HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on ...part 7

[Izzie595]

Nobody understands the fully devastating impact of the ending of a marriage unless and until they experience it themselves.

Welcome to Hobbit's Bar. Thread number 7.

This is the place where we meet to let it all out, to share experiences, to get support, and maybe give support if and when we feel able. And also to sometimes have a good laugh about things, because Hell, we've earned the right to laugh!

The bar is owned by Hobbit. She is adorable, kind, and bonkers. And lazy. So we take turns in running the bar for her ladyship.

I'm the latest proprietor of the bar. Izzie Age 54. Married 30 years. Two young adult sons living with me. Husband left to live with OW on Halloween last year. Very appropriate! No moves towards divorce or financial settlement at present. I started posting my own stuff on MN at the start of the year. Best thing I ever did. Well, I've had better successes in life, but you get my point, yes? I've been through the whole range of emotions, backwards, forwards, round and round: it's not a linear process by any means. And it does seem common to have a huge crash at 4 to 6 months on. Today I'm meh. Mostly.

There are a range of experiences in the Bar, generally at any one time. Examples: the early stages of separation; negotiating; legal matters; abuse in all forms; feeling stronger; having a major crash again; dealing with fuckwittery from the exes; financial worries; issues involving both young and adult children; moving towards the Mecca that is "meh". Basically, the whole works. Believe me, whatever you are currently experiencing, you are not alone.

My advice to any newbies: just jump in, but if you have the time and inclination, try reading all of the threads. You will see real women experiencing their bleakest moments, their progress, their dips, their innermost thoughts.

Rules of The Bar

1. Don't ask to join just come in.
2. The phrase Party Pooper is banned. We may be having a good old giggle sometimes but someone in need must interrupt whatever is going on. We can't all be in sync, but someone in need ALWAYS takes priority.
3. You are not obliged to give advice, reply to any posts, there are no expectations of you. Take what you want from the thread.

And just to ease you in, here are a few things you may wish to know:

1. An Izzietini is the bar drink.
2. A number 6 refers to rule number 6 in Hobbit's Twunts list. Reasons why they do things. Because they are....... erm, no, the answer is not "misguided".
3. Mother, WellWhoKnew or WWK. Recently divorced, previous proprietor of the Bar and a legend of MN to those who followed her own threads. Also a legend on here for her straightforward advice. And keeps us in order.
4. Some of the posters also have their own threads. I hope they will do a link for you.
5. There's a bad case of exclamationitis on here. Occurs when trying to put in a comma on ipad, but it auto corrects to an exclamation mark. So if you post and get a dodgy comment back, eg "Have you thought about counselling! sounds like you need help!".....please believe us that we are not sarky cows. Because the rule of exclamationitis is that we only spot it after we have posted!
6. Our sayings are Shit, this is hard and KOKO, keep on keeping on.
7. Our theme tune to keep us going, is below.
8. Jess is our sausage snuffling mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she pops up every now and again to entertain us and to dispense her own brand of advice. She says it as it is. She is currently busy knitting herself some new hats.

At the start of the year Fontella posted this on the first thread:

"Can I just say as more of a reader rather than a participant on this thread (I got shot of my lying, conniving, controlling ex 10 years ago) that this is fast turning into my favourite thread. Lots of powerful, courageous and funny (in a good way) women all coming together and supporting each other through an incredibly painful time. You are all fabulous!"

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Election Day

As 1's HRT has reminded her, people died so that women could vote. I therefore think we should remember this momentous occasion by carrying out our own poll.

On the IzBallotPaper you must tick one of the following:

1. Women don't deserve equal rights, but I am still going to vote
2. I am a fucking disgrace because I'm not going to vote

Disclaimer: no horses were harmed in conducting this poll

First result is in. Iz and sons are a fucking disgrace.

TOAST mean to cats = says it all!

Access to pets huh? I was thinking today that if I petition for unreasonable behaviour I'm going to claim really daft things, just to show him I ain't bovvered! I thought the first one would be his insistence of us having peas with every meal. And now I think I may just get a goldfish so I can offer him weekend residence or whatever and then flush it down the toilet

even the dog doesn't bother greeting him"

It's only been 2 weeks and our spaniel seems to know he's the cause of our misery, he is way way over the top for a nearly 10 year old dog, very over affectionate as spaniels are, but he looks at DH like shit when he Comes in, DH has noticed, I can tell, quite like it

Oh I can top the peas one. 2-3 veg with every meal. Even if it was a casserole with veg in it. Drove me insane.

so I can offer him weekend residence or whatever and then flush it down the toilet

Mine is a spaniel too. She does the looking at him like shit, it's amusing.

He actually took the dog for a walk the day he left so he could spend time alone with her and tell her he was going . She's had no respect for him since..... I however was the one who had to tell the DDs.

My old dog hated the weasel. Sadly my old dog passed away three weeks before our wedding. Should have taken that as an omen.

Along with my dress designers going bust and the wedding night spent in A & E. I believe someone was trying to tell me something.

Reasons for divorcing the twunt

1. Always serving peas at every meal
2. Singing whilst brushing his teeth
3. Using too much toilet paper wiping his arse
4. Buying too much fruit. See number 3
5. Bring a herd of pigs to bed with him each night
6. Breathing

Izzie...you crack me up..one min you're soul searching and the next you're running the vote. xx

Dogs well I'm glad my lovely lab is no longer here. She would have greeted Jack the Ripper like he was her best mate. Never get a lab as a guard dog. Actually we were burgled whilst we had her

Well my day has just tipped me over the edge.

ExDH#1 has called my oldest today. He now knows me and H have split up. Bless my DD she is so naive, told him not to say anything. I am going to THE biggest bit of juicy gossip now for the forseeable.

Fucking marvellous!

I was planning an alcohol free night, I now have a fuck off glass of red wine. Fuck everything!

Why should I care? I don't really but I wasn't ready for HIM to know about it yet. Still coming to terms with everything, and todays fucking flowers.

Now H has texted me with some proposals for summer a week away with youngest with his parents.

I feel like my head is about to explode!

I always thought you could tell a decent person by whether they liked animals or not. Sid was a sweetheart I know with our dog, he's petrified of thunder, the dog not Sid, so if there was a storm in the night he used to sleep on the sofa with him so he wasn't so scared. I liked that about him

Izzie Election Day, I can't be 1 or 2

Izzie "Using too much toilet paper wiping his arse" did you count the sheets or something

why you can never do too little soul searching in my opinion. Not where fucked up fuckwits are concerned! Anyway, mr HRT rather amuses me. 1 when is his birthday? And why did you by any chance have red bunting at your wedding too?? Actually I forgot the phrase "marry in May, regret the day" with mine

According glut glug then an early night. And to hell with the gossip. Today's news, tomorrow's chip paper. Very true

According oh sweetheart you have had a day of it. x

1. Bring a herd of pigs to bed with him each night
2. Breathing

izzie hahhahahahahahahahahahahaha

izzie number 6 applies to me right now, am at that, God you self loathing, workaholic, arrogant, selfish, piece of wankering fuckhead
Stage tonight, don't really want to know how hard he is finding it to cope really, he left me and 3 beautiful children, God I want to pummel his face in right now , he's finding it really hard too you know! Give me fucking strength, only started eating again in last few days, still not sleeping, hearts breaking but he's finding it hard?

oooh like that one...reasons for divorcing the weasel (although I am actually divorcing him for adultery)...

1. Being a no 6.
2. Buying the Audi and sending me a picture on April Fools Day
3. Never brushing his teeth before bed (yuk)
4. Saying that I was too clean when I always showered before he crawled over me
5. Pouring his coffee into the sink and never washing it away
6. Spending 6 hours cleaning the Audi and not letting the kids help

iwas TMI here but when he was in the shower room, which is ex suite, I could hear him. His arse must have been spotless. No, I certainly never checked

Latest Election Result

iwas is a fucking disgrace and possibly dyslexic.

Ours is also a spaniel, and unfortunately a daddy's boy. However in the early days when I was crying pretty much constantly and dd was very upset, H visited and ddog didn't greet him at the door and gave him a proper telling. He knew who was responsible for all the upset.

H does still have ddog when he's got a few days off, for now anyway.

why I got it! the OW is called Audi!

Frizzy I think we need Hobbit to will him a case of knob rot. I will send him a right hook. And a kick in the goolies before knob rot takes hold

sorry Izzie no red bunting. But we also ended up in hospital on our honeymoon as well...oh yes and I paid for the honeymoon as well.

Frizzy...they really do think they are hard done by...except it's us that have been destroyed. Big hugs xx

I think we all deserve one today at least.