HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on ...part 7

[Izzie595]

Nobody understands the fully devastating impact of the ending of a marriage unless and until they experience it themselves.

Welcome to Hobbit's Bar. Thread number 7.

This is the place where we meet to let it all out, to share experiences, to get support, and maybe give support if and when we feel able. And also to sometimes have a good laugh about things, because Hell, we've earned the right to laugh!

The bar is owned by Hobbit. She is adorable, kind, and bonkers. And lazy. So we take turns in running the bar for her ladyship.

I'm the latest proprietor of the bar. Izzie Age 54. Married 30 years. Two young adult sons living with me. Husband left to live with OW on Halloween last year. Very appropriate! No moves towards divorce or financial settlement at present. I started posting my own stuff on MN at the start of the year. Best thing I ever did. Well, I've had better successes in life, but you get my point, yes? I've been through the whole range of emotions, backwards, forwards, round and round: it's not a linear process by any means. And it does seem common to have a huge crash at 4 to 6 months on. Today I'm meh. Mostly.

There are a range of experiences in the Bar, generally at any one time. Examples: the early stages of separation; negotiating; legal matters; abuse in all forms; feeling stronger; having a major crash again; dealing with fuckwittery from the exes; financial worries; issues involving both young and adult children; moving towards the Mecca that is "meh". Basically, the whole works. Believe me, whatever you are currently experiencing, you are not alone.

My advice to any newbies: just jump in, but if you have the time and inclination, try reading all of the threads. You will see real women experiencing their bleakest moments, their progress, their dips, their innermost thoughts.

Rules of The Bar

1. Don't ask to join just come in.
2. The phrase Party Pooper is banned. We may be having a good old giggle sometimes but someone in need must interrupt whatever is going on. We can't all be in sync, but someone in need ALWAYS takes priority.
3. You are not obliged to give advice, reply to any posts, there are no expectations of you. Take what you want from the thread.

And just to ease you in, here are a few things you may wish to know:

1. An Izzietini is the bar drink.
2. A number 6 refers to rule number 6 in Hobbit's Twunts list. Reasons why they do things. Because they are....... erm, no, the answer is not "misguided".
3. Mother, WellWhoKnew or WWK. Recently divorced, previous proprietor of the Bar and a legend of MN to those who followed her own threads. Also a legend on here for her straightforward advice. And keeps us in order.
4. Some of the posters also have their own threads. I hope they will do a link for you.
5. There's a bad case of exclamationitis on here. Occurs when trying to put in a comma on ipad, but it auto corrects to an exclamation mark. So if you post and get a dodgy comment back, eg "Have you thought about counselling! sounds like you need help!".....please believe us that we are not sarky cows. Because the rule of exclamationitis is that we only spot it after we have posted!
6. Our sayings are Shit, this is hard and KOKO, keep on keeping on.
7. Our theme tune to keep us going, is below.
8. Jess is our sausage snuffling mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she pops up every now and again to entertain us and to dispense her own brand of advice. She says it as it is. She is currently busy knitting herself some new hats.

At the start of the year Fontella posted this on the first thread:

"Can I just say as more of a reader rather than a participant on this thread (I got shot of my lying, conniving, controlling ex 10 years ago) that this is fast turning into my favourite thread. Lots of powerful, courageous and funny (in a good way) women all coming together and supporting each other through an incredibly painful time. You are all fabulous!"

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

izzie that sounds perfect

izzie.. from what I've heard about her more like Aldi

hmmmm.... knob rot...damn I've already named him weasel.

Bobs I'm sorry your ex still hasn't grasped the concept of mediation.

Toast I think with what their dad did it's perfectly understandable that your DC's don't like seeing him too much. Make it clear that you won't take him back if they are worried about it. x

According the kittens are doing really well thanks and they are both right characters and I love them to bits. How is your new boy doing. x

WhyMe you did have some bad omens with your wedding didn't you

Frizzy their feelings are the most important, it doesn't matter if he has done this, it's all about him.

Izzie thanks for the TMI I now have a horrible mental image Sid had knob rot shame he got rid of it I need a number 3 - can't vote!

WhyMe instead of an Audi about an old banger!

iwas you can't vote! So you are either a prisoner or mentally deficient and you ain't a prisoner

why but I'm sure given the choice you would rather he got knob rot than you called him that

why not Aldi. Posh people like bobs go there. She will have to be called food bank. Very fitting, other people's leftovers, and nobody would pay

Ooh actually maybe I could claim food bank for the Weirdo Wendy

Drifted PMd you. Nobody else cares now they know you don't have a hot tub.....

Reasons he would give for divorcing me

1. Smoking
2. Being short
3. Smoking
4. Swearing a bit
5. Calling him a hypocrite when he swears
6. Making him feel too superior because he doesn't smoke

Izzie off to hottubworld.com Now to get one. You're first in . The rest can form a queue.

For those having a shit day , tomorrow is likely to be a better one. That is how I look at it. Then more good hours than bad ones. The only way is up & sometimes like snakes & ladders we have a slide down but move on again .

That is my last ranting analogy (?) for the day .

KOKO gang . xxx.

Get in there Sting! And we will always have Rhyl. Oops, have I said too much

iwas...I did have lots of bad omens didn't I.
Yep...old banger is right...probably lots of owners and everything is a bit loose.
I can only hope he gets knob rot...I 've wished he gets all sorts of things before.

Whoops. sorry Izzie hope I haven't upset anybody by comparing that old slapper/slag/bitch with a popular supermarket (there are others available).
Like it...other peoples leftovers and nobody would pay...

Had a workman round today and his wife left him for someone else...yep his wife was a police officer. It's a bloody epidemic.

probably lots of owners and everything is a bit loose hahahahahahahahhahahaha

Which reminds me, going to have another watch of the singing cop now

drifted....you could put your hot tub in my log cabin...ooo eeerrrr....didn't mean it like that. Well once I move his bloody gym that he never used...he put it up and part of it still has the plastic on it.

I suppose if things got too tight me and the girls could move into the log cabin and I could rent the house out...only joking!

By the way...I paid for the cabin as well...£10,000 !

Evening all. A quick scan through. A tricky day for some but some feistiness too. Good to see. izzie HRT's bday is June. I've got a new quote from him. He called his plans for his new life without his family his 'grand folly!!' I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! I like your list of reasons he'd give for divorcing you izzie. HRT has actually accused me of 'being too intelligent.' He doesn't want to be with someone who 'questions things.' I'm 'too intense' apparently but when I say I'll probably not vote then I'm yes a 'fucking disgrace.' I could go on and on and on. Tosser. Anyway, I can't believe the time again. Will catch up some more tomorrow. Sleep tight all xx

Ooh I've always fancied a log cabin.

1 could I go off with HRT, because he could give me a laugh spouting all his stuff, then go off to cut the grass. I will return when I have enough quotes for a book. Maybe a fortnight

Grand folly

Another way of saying "big cock up" !

'Grand folly'...is he for real!

Green suits you izzie.

I suppose if things got too tight me and the girls could move into the log cabin

WWK would have jumped at the chance. All she got offered was a caravan

Grand folly? I'm not sure whether I'd laugh or cry at that.

Have finally finished my form E and decided I obviously can't afford to keep my children as they cost far too much! Joking of course but it's shocking when it's all added up.

I suppose I ought to go to bed now. That's what my body is saying. My head rarely listens. Ooh like my marriage all over again

Night all, KOKO

iwas wash the glasses please

Actually if Sid hadn't had knob rot I would never have gone out with him let alone married him because he would still have been married to his first wife.

WhyMe your loose comment was funny.

Reasons Sid might have given for divorcing me:

1. Lack of sex
2. I "nag"
3. I go on a bit and talk too much
4. I'm not very feminine e.g. I'm always in trousers and don't dress up for him
5. I'm not very exciting
6. I put the children ahead of him