3rd letter from my in laws!!!! omfg!!!

[inmyshoos]

For anyone who might remember my previous posts from my fil I wanted to share the 3rd which arrived today!!! I think i might explode if i dont share it with someone!!

Dear shoos and dhofshoos,
I wrote to you on 10/2/2015 asking you to detail what you consider the problems are between the four of us; and again on the 25/3/2015 asking you both if you wished to be involved in a number of family events that will be happening this year, and also asking you to consider allowing the dc to be included in these family occasions. To date i have received no reply.
Therefore not having received the courtesy of replies to my letters, I can only assume that you both wish to sever all ties with us.
However our door will remain open, but, remember, the longer the door remains open the colder the house becomes.
There are no winners in this situation, only losers. There are losses in the short term and lisses in the long term.
I hope this finds you both well and that your futures are secure.
Regards fil/dad
P.s we will be passing through your area on return from a holiday on the 20th may if you would like to meet us for something to eat?
Pps Give the dc our love.

OMG please someone hit me with a stick! I don't know if i want to laugh or cry!!!

The term "bullying" makes no sense in this context. People have been rude and personal yes, but bullying is not that.

Or rather bullying is more than that.

Actually, I do usually agree with Mary.

Can you remind me when we disagreed Maz? I shall revisit the threads forthwith and prove I was right! once and for all.

But unless the MIL (who initiated the NC) makes contact, what can be done?

PILs efforts might be better directed to his own wife, as she was the one who suggested NC in the first place.

I thought they were happy with their decision. Do they need to do anything?

I think there is also a significant number of people who have gone no contact and find it has improved their lives because they no longer have to deal with someone who has made their lives an utter misery.

Many more people, however, don't cut contact with people who have treated them with downright cruelty because they don't feel able to (I can think of an example in my own family). And the disapproval from society at large plays a part in that - people react with horror - look at some of the comments on here.

Or they can remain NC, and hope it encourages a change in PIL's behaviour as the way they are treating the OP, her DH, and their DCs is unacceptable to them.

I thought the point of NC was to protect yourself rather than effect or hope for a change in someone else's attitude.

That they "get along" with other members of the family means nothing. It may just mean that the others don't take bullshit or take too much of it.

I'm no NC expert, was just speculating different possible outcomes I guess.

Oh btw sorry to butt in. I meant there is a big difference between saying 'no thank you' to a drink, and 'I don't want that because it's got aspartame in it'. That's what I meant by coming across rude. I hope you can see the difference.

Carry on, sorry again.

I think there may also be a significant number of people who are NC but simply don't talk about because they know what kind of reaction they will get.

People comment on here that NC is suggested almost flippantly - I'm not sure it is. If someone is affecting your life to such an extent that it has a deleterious effect on your mental and physical health, that's a good enough reason.

If you (general you) can't conceive of someone within your own family behaving badly enough that you would go NC then I think you are lucky. And that is not meant snidely.

If someone offered me a piece of cake I would say " no thank you "

If they then said " oh come on, it's lovely I made it myself , please take a bit " , I woudl say

" it looks lovely and I would love to , but I'm gluten free " .

If they then complained that I was difficult , I would consider them controlling . I Have a right not to make myself ill for a week . I have a right to control what goes in my body . If you think that's rude,that's your problem.

If the OP told granny that they don't let their child have a certain drink, and granny offers it ,it's fine to say " no thanks , we don't let him drink XXX"

It's granny who is being rude , pressing it upon the child , if parent has already explained . It's the controlling behaviour that's the problem, not the drink .

Some people are finding that very hard to understand . It's other people trying to control how you bring up your children , just because they think they have a right to.

Letter seems reasonable to me as do ifyouareawizard's posts.

They do seem to really want to keep you in their lives and it probably does cost them to keep making these efforts.

Flipp - I agree completely with your posts and you have put it in a much better way than I managed to!

As Mary already mentioned it was me that used the word 'bully' and I have already said this was not the right word to use. I have already explained that I merely felt bad for the OP in light of some of the more unkind comments that have been directed at her during a very difficult time. I am sorry that some of you have focused on my initial use of the word 'bully' instead of the message of compassion and empathy for the OP that I was trying to convey

I agree with that, StaceyAndTracey. We avoid aspartame, and I would be very annoyed if anyone tried to give it to my child when they knew we don't give it to him.

You get warmer letters from debt collection agencies. They are annoyed that there little bit of control is gone and are desperate to take it back.

Do not respond.

Whether they speak to the PIL or not, the PIL still favour the other sibling. So it doesn't change anything

If his parents are going to treat him in ways that make him feel unloved or worse, and bestow the same treatment on his wife and children, and he can't change that, OF COURSE he should continue allowing that rather than eliminating it from their lives. Because everyone needs to have a place to go where they feel unimportant and unwanted.

Agree with Tali - this about them trying to get back control. That is why the letter seems so cold.

Thank you Milly - I don't hear that very often (that I've put things well, I mean!)

I'm wondering why some posters are keen to give the benefit of the doubt to the letter writer in the OP. I mean, can anyone on here honestly, hand on heart, picture themselves writing a letter like that to a loved one?

Oh OP I hear you.
You have put up with things, you have tried to draw a line under it, and they have sent yet another letter. I feel the frustration and exasperation. You are doing the right thing in ignoring.
They are a right pair.
Just brace yourself - the next one might be the fabricated/exaggerated illness announcement.

Flipp - I think it is because when family is concerned it is only natural that people imagine themselves in a similar position eg some of those that are upset/ shocked about someone going NC with their parents/ in laws is thinking how upset they would be if they were cut off for some perceived wrong. But it isn't the same because they truly love their children and would never dream of treating them so appallingly that they damaged them so deeply to drive them towards NC. Abusive parents are more interested in control than love but to most people that is just unimaginable.