Affair - not sure how to cope part 2

[OpheliaRose]

In my previous thread I found out my husband was having an affair with a girl from work and has decided to leave me for her.

My previous thread is here for anyone who would like to se ether full details Old Thread

Another cheer from here. Tonight will be good, you'll be with people who care and with whom you can be yourself. I am full of admiration for you, you are strong and you are doing the best for your children and yourself.

Another one who keeps being drawn back to this thread by disbelief at what your husband is doing. I am so sorry for you, Ophelia. To think that I could have done such things to my wife when we were at your stage. Like you, we had everything as a couple and I was so proud of her as a mum. I am old enough to be your husband's father and if he were my son, blimey I'd have a few choice words to say to him. I'm right behind you all the way on this. Bless you and your little ones.

De-lurking, I have just spent most of my day reading all of these threads. I'm in absolute awe of how you are handling this orphelia, you have shown such restraint and decorum at one of the most horrific situations. Well done on the solicitors appt and make sure you take all documents you will need plus passports for you and twins with you tonight. I'd also email the pics to your friend just incase he hacks your account, he has shown how malicious he can be, don't put it past him. Make sure that your DB doesn't let slip about the solicitor appt, let him think he's still ahead of you. Enjoy tonight, it's the beginning of a new you, it's still raw and there are plenty more tears that will come but for now just relax in the knowledge that you are taking charge. Now how about ?

I've also read the whole thread and am gobsmacked at how H has treated you and your children Ophelia.

His affair sounds seedy, shabby and sordid as does the photographic evidence. That turned my stomach, what a sick wanker. And you are worth 1million times more than the office slut. Nice hair, heart and morals of a stinking sewer.

The advice on here is excellent and we are all supporting you. You have been amazing so far and you will continue to overcome this, step by step. One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Just take care of yourself and love to your twins. I really admire you.

I've had my troubles and horrendous times, going through something myself at the moment and could take a leaf out of your book...spend your time with good people, get support, ask for help of you need it. Your mum sounds great. And you will be fine.

No advice as you already have lots of wise counsel on here but I'm behind you 100%.

Hello

Just catching up, another step forward today, well done

I would agree don't let him in the house on his own...re financial discussion, tha should be left until after you have spoken to the solicitor...tell him that. Tell him you would also only like contacted through email now, change your phone no. Then you have a paper trail of everything that is discussed

Marking my place with a well done and off to catch up.

I personally would bolt the front door and leave from the back with his belongings on the door step.

It is what he deserves.

For different reasons to yours I've been looking into forgiveness after betrayal and found this article really useful: m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1967059. The gist of it is being kind to yourself and living in the moment as much as possible because thinking of past hurts too much and future scares you. Also we find it a lot more difficult to forgive the wrongs we inflicted on other people as it goes completely contrary to our idea of ourselves as decent and good human beings. So your husband's actions will be stemming directly from this process.

He's had months of detached meant. The least he can do is appreciate you're numb and need time to catch up.

Glad you've got a solicitor booked, let them guide you and delay till after. Act in hast, repent at leisure. It's so important you know your rights.

DB told me he said to drop the stuff round and has sent him an address.

I'm still going to put the chain on the door and leave out the back just in case.

He's still made no mentioned of the broken iPad (which is still usuable) I'm still pretty sure he had stuff hidden on his iphone / pad

Remember --

You did nothing wrong

He is not the boss of you

You owe him nothing

He is not in charge of you

You have equal say in everything except the children. I'm guessing that is more in your favour being they are so small and you are a SAHM

He doesn't get to dictate to you as he isn't the boss of you

You can not trust him

He is not the person you thought you married. He is a stranger to you. Treat him as such a protect yourself.

He is not in charge

You have many people behind you and beside you - family and us lot. He has a slapper under him. That's all.

You rock

He should rot

Keep going. You'll get through this and wonder what you ever worried about.

And he isn't your boss. Did I say that?!

Yes I am sure there is stuff hidden, you may find that this has been going on longer than he has made out....

Ophelia, do you recognise the address?

And you know, as much as my husband has done its your husband who's left me breathless.

Well done and have a good evening out with people who love you.

Even though your brother is taking his stuff round to him wherever he's staying ... he could still turn up at the house while you are out.

it could just be a red herring to throw you off the scent. He clearly doesn't want your brother in the house with him for whatever reason?

I think you are very wise putting the chain on and leaving by the back door, so if the fucker does turn up when he thinks the house is empty, he can't get in. I'd do that every time you go out, even if it's just to pop to the shops.

Good for you. Enjoy your curry and have a

Apologies if this isn't applicable but do you share Apple IDs with your ex'D'H?

weebirdie I don't recognise the address nor does my brother but I'm not sure which friend he is staying with. That sinking feeling in my tummy tells me it's the OW address since he said was spending the weekend with her

sometimes no we don't share them. The iPad has a code that's new and his phone was a new 6 so he put the finger print locking thing on it.

In theory I could work out his password for his Apple idea

Ophelia my blood is boiling. I can't believe how callously he is treating, one minute in your family home, the next spending the weekend with her. It is truly disgusting.

You are doing so well and being so strong x

Have been lurking and l am full of admiration on just how well you are coping. Go out tonight with your head held high.
One day-but not today- you will look back on this and consider yourself to be the lucky one.
You are only 30 with your whole life ahead of you.
You have your beautiful DC's to love and cherish-
you have discovered just what a lying cheating cunt your H is and be thankful you have not wasted any more of your life with him.
You can hold your head up high safe in the knowledge that you did nothing wrong.
Your H on the other hand will not see his DC's as often as you-will not have such a close bond with them.
He will not be able to look himself in the mirror without shame especially as all his family and friends know just what he has done.
He will be forever looking over his shoulder wondering if the OW is giving someone else a blow job in the stationary cupboard. Their life together will be based on lies and mistrust.
Maintain radio silence, communicate by email and text only so you have a written record of what is said and can be discussed with your solicitor.
Good luck

oops in case it has not been mentioned do you think you should get yourself a STI check (just in case) and do tell your H that you will be doing so.

OP do whatever you need to do to get into the iPad. Even if it means going into his Apple ID.

Keep us updated, we are all thinking of you :)

Not sure if this applies, but you can override the thumb print security access by switching phone off and on again. It is a requirement that you need the access code to open phone up again, not thumb print x

Have you seen a solicitor yet?

I'd avoid any comms at all until you've done that.

Pretty sure you will get a share of the house even if its in his name.

Great idea, going out tonight, well done

Enjoy your curry op