HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 5.

[WellWhoKnew]

If you are struggling to come to terms with the ending of your marriage, no matter how that came about, nor how long it's been, this is the place where you come to say SHIT THIS IS HARD, when you hit those times of despair.

It is the place where it is never rude to interrupt if you're having a bad day and need to vent. No matter what.

It is a place where no one will tell you to 'move on', 'get over it', or 'at least you've got...'

It is the place where the only thing anyone will tell you to do is keep on keeping on.

Amongst the shit, there are always giggles. But the only rule is: It is ALWAYS okay to say SHIT THIS IS HARD and interrupt the giggles. No apology necessary.

The bar, owned by Hobbit, but run by committee, is open to all as we wind our way through divorce, come to terms with our individual circumstances, or just cope with adjusting to a new life.

My name is WellWhoKnew. I am divorced. He left me just over 11 months ago. I am trying to rebuild my life by leaving the deadwood behind. I'm learning to laugh again. One day, I will 'move on', 'get over it' and be thankful that I've got what I've got. Until then, if I want to bloody moan about shit, I won't be apologising.

Because I did way too much of that during my marriage. The shit left. I'm learning to giggle again. KOKO.

Part 4

Part 3

part 2

Part 1

Our theme tune:

Wellwhoknew Thanks for sharing, I hope it doesn't come to that, but good to have a plan just in case. At this stage he knows and i think appreciates I'm being very reasonable and could have made things much harder for him, and could have dumped his stuff on the drive. I don't want to give him a deadline just yet, I don't want to add to any pressure for him to move in with her, not that i necessarily want him back but I'd prefer him to decide to live on his own, it's a long shot but may still be a possibility. That said there is a limit to how long i want a pile of boxes in the house, so I may have to eventually. Hopefully I can limit them to one room and get the rest straight.

EFG I think it's accurate to say that any initiative on your part will be .......misinterpreted, unappreciated, whatever. Not right now maybe, but be prepared. Get that rhino skin coat on

Izzie That's starting to bug me, he keeps picking a few things up when he's over, last time it was some warmer weather clothes, it's like I'm running a storage facility. He needs to know it all needs to go.

Awe that is sad whyMe2014

Roz absolutely brilliant! A massive achievement. Was it why who coined a phrase about head and heart eventually being on the same page? Well whoever did, it's a goodun

Why the hardest bit for me has been him devastating my DS2, for whom family was always so important. I've mentioned this on thread already. I won't elaborate now because it will make me cry. Actually, even my 22 year old son, who is not sentimental, said that he had deserted them

I've already had some of that, a suggestion that I'm rushing things by seeing a solicitor, requesting pension information, talking about divorce, I keep repeating "I'm only responding to the situation you've created".

He's been clear that whatever happens with her he's not coming back, and at this stage i'm not sure I'd have him back, so the only option is to try to move forward with my life and to prepare myself for a new life.

Who saw this on BGT tonight?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=heTu_u8WqTY

EFG yes, he wants it all done in his time. But I love your response to him

EFG I've just seen your post below mine. Legally, you can't stop him reclaiming the paperwork in his name. But if he leaves it on the mantelpiece - then that's fine. Let him make that decision. Don't make it for him.

Pack up his clothes/low value gear. And anything he asks for. Leave documents idly hanging around. High value things remain in the marital home, unless he requests otherwise.

And, um, there's no 'his/yours' in divorce. Only OURS. So be judicious. You got bills to pay for your child. I believe he's one of her parents.

Get your office in order. Leave his paperwork on the mantelpiece. Y'know for him to collect when he's good and ready.

Don't scan it - that's criminal. I'm not joking.

Just saying.

If you manage an amicable divorce, then you can be amicable about all of these issues.

But if it's an acrimonious divorce. Best you're ready for that.

Now I Know.

Well I never knew.

But who knew?

But I got meself a marvellous lawyer. Now I know shit I'd rather not know.

KOKO.

WWK if anything has been scanned, what can happen to the naughty person who did it? Obviously they have a lot more info so can check any claims the other party makes.....

Roz...You did so well today. Really proud of you.

Izzie...they will never realise the devastation they have left behind. It doesn't matter how old the child is...they will be affected by these twunts.

EFG...I bagged his clothes up and chucked them at him. He then accused me of causing £70 worth of damage to the boot of the car! Plus the only household item I have given him back so far is the hoover but I did have to use it one last time to suck up a tin of tuna!
Someone also told me that sewing prawns into hems of curtains was another way to help them hang straight in the ex partners new home!

And what about all the years of paperwork in the joint filing cabinet which was there for both parties to access freely at any time? Paperwork relating to both joint and sole stuff.

And what about share certificates in the ex's name which may have been in a locked box but have now found a new home with a friend......well, been burgled before!

I believe that friend may have to get a bigger filing cabinet (just a temporary measure).

Roz Well done. Next time will be slightly easier. KOKO.

WhyMe you and MrsC face very similar issues. I know MrsC in RL because of MN. I can tell you she's an amazing woman. She will also tell you, like I want to tell you: You're formidable. Hardly anyone has to cope with what you're having to cope with. Your divorce is hard core, out of the ordinary, and very difficult.

So do what she did: change your name to the FormidableMe2014.

Because you're doing just mighty fine under the circumstances.

Take care.

Those immortal words

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RUoEog2M1Q

Mondays, was it? Coming into school, all excited because it was on TV that night. Once some wrote it on the blackboard

Na na na
Na na na
Na na na na
Na na na na na

And one day we snuck up to the music room. We knew a girl who could play piano by ear, and she played the theme toon for us.

Happy days

www.youtube.com/watch?v=D99O6oTJVHo

You can only supply original documents to court, and even then with twat's consent/court order.

You cannot intercept anything that interferes with his right to privacy.

But if he leaves it on the mantelpiece, it's just happenstance.

It's a totally nonsensical issue, currently being appealed. But currently, that's how it is because a wife went into a FMH and blew off the safe door to prove he was hiding assets.

They deemed her behavior unreasonable.

And she was not allowed to prove that he was not 'fully and frankly disclosing'.

So she never got her 50%.

The court of appeal is usually considered the 'jesters' court'. It's only when the supreme court get involved when common sense takes hold.

Unfortunately, the supreme court largely eats long lunches.

Why tuna

Why not

Roz well done - you did good today

whyme it's so sad when your DC come out with stuff like that
You can never tell what your body's going to come up with next in this situation. I've recently been getting blisters on my tongue and it gets really cracked every so often and it's painful to talk. The doctor called it geographical tongue I discovered that under stress your body uses up it's supply of vitamin B really fast, so I take double doses of multivitamins when i feel the need.

EFG I think the rule is "hope for the best, prepare for the worst". As far as high value items go, they only need to be mentioned on finance forms if worth over £500 (that's resale value).

I get what WWK said about getting in writing anything he wants. Stbx accused me at mediation meeting of us not sharing our stuff out. I asked him for a list of anything he thought I had that he might want - he couldn't come up with anything!

I realise you're not supposed to scan stuff, but I scanned a copy of stbx's first pension details (came across it when looking for joint mortgage details for solicitor). When he said he had no details of it, i helpfully told him where it was and provided a copy for him. I have been nothing but helpful to him when he has had problems with his finance stuff (he admits to all and sundry he is crap at this sort of stuff and that he can't find the original form). Over a year later he managed to get a CETV on this pension - it's 6 figures! And no - I'm not sorry!!!

Izzie you don't need the gym or biometrics - you do enough already! Sorry we don't do steak here - it's over budget! I would have offered you some Chicken in Garlic & Hoisin Sauce with mange tout, carrots, water chestnuts, mushrooms and noodles that DD2 cooked tonight - but we scoffed the lot!

WWK hmm interesting. Let's hope my financial settlement stays out of court, and that he still has nothing to hide. Our financial affairs are fairly straightforward one less tree to water

Thanks WWK...I think you're right I will be the FormidableMe2014. Watch this space.

I've got to face the weasel tomorrow morning...again in the same public place in front on cctv...to hand over the children for the day. Part of me just wants to keep them in the car and drive off...but I know I can't.

I've got a friend coming down for the day. I'm by the sea so fingers crossed for nice weather.

Prawns in curtains - too obvious I would be tempted to loosen the stitching - just ever so slightly - in the crotches of all his trousers. won't make much difference if he only has a little willy though!

bobs I just got copyright fees for the use of the name Sid. We can do caviar sandwiches if we want.....

Well ladies, I'm going to co codamol now because of my face ache don't say a word and then crash out with make up still on. Who cares!

Catch you all later. KOKO xxx

bobs trousers

Well it looks bigger than it is.....but let's not go there

Stop it, it hurts when I laugh...

Night all xx

Tee-hee - couldn't resist