HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on ...part 7

[Izzie595]

Nobody understands the fully devastating impact of the ending of a marriage unless and until they experience it themselves.

Welcome to Hobbit's Bar. Thread number 7.

This is the place where we meet to let it all out, to share experiences, to get support, and maybe give support if and when we feel able. And also to sometimes have a good laugh about things, because Hell, we've earned the right to laugh!

The bar is owned by Hobbit. She is adorable, kind, and bonkers. And lazy. So we take turns in running the bar for her ladyship.

I'm the latest proprietor of the bar. Izzie Age 54. Married 30 years. Two young adult sons living with me. Husband left to live with OW on Halloween last year. Very appropriate! No moves towards divorce or financial settlement at present. I started posting my own stuff on MN at the start of the year. Best thing I ever did. Well, I've had better successes in life, but you get my point, yes? I've been through the whole range of emotions, backwards, forwards, round and round: it's not a linear process by any means. And it does seem common to have a huge crash at 4 to 6 months on. Today I'm meh. Mostly.

There are a range of experiences in the Bar, generally at any one time. Examples: the early stages of separation; negotiating; legal matters; abuse in all forms; feeling stronger; having a major crash again; dealing with fuckwittery from the exes; financial worries; issues involving both young and adult children; moving towards the Mecca that is "meh". Basically, the whole works. Believe me, whatever you are currently experiencing, you are not alone.

My advice to any newbies: just jump in, but if you have the time and inclination, try reading all of the threads. You will see real women experiencing their bleakest moments, their progress, their dips, their innermost thoughts.

Rules of The Bar

1. Don't ask to join just come in.
2. The phrase Party Pooper is banned. We may be having a good old giggle sometimes but someone in need must interrupt whatever is going on. We can't all be in sync, but someone in need ALWAYS takes priority.
3. You are not obliged to give advice, reply to any posts, there are no expectations of you. Take what you want from the thread.

And just to ease you in, here are a few things you may wish to know:

1. An Izzietini is the bar drink.
2. A number 6 refers to rule number 6 in Hobbit's Twunts list. Reasons why they do things. Because they are....... erm, no, the answer is not "misguided".
3. Mother, WellWhoKnew or WWK. Recently divorced, previous proprietor of the Bar and a legend of MN to those who followed her own threads. Also a legend on here for her straightforward advice. And keeps us in order.
4. Some of the posters also have their own threads. I hope they will do a link for you.
5. There's a bad case of exclamationitis on here. Occurs when trying to put in a comma on ipad, but it auto corrects to an exclamation mark. So if you post and get a dodgy comment back, eg "Have you thought about counselling! sounds like you need help!".....please believe us that we are not sarky cows. Because the rule of exclamationitis is that we only spot it after we have posted!
6. Our sayings are Shit, this is hard and KOKO, keep on keeping on.
7. Our theme tune to keep us going, is below.
8. Jess is our sausage snuffling mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she pops up every now and again to entertain us and to dispense her own brand of advice. She says it as it is. She is currently busy knitting herself some new hats.

At the start of the year Fontella posted this on the first thread:

"Can I just say as more of a reader rather than a participant on this thread (I got shot of my lying, conniving, controlling ex 10 years ago) that this is fast turning into my favourite thread. Lots of powerful, courageous and funny (in a good way) women all coming together and supporting each other through an incredibly painful time. You are all fabulous!"

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Dig those moves from Lou at the end. And those sideburns

I'm only 50 so cant remember dancing to it but always makes me laugh

Thanks Izzie for letting me get away with it, phew

Anyway Izzie best keep on the best side of me as I getting a puppy lab July so I can do a daily fancy dress thingy for ya.. or not

Ok the last one from me for a while. So much for my poodling around, time has flown. This is for my mum, who loved Tom Jones. Being an innocent girl, I assumed she meant he had a good voice....

He's still got it though!

It's Not Unusual

living for you

Love You Living Kissy Kiss

Izzie you are getting distinctly soppy. I put it down to lack of food (or showing off) living is drinking all the wine Here, get your chops round this

bobs ooh lovely. What's for dessert?

What's for dessert Bobs?

Izzie ah snap again!

Ha, might have known you would pop up when food's mentioned greedy cow

iwas a great big twang I feel.

Just opened a bottle of rose fuck it I'm sure you can buy livers on the internet these days, they've all gone out with super dad again, the man who has worked 24/7 for all there lives, you were right ladies, anger does give you strength, as do wine and fags, not smoked properly for years, only on the odd occasion I've had one or 8 too many, but I'm going to do what I have to do for now, save the guilt for another day, today I like wine and fags, tomorrow I might feel virtuous and abstain, or maybe tomorrow I'll want to smash his sad little face in, I'll let you know

I've just had a bar of chocolate actually!

It's chucking it down here.

Frizzy good on you! Do what you want to do and sod him. I've never smoked but I do like wine. for you x

Frizzy whatever it takes. My smoking has shot up. In fact a bit like iwas snuggling all the Easter eggs, I'm surprised there's not a national shortage of cigs!

It's still sunny here. But too wet to cut the grass. bobs say so

It smells like a chip shop upstairs. Cleaning the shower with vinegar. I once mistakenly started spraying vinegar on my duvet, thinking it was favpbric freshener. By the time I realised where the smell was coming from, it was too late. Had to wash it

Glad to see you have all been on and off here today - my plans didn't go according to plan - just so tired today so decided to do practical stuff like laundry for my son. Yes I know - he can do it but am helping out....that's what Mums do..

rozalia am sure you are well aware of the connection between your hormones and your migraines etc - never had problems with this until just before I was 50 and had a massive attack. It's all these ups and downs in hormone levels - think that is why I am so tired today as am on off " off days" for my HRT progesterone and have had the headaches last 3 days.

izzie will the paintbrushes go sideways when being disposed off?

Weather update here - dull, dull..

I made the mistake of going to Homebase where all the couples are doing their DIY shopping and looking very bored !

PS I may be a Giant here as am 5. 2 inches!!

Am I tall here? I'm 5' 5".

Same as Braving, thought I was short!

Great quote from Gerti on Ophelia's thread "don't piss off a short woman as it's much easier for her to punch you in the nuts"

WiseOne, yes I had noticed the hormone connection. They're not true migraines, thank goodness, aura, bright lights are painful but the headache's not too bad. Put a spanner in the works though.

You may be able to loom over me, but obvs Iwas and braving could loom over you. Actually they are both taller than is strictly necessary, in my opinion. Just showing off. Although my youngest son is 6'3" which is handy if I need help reaching things. Does make him go all braggy though....

Pleased your head is not too bad Rozalia. I get tension headaches sometimes so had a lot recently and they're horrible.

My son's the tallest in our family at a touch under 5'8" so we're not exactly a tall family. One of my friends (female) is 6ft!

Frizzy if they're doing a BOGOF on livers can I have the spare one pls

Just for you Izzie or iwas lol

living of course you can, was just on the "livers r us" website, 50% off this bank holiday weekend