HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on ...part 7

[Izzie595]

Nobody understands the fully devastating impact of the ending of a marriage unless and until they experience it themselves.

Welcome to Hobbit's Bar. Thread number 7.

This is the place where we meet to let it all out, to share experiences, to get support, and maybe give support if and when we feel able. And also to sometimes have a good laugh about things, because Hell, we've earned the right to laugh!

The bar is owned by Hobbit. She is adorable, kind, and bonkers. And lazy. So we take turns in running the bar for her ladyship.

I'm the latest proprietor of the bar. Izzie Age 54. Married 30 years. Two young adult sons living with me. Husband left to live with OW on Halloween last year. Very appropriate! No moves towards divorce or financial settlement at present. I started posting my own stuff on MN at the start of the year. Best thing I ever did. Well, I've had better successes in life, but you get my point, yes? I've been through the whole range of emotions, backwards, forwards, round and round: it's not a linear process by any means. And it does seem common to have a huge crash at 4 to 6 months on. Today I'm meh. Mostly.

There are a range of experiences in the Bar, generally at any one time. Examples: the early stages of separation; negotiating; legal matters; abuse in all forms; feeling stronger; having a major crash again; dealing with fuckwittery from the exes; financial worries; issues involving both young and adult children; moving towards the Mecca that is "meh". Basically, the whole works. Believe me, whatever you are currently experiencing, you are not alone.

My advice to any newbies: just jump in, but if you have the time and inclination, try reading all of the threads. You will see real women experiencing their bleakest moments, their progress, their dips, their innermost thoughts.

Rules of The Bar

1. Don't ask to join just come in.
2. The phrase Party Pooper is banned. We may be having a good old giggle sometimes but someone in need must interrupt whatever is going on. We can't all be in sync, but someone in need ALWAYS takes priority.
3. You are not obliged to give advice, reply to any posts, there are no expectations of you. Take what you want from the thread.

And just to ease you in, here are a few things you may wish to know:

1. An Izzietini is the bar drink.
2. A number 6 refers to rule number 6 in Hobbit's Twunts list. Reasons why they do things. Because they are....... erm, no, the answer is not "misguided".
3. Mother, WellWhoKnew or WWK. Recently divorced, previous proprietor of the Bar and a legend of MN to those who followed her own threads. Also a legend on here for her straightforward advice. And keeps us in order.
4. Some of the posters also have their own threads. I hope they will do a link for you.
5. There's a bad case of exclamationitis on here. Occurs when trying to put in a comma on ipad, but it auto corrects to an exclamation mark. So if you post and get a dodgy comment back, eg "Have you thought about counselling! sounds like you need help!".....please believe us that we are not sarky cows. Because the rule of exclamationitis is that we only spot it after we have posted!
6. Our sayings are Shit, this is hard and KOKO, keep on keeping on.
7. Our theme tune to keep us going, is below.
8. Jess is our sausage snuffling mascot. Owned by Hobbit, she pops up every now and again to entertain us and to dispense her own brand of advice. She says it as it is. She is currently busy knitting herself some new hats.

At the start of the year Fontella posted this on the first thread:

"Can I just say as more of a reader rather than a participant on this thread (I got shot of my lying, conniving, controlling ex 10 years ago) that this is fast turning into my favourite thread. Lots of powerful, courageous and funny (in a good way) women all coming together and supporting each other through an incredibly painful time. You are all fabulous!"

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

the question is do i go on a massive spending spree before next week

this thread here

bobs when it's my turn for all of that tomorrow or five years hence who knows how his mind works I'm thinking that as long as I know and can deal with the worst case scenario, realistically I mean, then that's it. So easy for me to say this of course. I will be a ump of jelly when it's my turn.

Green haven't forgotten about PM. Got some ideas.

Well, I think my progress on the practical front calls for a Dave Strut.

Oh, and for the ladies, a friend of mine warned me. If you bring another man into your life, keep a watch on your tools. No, I seriously mean tools. Because they have a habit of disappearing for ever if lent out.

Dave Strut

Green you deserve it. I don't think there's any harm in a massive spending spree, go for it x

The link worked shocked thanks Izzie x Can I have my cake now.

iwas was it meant to link to this thread?

and the twittwoo stuff - sent an email saying lifestyle was supported by evidence on it and all of a sudden I'm blocked! so just backs up the goading really

iwas you want your cake and to eat it?? Heard that phrase somewhere before

Green just had lol at the fact it's taken him that long to work out about Twittwoo.

Ooh very interesting re the other! What do others think?

think I may get some shoes like that for my court appearence - feel like doing a Dave Strutt but i thought they were pink like yours izzie!

perhaps add a Tshirt with this printed on it!

Izzie yes I did mean it to be this thread, I was just experimenting I didn't expect it to work

"Have your cake and eat it" talking of Sid...

Oh no, couldn't walk in those things now. How I used to mange to run for the train in those things in my youth is beyond me. I'm mostly on my feet all day in work so I've finally moved to flats. Which does make it rather hard to spot me vertically challenged. But I do feel really strange coming across people shorter than me. There are some at work. Freaks me out. I'm convinced I'm the same height as most people. All those years of looking diagonally upwards is just a habit. I'm 5ft. No idea what that is in cm.

iwas proud of you. So go on, now post Downtown with a proper name in the title. Cos you like that song, don't ya?

green place a bulk order of those t shirts!

i see you two ladies are still adding to your computer skills!

izzie you continue to make me lvvl!

izzie you continue to make me lvvl

You on the vino already? Or shall we start spelling school?

Like the tee-shirt Green

What does lvvl mean?

iwas you doing ok? - i have definitely noticed a change in you in your posts - that strong lady comes through thick & fastxx

Downtown Petula Clark

It's a wonderful uplifting song Izzie.

lvvl= laugh very very loud

taught to me by Mr SB - amongst other things

off to enjoy the sunshine - love to you izzie & iwas

KOKO everyone XX

Green I am quite good thank you. In the land of meh, it's all civil and I am probably having more enjoyment in my life than I did when I was with Sid. I am healthy touch wood I have two lovely children, good family and friends and I am very blessed in a lot of ways. x

iwas this is my happy song at the moment. I often drive to work with that on

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

Afternoon ladies, had a few words with OH this morning already, I asked him if he wanted to come round for a bit today, I don't know why I did just thought it might be nice for the children, they came back last night from swimming and dinner telling me they are going to golf today with him for a couple of hours, I was pissed off about it really, he's done fuck all with them lately but now wants to be fun dad, he does look like shit at moment I admit, and is hurting, he says he's feeling too horrible and miserable at the moment to come here and doesn't want to make it harder on me? In fairness I suppose it would probably be a disaster if he came today, just wish he'd remember that I'll be stuck here on my own again, while he's out having fun with the children he's walked out on, I want them to see him, I really do, but he promised to be here for all of us, my mum said to me this morning that it's all guilt and this will settle down, but he's the one who's left, yet I still feel I'm doing exactly what he wants all the time, I told him this morning on the phone that in future any arrangements go through me and not the children, he has asked every time to be fair, I suppose I'm just pissed off he's being a coward and not coming here and facing me, he just always runs away