Affair - not sure how to cope part 2

[OpheliaRose]

In my previous thread I found out my husband was having an affair with a girl from work and has decided to leave me for her.

My previous thread is here for anyone who would like to se ether full details Old Thread

Agree with Sylvanian.

On your last thread OP I suggested now the scales have fallen from your eyes, you may view a number of things about him very differently with the benefit of hindsight.

I think there may be a history of him doing things which suit him very well indeed.

I'm still curious to know why the house is in his name. That seems bizarre given you've been together your whole adult lives and you've been employed too.

Oh and OP if you do allow him to come round for stuff tonight, give him a time he needs to be gone by as you're going out. Even if you're not. Tell him you are.

While I'm here, can I just also say that you seem to think that this whole thing may be a reflection on you. No it won't. People will see him as grubby. But can I also say, some men, when they KNOW they're punching above their weight, use affairs as a way of cutting people down. I present you Ashely and Cheryl Cole...she was the X factor judge, in the fashion mags, having number one singles and he KNEW he was below her. Lo and behold, he has affairs with ladies who were really not a patch on his wife in any way.

Hi Ophelia,

I read all of your last thread. You sound like an amazing woman who deserves so much better than this. I hope you're getting real life support as well as the advice on here. Keep going, you're doing so well to keep going.

Sylvanian. thank you for your amazing post you're really giving me strength (as are all you other wonderful posters!)

I replied that I had plans for the evening so would not be in (after hurriedly texting my friend and brother asking if we could have a curry tonight) so he is welcome to come get his stuff but I won't be here. I said he's welcome to message me details about money but as far as im concerned there is enough money in the joint account for me and the children to manage our daily living cost.

I need to be out later because if I see him I'll end up crying and begging him to reconsider

The house is solely in his name because when it was brought we didn't live together but he's got a good job straight out of uni and also had some inheritance money (I was still unemployed) we agreed once it was brought we'd live together and get married. Stupidly I thought that because we where getting married that would be fine

But you are married so it doesn't matter whose name the house is in.

Unless I've missed something, I think being married entitles you to keep the house or at least some of it - others will know this stuff.

Hurray for link learning .

I would be wary of allowing him access to the house while you're out. Make sure anything precious or valuable is locked away. Yoju can't trust him. You are a thorn in his side for running off to the sunset with Miss Slack Morals. Put yourself and children first, don't give him any consideration.

Have you booked to go blonder yet?!

Good for you Ophelia!

Don't let the fucker call the shots. Show him he's not going to walk all over you.

it goes without saying though (I'm sure you've already thought of this) ... put anything sensitive away where he can't find it. Take essential paperwork out with you.

With you not there he's going to have a good root around, of that you can be sure. Delete any searches on the computer - anything of that nature. Cover your tracks.

Damn. The hmm was meant to be !!

Yes I echo not allowing him in the house alone. Could your brother attend with him, so he doesn't take anything he shouldn't? I'm thinking important documents or he might want to delete computer files etc.

Oh and make sure you get those new pictures up on the wall ... and you have taken the ones of him down.

That will send out a strong message. Not only will it piss him off .... it will show him you're not going to be the walkover he thinks you are.

Yes - I definitely wouldn't let him have access to the house. Can you leave his things outside and lock up somehow??

Good calm and cool response.

Are you married, OP?

Im not sure about leaving the house unattended - won't he just come in and...do what he wants?

Echoing the others, if you're going out tonight can you take any important documents with you?

Or invite brother and friend over for a curry at your own place - leave his stuff out in a bin bag while you are being busy and fabulous.

Oh yes, I know OP is entitled to half the house no matter whose name it is in. I just wondered WHY it was only in one name - I wondered if it was an indication years back that "D"H was trying to protect himself?

Good for you Ophelia.

That message will have taken the wind right out of his sails as he read each word of it.

You really are doing well

That's brilliant - I think you have handled it perfectly! I just had a thought, if you do go out, you could leave his stuff inside the house, then he has to come in and see the home that he has left behind. When you go out, I would leave it looking cosy and clean - give him the message that you are coping just fine. A nice bunch of flowers on the table maybe? And no photos to be seen anywhere.

Could your mum or dad come and house sit for you this evening? That would be a nice surprise for him!

Make sure all his stuff is already in bin bags waiting for him in the hallway

I'm probably overthinking this .. but is there any chance he would take the PC? Or tamper with it in any way?

Where have you got the evidence, pics etc. of his correspondence stored? Is it on your own separate device or on the 'family' computer.

... Just read the other posts about not trusting him in the house. Very good point. Ignore what I said, sorry.

Oh yes that's a thought, if he's going to be in the house alone, make sure you've got copies of your evidence - I bet he'll already be thinking about deleting anything which contradicts his completely false version of events.

Can you leave your brother there and go for a curry with your friend?

You are doing incredibly well Ophelia. Please make sure that he can't get access to where you have stored the messages and photos you found and wipe them. It might be an idea to gather up all important paperwork/evidence and give it to your DM or trusted friend to look after so he can't access it.

Put a password on the computer. You can guarantee he will try and get on it to destroy the evidence. That will really piss him off.

Massive cross posting!