Husband's affair: I have started!

[tomatoplantproject]

I have had my first thread deleted this morning, because I posted too much identifying information and disclosed far too much detail about my plans. However the support I have received so far has been amazing, and I have such a long way to go still.

The story so far: I discovered at the weekend my husband has been having an on/off affair for the last 6 months. He finished it before I discovered the evidence because he had decided to choose me over her.

I have been utterly devastated by this. In my anger I have taken the practical steps I need in order to help secure my long term future (I think).

My final practical step will be to get our home back for dd and me for a while. And then let the dust settle and figure out how to rebuild or recreate my life. With minimal collateral damage to dd.

Please keep holding my hand.

Christina - yes!!

John - thank you. You might be right about the title. I just wanted to grab his attention. I am not sending it until tomorrow morning so I can sleep on it.

If he has been honest with his parents then I would have more respect for him, if he has played it down, well it's not a great start

Sorry snoozy. This thread is moving too quickly for me to keep up! I see your rationale. Ok I will ponder. And I might need to check my email carefully from that angle carefully - it wasn't one I had considered.

Do you need to send the email tomorrow? Once you have dd I would go nc for a few days, really let your mind mull over things, leave him wondering....there is no rush and you want to make sure you get this right

I am anticipating to hear from his sister. I am going to ask her what she knows and then I will know what he has been saying.

I want to send the email to him tomorrow so that he has sufficient time to get out of the house by the time I return back to London. Don't forget my iron fist, velvet glove approach.

He won't want dd all the time. She can be hard work. He has had a taste of that already today - I think there have been a fair few meltdowns. And don't forget he is a very important businessman, and there is no one he could easily leave her with.

Ha....I bet his day has been eventful!

Goodness only knows. She has been asking after me all day too

When do you go back?

Wednesday or Thursday next week. She has nursery Thursday pm and Friday all day which I am keen to sustain.

He has the day off tomorrow while dd is at nursery, then he's bringing her here and then he has a free day on Sunday. If he gets the email tomorrow morning he has all day tomorrow morning and Sunday to sort something out without the work excuses.

I did not see the previous thread, but is there chance that if you send the email tomorrow, he will not hand your dd over to you. I would be tempted to send the email once you have your dd with you.

Boy is he in for a shock, he will be planning a "woe is me session" for the handover

Icant - if he doesn't then I have a plan b which I will detonate.

Christina - I hope so. I have already lost a couple of pounds (and I promise I have been eating) and my slightly red arms and face from today should be brown by Saturday and I have my new sunglasses. He can fuck off if he thinks I'm going to turn into a snivelling wreck just for him. He doesn't need to see that happening.

I am aiming for steely and impenetrable. What will probably happen is that I trip over something on the floor just as he spots me striding through the station.

And sorry - misread. I refuse to do "woe is me" and if he does I will tell him to man the fuck up and deal with it. Without me.

Well, he is the one that put you all in this position, it didn't have to happen, so he is going to have to live with it

Let's see what he does now

I think a new bag is called for, will help you with your balance at the station

And new shoes so you don't slip or go over on your ankle.

I seem to be alone in liking the title Hope for your e-mail.

He whingingly asked you to give him hope, and the e-mail says "here's the hope you begged for - move out and leave me alone for two months, and then let's see where we are."

That's not what he's expecting, and I think giving it to him packaged as the hope he asked for sends a pretty strong message about how little hope there is.

And hopefully he will think about it and realise that the only real hope is for him to fix what he broke.

Hey Bathtime
I read your other post, perhaps I hadn't caught up before there was personal stuff in it, didn't seem that way to me.

Good luck....

I did the iron fist not quite velvet glove. But I was v v tough on my cheating stbxh. He ran straight to OW.
It's almost two years later and it's all going wrong now, (nisi in place, no absolute) we are arguing now, because the marriage simply stopped, paused as it were. We didn't argue the toss at the end, I didn't know he was having an affair and when I found out, I threw him out. I was steely but angry and unforgiving. All we do now is argue.

But my stbxh is a bury head person. His head is so far up his arse I doubt it will ever come out.

Just don't be so iron that you park stuff. Parking it has problems too.

Sorry, Bathtime is not the OP. Put down the

I need more info on this 24 year old tree surgeon........

Thank you bathtime.

Who fancies a read? I will send some pm's If I can from my phone. And I haven't changed the wording of the bit about his parents.

How about a new car?

Yip, I'm still here

Coimhe - tall, muscular arms, swarthy

LL could you explain a little more please?

If he does go to ow then you have your answer and he most definitely is not the man for you

Yep. Decision made. I find myself a job and very swiftly start plan b. Move by move. Like a game of chess.