3rd letter from my in laws!!!! omfg!!!

[inmyshoos]

For anyone who might remember my previous posts from my fil I wanted to share the 3rd which arrived today!!! I think i might explode if i dont share it with someone!!

Dear shoos and dhofshoos,
I wrote to you on 10/2/2015 asking you to detail what you consider the problems are between the four of us; and again on the 25/3/2015 asking you both if you wished to be involved in a number of family events that will be happening this year, and also asking you to consider allowing the dc to be included in these family occasions. To date i have received no reply.
Therefore not having received the courtesy of replies to my letters, I can only assume that you both wish to sever all ties with us.
However our door will remain open, but, remember, the longer the door remains open the colder the house becomes.
There are no winners in this situation, only losers. There are losses in the short term and lisses in the long term.
I hope this finds you both well and that your futures are secure.
Regards fil/dad
P.s we will be passing through your area on return from a holiday on the 20th may if you would like to meet us for something to eat?
Pps Give the dc our love.

OMG please someone hit me with a stick! I don't know if i want to laugh or cry!!!

Perhaps bullying is the wrong word, but i did say 'border on bullying' and there are a few replies on here that are pretty nasty. Obviously some people are merely disagreeing with the OP but there are some very unpleasant comments (admittedly in the minority) and i don't see how some of this is helping the OP at all. I just think that a bit of compassion is not a lot to ask.

I don't agree that the OP is 'not nice' in posting the letter. What's really 'not nice' is treating someone, a member of your family, so badly that they feel the only option for their own peace of mind is to have not contact with you.

I do agree that tone does not always come across in the written word - which is why the way you write is so important. So, say you choose to write a letter about a sensitive issue and are hoping for a positive outcome.

If you are concerned how your message will be received and also cared about how the recipient of said letter would feel when they read it, particuarly if you are asking something from them, then wouldn't you take the utmost care to make sure it's worded appropriately and couldn't be misinterpreted?

Not blunder in making oblique threats and writing in a high-handed, patronising, faux-business style.

On the other hand, if you didn't much care how the recipient would feel on reading it and expect people to say 'how high' when you say jump; then that's just the sort of letter you would write.

"Here some people are disagreeing with the op and suggesting that she might consider some sort of compromise."

No, they are calling her "hard work," saying her decisions are "unhinged," saying the ONLY correct way to deal with this is to reply to the FIL, otherwise it's passive-aggressive, "drama-llama-ing" and other not so nice terms. Saying she SHOULDN'T post the letter on Mumsnet (surely it's only up to Mumsnet to decide what is acceptable to post on Mumsnet ) and generally giving her a hard time because...well, I don't know. Not out of support or wanting to help her, that's pretty clear.

That's the tone, anyway.

*Not blunder in making oblique threats and writing in a high-handed, patronising, faux-business style.

On the other hand, if you didn't much care how the recipient would feel on reading it and expect people to say 'how high' when you say jump; then that's just the sort of letter you would write.*

This.

Not blunder in making oblique threats and writing in a high-handed, patronising, faux-business style.

On the other hand, if you didn't much care how the recipient would feel on reading it and expect people to say 'how high' when you say jump; then that's just the sort of letter you would write.

This, even.

Tone can come across, but people also read between the lines and see things through the prism of their own experience. If OP wants support for and her husband's decision to go NC, then that's one thing. If she is canvassing opinions to measure against hers, then that's another. And of course to ask for both is fine too.

One thing I think is a bit mistaken is that if you think there might be an olive branch there or that things might just be a bit ott it doesn't mean that you have no empathy or that you have never experienced any horribe family experiences. That's too easy a way to dismiss opinions that clash with your own.

"Tone doesn't come across in type?

Novels must be very boring to those who think this."

Yep, good point Saga.

And I also agree with your last post.

I've been told not to post on this thread by Hissy, but I really am honestly curious op as to why this is an ongoing saga and why you and your dh haven't made any moves to end contact with these awful people?

I'm not sure that the OP was actually asking for help or advice. The first post seemed more, "Look at what they've done now!" She doesn't actually ask for anything.

Gosh I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset. I was just trying to point out where you might have rubbed them up the wrong way from what was written here. I have never in my life heard a child refuse something because it has aspartame in it. So it's still pretty strange to me tbh, but of course you decide what is best for your child & I'm not trying to challenge that in anyway.

I can relate to the NC though, as I don't see my own family and have experienced v unpleasant things. My DH has been truly wonderful throughout it all. He has supported me & all my decisions and has always said that he will back me up in any decision I make towards them. He has never gotten involved in any rows other than to politely support me. Perhaps he would have been better placed to advise here!

I wish you luck op I'm sorry I upset you I was wrong to do so.

The clue is in the name - no contact. If you get in touch with someone to tell them you aren't in contact with them well then....you're in contact with them, which you don't want to be.

Going NC with your family is a BIG THING. Having to deal with your DH's issues with his "wanker" father is also a BIG THING. Being at odds with your family with DCs thrown into the mix is difficult, stressful, and the OP admits she was feeling tearful just last night.

Whether you see an olive branch or not or see that it could be handled in a different way is fine, OP says she wants balanced views.

But calling her hard work and a drama-llama and other shit just isn't nice when she must be going through a hell of a lot.

I agree with you Mary but Saga seems to think I am your sockie!

What can I dooooo?

Oh come off it, it's well known you two always agree with each other.

I also find the nobody goes NC without good reason a little unbelievable. There are people in my family who are always falling out and not speaking and then making up and then not speaking again. Sometimes not making up for years, still haven't made up. Is that different to NC? Anyway, I often hear both "sides" and I have yet to hear something that seemed worth it. Now, of course, you are entitled to go NC whenever and with whomever you see fit, but your good reason is your good reason not necessarily a good reason for everyone.

shirley said: "You sound difficult to be quite honest."

I don't think you do, OP, fwiw.

Look, it doesn't matter...and yes I am kidding. And I don't want to argue, and I respect you're giving the OP your view, which is different than mine.

I just think we sometimes lose sight of what the person living in this situation is going through, and to post the letter here can have other genuine motives than ones suggested here unkindly.

That's it, innit.

Yeah, I don't think the OP sounds difficult or unpleasant either.

Dealing with this sort of situation is hugely distressing and a bit more compassion and thoughtfulness when responding wouldn't go amiss.

I didn't use the word 'bullying.'