - you can't have something so you don't want him to have it either. I can see why he's annoyed tbh. Sounds like you're basically jealous with us never an attractive quality. Unless I've missed something here....

Icimoi · 06/05/2015 23:07

I like the gym but I only do it to stay healthy

So you're not even that bothered about going to the gym anyway? I'm even more baffled as to why you're so invested in one particular gym over and above the very good one you already attend.

Also wondering about a reverse here.

Original poster
Mumtoonedarling · 06/05/2015 23:11

I'm upset because he gets to spend time with my friends and I can't. His life hasn't changed in any meaningful way but mine has. I can't be the only one that thinks like this?!

OP posts:
pictish · 06/05/2015 23:13

This is absurd.
You want him to bypass the convenient gym because you're envious of him being able to go to it when you can't? You actually expect him to comply with this?
It is not an appropriate or adult stipulation. It's a nonsense request.

pictish · 06/05/2015 23:15

He's going there to train madly. Your friend owns it and will not be there at 5am. They are not going to be putting the world to rights over cocktails of a day.
In other news, you are blowing my mind.

CarnivalBearSetFree · 06/05/2015 23:17

But why can't you? He looks after your DC when you go to the gym so you could train there too. Unless you don't drive?

His life hasn't changed? Sounds like he's very considerate of your needs to me and doesn't shy away from his parental duties.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 06/05/2015 23:20

how old is baby? are you on maternity leave? it seems it is the 'working hours' of the day that you have changed

I know how you feel! DH works long hours and will sometimes call to say he is going for a quick drink after work. It pisses me off because if i want to go out i have to get him to come home early or arrange a babysitter so nothing spontaneous!

And his life has changed too - he has reduced his training and comes home to make dinner and put your baby to bed.